Irony of the sexes....

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So I throw this private jam at a bar last weekend, and knew practically everyone there. I brought this girl I've been dating for around 2-3 weeks at the time, who didn't know anyone. Things aren't serious with her at all. So she gets severely drunk, ends up getting sick in the bathroom. Pretty much out of commission all night.

While she's getting sick, and my friend is taking care of her, I'm talking to this girl who I met just a couple nights before(friends with the girl taking care of my sick date). I've been noticing the "looks" all night from her, and I think she's cute as hell. Anyway, it was a pretty drunken night, so we ended up heavily flirting with each other. Maybe even a kiss at the end of the night Very Happy

Whatever you want to call it, it was obvious I was hitting on her. She didn't have a problem with the fact I was with another girl that night, either. My 'date' had no clue about the whole thing though.

Apparently, I was quite the talk of the bar...some of my friends thought it was no big deal...some got pissed at me. "How could he do that, his date doesn't know anyone here, she's sick, ect."

You'd think my male friends would be the indifferent ones, and the females would think I was a scumbag? Actually, I think a couple of my guy friends STILL are a little thrown back by the whole thing. One, who was really pissed at me that night, hasn't returned my phone call, and returned an email with barely a sentence. While I was out drinking on Marathon Monday with a bunch of girls(and guys), the GIRLS were the ones arguing with my guy friends it wasn't a big deal. I find this pretty ironic!

So am I the scumbag, or should have my friends really got that upset with me? Damn, I'm not tying myself down to one girl who I just started seeing!

Oh, most importantly...they're both hot.

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I dunno. Define "Things aren't serious with her at all." If SHE doesn't care, whatever. If she does, uh, hell yeah. Not world class absolute worst scumbag of all time, to be sure, but not too classy.

Where do things stand with sick girl now?

I've known a lot of guys who thought that crap was, well, crap, to their credit. A guy I was with for a couple of years played in a band with a guy who cheated on his pregnant wife with a groupie, and my boyfriend didn't talk to this guy for like 6 months. Which was way awkward. Then, of course, he cheated on me with a groupie. Rolling Eyes

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"Things are not serious:" She's not my girlfriend...I refuse to throw that label around for AT LEAST 3 months into it with a girl. She's as indifferent as could be, because she doesn't know. So for now, it stands the same as it did then.

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So, you gonna tell her? How do you think she will react when she finds out from someone else if you don't? (And she SO will...) Do you care?

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Huh? Tell her what? There's nothing significant to tell..."I was talking to another girl?" Considering she's not my girlfriend, there's no point in telling her anything. Maybe 2 people saw me kiss the other girl, so that's not getting back to her. Honestly, I don't even remember that.

I'm "single." I'm not worried about meeting other girls! If I started dating someone else I'd tell her...I don't hide too many things.

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OK.

Can you be "single", though? Isn't that kinda like being "pregnant" -- you are or you aren't?

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That's a grayer area than being pregnant...some people might consider "single" not being married, some might consider no girlfriend, ect...

Dammit, I'm single.

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Long as your girlfriend... er, the girl you've been kinda sorta dating for a few weeks is cool with that.

Even if only two people saw the kiss, it sounds like you've been talking about it with a lot of people, what with "While I was out drinking on Marathon Monday with a bunch of girls(and guys), the GIRLS were the ones arguing with my guy friends it wasn't a big deal." This is gonna get back to her, I can virtually guarantee it. If you don't care, you don't care, but if you do care, I'd advise damage control.

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Old School Lady says:

It ain't about the relationship.
It's about dancin' wit' the one what brung ya (or the one you brung.)

The issues as I see them:
You came to the thing together. Decorum requires you don't swap spit with, or leave with someone else.

She didn't know anybody, but you. This makes her even more sympathetic, and you more responsible to stay with her. (A knight in shining armor would have been the one seeing to her in the ladies' room. Avoiding the 'cad' reputation, but not-so-knight-like-- take her home early and go back to check on Miss Hotty.

Like I said, the relationship, or lack thereof was not the deal-- Her not knowing people and barfing, while you paired off with somebody else looks icky. What it would've amounted to for you to do the 'right thing', would've cost you a few hours of your time. But, when you're drunk-- hell, a few hours can seem too long to wait.

Anyhow, I thought you might not have seen it from this view.

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I'm with Sofia.

For what it is worth, when guys have hit on me when they came with someone else, I have thought them pretty scummy.

I think it is fine, if attracted to someone else when you are with a "date", to let them know discreetly that you are interested (if you are not likely to see them again otherwise) and are single, but with someone else that night, and get a number or whatever. If you know them already, or have a number, I think it is better manners just to leave it and call or move another time.

Well, you ASKED!

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I don't know enough about Slappy's mileu, but many of the people I know don't follow any particular "date" protocol. A guy and a girl can (and often do) go to a party together without it being a date. It could (and often is) even be explicitly about attempting to find other people to go home with. So in that situation, if the two people were not at all romantically attached but arrived together, it would still be uncool to leave the person to go have fun solo, but I do think it is much more uncool to leave the somehow-even-if-only-tenuously-romantically attached person and go flirt with others.

So in that sense I think the relationship (or lack thereof) is important.

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Pretty reckless and self-centered to have a friend take care of her while you look for something better. Hypothetically speaking, had your date been in good shape and showing good promise that you were going to get laid that night would you have left her in the care of a friend?

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On my ex-girlfriend's birthday I went out with her and ended up getting involved with other girls. I didn't hit on them (I never do).

My ex saw it and she called me a dog, but in a nice way and she wasn't mad (she was a really nice girl).

I think I was inconsiderate. I also think I had every right to do it. Still, inconsiderate.

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Soz, so if I went out with a female friend for the purpose of using each other as "wingmen," why would it be uncool to leave the other person?

Gala, if she was in good shape, obviously it wouldn't have happened like that! Maybe nothing would have happened, or I would have been more discreet.

Also, when she was out of the bathroom, which wasn't the majority, I was by her side, trying to keep her head off the bar. But when she headed back to hurl, I wandered about. It wasn't like I was ignoring her all night...just used my time efficiently.

I never said it wasn't inconsiderate, I was bombed and was being a clown. I just think it's funny a couple of my guy friends got mad while my female friends thought it was no biggy(like me). F'em if they can't take a joke.

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Slappy Doo Hoo wrote:

Soz, so if I went out with a female friend for the purpose of using each other as "wingmen," why would it be uncool to leave the other person?

Well, I guess more towards Craven's "inconsiderate", though it would be less inconsiderate than in his example. It would be cool to stay with the friend, ask if she wanted to go home, refuse to have fun unless she insisted (you know, the war movie "Go ahead without me, I'll be fine..." thing), etc. That's like the plus side of the ledger. Leaving the person could be neutral (if she says it's fine, go ahead) or minus (if she isn't consulted, and is just left, period.)

This is all small change, though.

It's infinitely less bad than going home with the other chick you met and leaving your date to fend for herself/ get home on her own, for example.

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I think you should have driven her home and gone back to the party. Or, arranged for her to get home safely. Was there an understanding with girl-1 that you'd be going home together at the end of the night?

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I gotta say, speaking for myself, a guy who did that after we'd been dating for 2-3 weeks would SO be history. And that's without factoring in the kiss.

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ditto

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This may sound remedial, but it sounds like your guy friends are responding honestly and your female friends are being agreable.

Had I been the date that was hugging the bowl most of the night I wouldn't make much of an issue out of it because it would rehash an uncomfortable memory. More to the point, she probably isn't making much of it because she knows the relationship is limited. why bother with a cad?

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Bit rough labelling Slappy a cad on the strength of this one incident, Gala!

My personal opinion is that, on this occasion, he BEHAVED like a cad - as I have done from time to time in my life - but I still have the hope that I am NOT, generally, a cad.

Of course, I may well be wrong.

The jury is out on Slappy, I feel.

Craven said: "I think I was inconsiderate. I also think I had every right to do it. Still, inconsiderate."

Craven, if you come back to this thread, could you tease out a little more your criteria for "every right to do it"? I think "rights" versus "consideration and sensitivity" is an interesting discussion.

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Irony of the sexes....

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