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Do you think Jesus died a virgin?

 
 
Equus
 
  1  
Reply Mon 28 Apr, 2003 02:51 pm
He had a foot fetish- all that foot washing & etc.
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cicerone imposter
 
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Reply Mon 28 Apr, 2003 03:55 pm
Here's the dilemma; if Jesus had sex and bore a child, will that child also be god? c.i.
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dlowan
 
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Reply Mon 28 Apr, 2003 04:00 pm
Gala! My avatar is NOT boinking! Er....I assume boinking is American for bonking?
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cicerone imposter
 
  1  
Reply Mon 28 Apr, 2003 04:04 pm
Evidently, Aussi rabbits make different noise when boinking. Wink c.i.
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snood
 
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Reply Mon 28 Apr, 2003 07:08 pm
Gee, classy question.
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PDiddie
 
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Reply Mon 28 Apr, 2003 07:16 pm
I don't believe Jesus had relations, but what I'm really wondering now is if he masturbated.

It seems to me that he must have, if indeed he was human, but OTOH simply not possible, considering all the possible implications and ramifications, if he were the Son of God.

I hate digressions from the topic but would certainly be interested in hearing from you all on this--but only if you can curb the tendency toward juvenility.
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dyslexia
 
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Reply Mon 28 Apr, 2003 07:19 pm
"boinking" was originated with the invention of the Model T Ford.
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dlowan
 
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Reply Mon 28 Apr, 2003 07:20 pm
Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the lord......oh, smeg, sorry.....juvenility crep' up on me....
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snood
 
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Reply Mon 28 Apr, 2003 07:24 pm
Yup - I can see that. A mature discussion about whether Christ jerked off. Laughing
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dyslexia
 
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Reply Mon 28 Apr, 2003 07:28 pm
mature? surely you jest.
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PDiddie
 
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Reply Mon 28 Apr, 2003 07:32 pm
Upon reflection, snood, yes; it was too much to hope for...
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Craven de Kere
 
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Reply Mon 28 Apr, 2003 07:49 pm
My original intent was simple curiosity. Twasn't even supposed to have been irreverent or humourous. But I guess it evolved.
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Ethel2
 
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Reply Mon 28 Apr, 2003 08:10 pm
Oh yeah, Jesus had sex. (Like I know.)
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dyslexia
 
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Reply Mon 28 Apr, 2003 08:23 pm
i thought i had straightened this out in a previous thread, you know where i explained that at the age of 13 jesus moved to Rome, hung out down by 23 skiddo, married an italian chick, had a bunch of kids, never got a job, busted by the cops for stealing a load of bread and 3 sardines, marriage annulled by the Pope cause he was a jew but hit hard with child support, moved back to Jerusalem, hung with the homies, when way rad on the establishment, pissed off the elders, got hit with the 3 times and your out rule and finally hung out to dry. But when he got past all that he was GOD.
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Ethel2
 
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Reply Mon 28 Apr, 2003 08:45 pm
That means he had some sex, doesn't it Dys?
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dlowan
 
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Reply Mon 28 Apr, 2003 08:57 pm
Ok - to try to take it seriously - if you take a position that Jesus was a divinity made flesh, then one assumes that he had fleshly desires.

What was his position on sex and masturbation? I bet Craven, at least, knows whether he had a stated position.

If one posits that he was a perfect being - then he would, presumably, have obeyed whatever the divine rules were about these matters, although one assumes he would have been tempted, as he was in the wilderness by the devil.

So - re masturbation, if he believed it was against the rules, I say, if one works within christian logic, that he would not have done it.

If he was - if he existed - a human being with interesting ideas and some delusions, as I believe, then I am sure he masturbated - but may have felt bad about it.

I have no idea if he had sex or not.
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PDiddie
 
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Reply Mon 28 Apr, 2003 09:08 pm
There's an Old Testament verse about not spilling one's seed--anyone familiar?
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Craven de Kere
 
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Reply Mon 28 Apr, 2003 09:19 pm
The part about spilling seed can be construed both ways. Yes a man was struck dead by God for " spilling seed" but he wasn't masturbating. He was having sex with his brother's wife to give her a son (the brother had died). He was being selfish and the woman had been screwed over a few times by her father in law already.

The woman finally got pregnant by "playing the harlot" in a city her father in law was visiting and had sex with him.

But there is nothing explicit about masturbation.

Jesus did not have a stated position on masturbation.

Thing is, Jesus had to suffer man's sufferings illness tec. Some might think it revolting to ask if Jesus vomited for example but that is also something you can seriously consider as having had happened according to some interpretations of Bible passages.
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Craven de Kere
 
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Reply Mon 28 Apr, 2003 09:29 pm
i forgot to mention taht the above story about Onan is one of my favorite stories. The father in law gave the " harlot" aka his daughter in law his staff as collateral (I think he was supposed to come back and give her some goats or sheep) and when he came back there was no " harlot" there.

When the daughter in law was found to be pregnant (out of wedlock as her husband had died) she was going to be executed till she presented him with the staff (and signet if i remember correctly) and he realized that he was the one who made whoopie with her.

My memory might be failing me but this is somehow related to the story about the twins (they might have been her kids). one of the twins started coming out firts and the midwife tied a ribbon around it (it's arm or foot i belive, pretty sure it was the foot) to tell which was the firstborn (at the time i wondered how the midwives back then knew there would be wtins but i guess they could have done this as a standard procedure in case there were twins). Anyway, the baby pulled back and the other one ended up being born first. or so goes the story.
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Craven de Kere
 
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Reply Mon 28 Apr, 2003 09:30 pm
I'm so gonna start a thread aboutmy favorite Bible stories, they are all coming back to me now.
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