Apparently, I just seem like a moron.

I thought about this, and I think you and roger are probably not far off. Imagine you are the manager and one of your mediocre employees, who has to work in the kitchen, comes to you complaining that cyphercat doesn't have to work in the kitchen, so why should she? Why is cyphercat so special? Rather than explaining that cyphercat is too valuable on the floor to waste in the kitchen, you make dingbat feel better by saying something that implies that cyphercat wouldn't be good in the kitchen. You get to keep your strongest waitress on the floor, and you quiet the "it's not fair" grumbling. I know I'd do it that way.

Well, I certainly like that theory...

I know the person that was talking to them does think it's unfair that I don't work in the kitchen, so I guess that would have some bearing on her viewpoint and how they would respond to her. (Perhaps I should never have trusted her rendition of the conversation in the first place, but she's generally so upfront. That's why I even know that she thinks its unfair that I don't work in the kitchen, because she is so forthright.)

Anyway, I know my strength is being in the front, because I'm good with people. I also know it's totally the employer's prerogative to decide what you're best suited to do...it's the talking about me in that way behind my back that I don't like. But looking at it the way you suggested, Freeduck, does kind of make some sense. They really are generally nice people, so I should give them the benefit of the doubt; but I know they also tend to talk about people behind their backs, since other people have quit over it in the past.

I dunno, I think I just need to let go of it and let it be another lesson to me to not be so concerned with what people think of me. What keeps bothering me, though, is the feeling that I just come across as kind of dumb to people. I'm sort of shy and so I know I seem awkward sometimes; and I worry that I make an unusual number of mistakes or something. I hope that this isn't what will happen to me at other more important jobs in the future-- Oh, not her, she can't do that!

See, it's all mixed up with my insecurities and everything, so I'm trying not to see it as a bigger deal than it is, and it's hard for me to get perspective on it. Arrgh.

Don't sell yourself short, most jobs arn't rocket science...being a waitress is one of the toughest jobs out there, a good waitress is worth her weight in gold.

You sound simular to my wife in the insecurity department, I don't know how many times she has come home almost in tears or in a rage over something she half-heard, or was related to her from a coworker. After calming her down and going over the facts with her, the conflict is usually resolved by showing her how what she had heard/been told could have been taken out of context. Then the next day she would ask about the incident and 99% of the time...it was all just a misunderstanding.

No matter how many times her boss or manager {or myself} would tell her she was a valuable employee...good at her job...etc....she would still fall for a coworkers bull.

Like some have said, by bringiing it up to your boss you might be opening yourself up to a job that you do not want. If you feel that you must know the truth, you might give it a few days, so that your more at ease when asking....but I'd just let it go, chaulk it up to jealousy or an out and out lie.

This is a fact. When I get a good waitperson, the tip is from 50-100% of the tab. A good waitperson can make or break a nice dinner out!!

Anon

Restaurants are notorious for vicious talk. I'd draw some boundaries with the person who told you the information. Mostly because it's upsetting and you have no idea what it means.

Are you planning on waitressing forever? Or is this something to earn money?

Another way to look at it is this way...Ask yourself, how awful would it be if I were fired? Not that this is going to happen, but if you get to the root of it, do you really give a s*** about what these people think of you?

I used to wait tables and what I hated most was the pettiness of the people I worked with, bosses included.

ah come here and let me pat your head.

You're not stupider than anyone else.

You guys are all so nice to respond-- I really, really appreciate getting other points of view ( not to mention a nice pat on the head from Chai!).

2Packs-- Your wife does sound like she does the same thing I do, and it helps to realize that context can completely change the way a comment comes across; sometimes it's very hard to have that perspective yourself, you need others to help you see that. And I think I shall follow the don't bring it up advice-- since I (obviously) don't want to work in the kitchen, clearly I'd be silly to obsess over why I'm not working in the kitchen!

Anon-- I bet there are a lot of servers who love you very, very much.

Cliff Hanger-- Very sound points all. I knew when I started working there that restaurants breed this stuff...but in some ways I've gotten to feel like these people are real friends. We have a lot of camaraderie there, or it seems that way. So that's why I let myself give a sh*t about what they think of me. But really, I know it's not something that will mean much in the long run.

As a matter of fact, when you mentioned how long I plan on waitressing it reminded me that I need that perspective too: only a few more months at this job, and then I'm moving away to get my bachelor's. So no, I don't really give a sh*t what they think of me!

The underlying thing is the insecurity. I know this job doesn't matter at all, but I sure hope I really don't come across as incompetent at "real" jobs in the future.

But Chai says I'm not stupiderer than anybody else, so nyaahhh anyway.

Exactly.



cyphercat, don't be a moron. When you go after your career job you will be around like-minded people who will help you. It's unrealistic to measure your competance in your future work, especially when it will have nothing to do with food service, because you occasionally forget to put the mayo on the side.

One more thing, waiting tables is drama: Hungry people and food. A very demanding situation.

Most people order more than water and celery.

I'm late to this thread. Maybe you suck in the kitchen.

In a previous life I spent a few years as a restaurant manager (in the mid eitghties) and although I was world class in the front of the house and at keeping my staff happy, I SUCKED in the kitchen.

It's a different animal. I wouldn't take it to heart.

exactly

Cyphercat, you are very introspective and clearly have a strong work ethic. It's obvious that you will be good at whatever you choose to be good at. The insecurity will go away with time when you have more control over your situation, and as you move up in your career. At some point, you will know without anyone else telling you, that you know your **** and that you're good at your job.

Take this conversation as a vote of confidence for your skills as a waitress, which are, incidentally, very valuable skills to have in just about any job. Good communication, ability to multitask and to remember and follow directions with more than 5 steps, and the ability to economize the number of steps needed to accomplish a task are all extremely useful in every job I can think of. Insecurity is tough to overcome but you seem to be doing so right here in this very thread. You're verbalizing your concern, looking at it as objectively as you can and soliciting objective input from others, and best of all, listening. I think that's probably the best way to deal with it. Good on ya and good luck!

Cypher, I think I would've had the same reaction as you at first -- my pride would have been hurt.

But I agree with others here. It sounds like from what you've said that your co-worker is just resentful (and probably a little jealous) because you don't have to do the kitchen duty.

Ask yourself, "is she making more money because she's doing kitchen duty?" If the answer is "no," then don't worry about it!

want to tell some nightmare stories about what you did to peoples food and drink who pissed you off ? I've got a few and I'm betting I'm not the only one....

I have some too.

You guys seriously f*cked with people's food?! i was hoping that was just a myth, we've never done anything like that. You jerks! Not to say that customers never deserve it....

thanks again Freeduck for having this conversation with me. It really helps to get other opinions and more perspective on it. I really appreciate your last post, I needed a vote of confidence.

Thanks, Stray, I'm glad I'm not the only one that would have had a twinge of hurt pride over this! I really did need the chance to talk about it, but I'm glad I got it off my chest here rather than talking to them about it.

No, they certainly don't make more in the kitchen than I make out front; it was strictly a matter of pride, not at all that it's a good thing to be in the kitchen! <giggle> This is why I realize I need to just leave it alone.

Your cat is quite dear, is it a boy or a girl?

I witnessed it, I didn't do it.

Cyphercat, Who knows what the owner meant. He can't even comment on it he doesn't know you even know. One thing I know for sure though and that is that people that call other people stupid are almost always the stupid people. People use to call Einstein stupid.

Besides you already have the market cornered on personality, You want be a genius too?