CALLING ALL EMBARRASSING STORIES!!!

No one out there has one????
it's fun.....c'mon....

Those are pretty good stories, suzy. I'd be hard pressed to top them.

I especially like the one about the lawyer taking a poop in the car!

Hi SuzieG. I'm not going to call you and I really, really wish you could edit out your number because there are some nuts around here.

Anyway.

I'll tell you my embarrasing story:

I have really bad vision, this is something you must know for starters.

One night many years ago my then boyfriend, now husband, came home from work while I was already in bed asleep. He turned on the TV, as usual.

This woke me up and I wandered in to say hello, stark naked and without my glasses.

The TV turned out to be a room full of his coworkers, but I couldn't see that so I yakked for a moment before he gently steered me out of the room and back to bed.

This even did wonders for his reputation.

And for mine.

ok this is childhood trauma here...

when I was a kid (13) I did a paper run and down this particular street lived an older boy (17) I liked and he hung out with the popular crowd from his school, on my paper route, living directly across the road from where he lives, I had this elderly customer that I had to peddle up to her doorstep and hand her the paper...on this particular day as I was coming up to her house I looked across the road and there was this boy and about 8 of his mates sitting in their cars.
I noticed they were all staring at me and being so shy I put my head down and peddled as fast as my legs could go, I cut across her front lawn
and peddled into a huge 3 mtr deep hole that some workman had dug and if that wasn't embarrassing enough I couldn't get out and they had to rescue me, my bike and all my newspapers which were covered in dirt!

I have a similar childhood trauma Kiwi.

I was around 12 years old, and had this major crush on
Peter, one of my older brother's friends. Being 16 years old, Peter rarely acknowledged me, much less talked to me until one day.....

It was a cold January day and snowing heavily. After
school was out, my friends and I stomped around and played in the snow. We had a lot of fun, but it was cold and the snow soggy, my feet were wet and I slowly felt nature's call coming on. I left my friends and started walking home. Five minutes into the walk I could feel the pressure building up and I started running. I took a short cut across a little
play field and there I saw Peter standing with his soccer ball.

When Peter spotted me, he waived and yelled for me to stop
which I did. When he came towards me I got more and more
nervous: first, because my heart was pounding so loud, and second my bladder was ready to burst. So that cute boy Peter
started talking to me and while I was giving him my undivided attention, I jumped from one leg to the other and
tried to hold my bladder. It didn't work and when I looked
down, the white snow had a distinctive yellow discoloration around me.

I felt my face burning up, mumbled something incoherent
and run away as fast as I could.

A few days later when Peter came to visit my brother,
I immediately disappeared in my room, but he came knocking on my door, popped his head in and said: "Why
did you run away so fast?" He either pretended to not have seen my mishap or he actually never did. I never found
out, but my crush subsided after that incident. I was too
ashamed, I guess.

These stories are great!!!

I just stopped in to grab suzy's cell phone number.

Pervert!

I do have an embarrassing story to talk about, however, and it is surprisingly similar to the one submitted by Jane.

I, too, was about twelve-years old, and there was this girl in town, probably about 13 or 14, that was causing quite a bit of excitement amongst all of us grade school boys since she had moved to town several months earlier.

She was extremely attractive and looked much older than her years. I was madly in love with her, but being younger than she was, she paid me no attention.

I would sit on the bench in the park and wait for her to walk by, just so I could gaze upon her and hope she would one day acknowledge my presence.

That day finally came.

I had been sitting at the park bench for 9 hours one Saturday afternoon, just hoping she'd walk by. Just as I was getting up to take a bathroom break she appeared on the path. My heart raced when she saw me getting off the bench and she walked toward me.

"Hello, Gustav. Do you come here often? This is such a lovely park."

I was frozen. I couldn't speak. My heart pounded.

To this day, I'm not sure why I did what I did, but I whipped it out and started peeing on her shoes. I had to go that bad. I didn't really mean to pee on her shoes, but when you really have to go and you're pulling your thing out sometimes it acts like a garden hose with a nozzle on the end and you turn the water on and the end of the hose starts whipping around, spraying water everywhere, and you try to jump out of the way, but it's difficult because of the unpredictably of the hose movements.

That's how it was. I was spraying all over her shoes and even got her jeans wet up to around the kneecap area.

She started screaming and raced away crying.

That was the last I ever saw her. Her name was Barb; I do remember that.

The years have erased the embarrassment of the moment but at the time I was quite besides myself.

Thank you!
These are great...yeah, probably shouldn't have listed my number, but if you have a story, I'd eventually like to talk to you, so that I can ask questions, fill in details, etc. But a huge heartfult THANK YOU to those of you who have responded...Keep the stories coming! I have a bunch of my own that maybe I'll even get around to posting one of these days...Thanks again...SDG

Oh, good. I'd hate to think anyone else was beside you at a time like that.

So Suzie...whatcha gonna do with these stories? Planning to use them to make money? Do we get a cut?

Sweet. I can't wait to call.

I'm a 5'1 male, 42 years old, lives with mom, has tourette's syndrome, and a huge fan of Star Trek.

We're going to have some sweet phone sex.

Ok - back in 5th grade.

Kids regularly leaned back in their chairs, balancing on the back legs, and just as regularly the chair slipped and they fell on the floor. Then everyone would get to laugh at them.

One day, the teacher had the absolutely cutest boy from the 7th grade class helping her with some project.

What they were working on was right next to me, OMG, Richard Fitzsimmons is right there sitting in the chair next to me, OMG, OMG. Being shy, of course I could never talk to him, so instead to show how cool I was I casually leaned back on the back legs of my chair.

Oh, one other thing….I was feeling nervous sitting next to Richard because for lunch I think I had eaten beans, broccoli, cabbage, Brussels sprouts chased down with a big glass of lactose laden milk. I didn't want to embarrass myself by letting one "slip"

Of course the chair gave way and I landed on the floor with a crash, Everyone, as per the rules, laughed. But, they kept laughing, they weren't supposed to be laughing for so long…..Richard Fitzsimmons was laughing too.

I untangled myself, sat back down. Laughter still going on (gosh it wasn't THAT funny)…..until the teacher hushed everyone.

5 minutes later, I realized all my intestinal pressure was gone. Apparently more than a crash was heard around the room when I fell.

Boomer you have just risen ten-fold in my esteem. Visually picturing scene ....

Baloney!

Oh Boomer, I remember you telling this story and hearing it again made me laugh so hard!

The Fart Heard 'Round Homeroom.

Man, these stories are so funny. I'm loving this thread!

I've tried to think of a story, but mine are kind of lame. I've never done anything good like walking into a room naked or peeing on anybody. I've led a dull life!

But I did recall this one:

Several years ago, I was working for an advertising company. It was one of my first jobs out of college.

One of my co-workers left because he wanted to open a magic shop (really!). So the evening before the magic shop was to open, he invited all of us to a wine and cheese party at the shop.

Wandering around the shop, I found this pair of "trick" handcuffs and started playing around with them. I put one of the cuffs around my right wrist and closed it! "Wow, these things seem just like real handcuffs," I thought.

I was sure there had to be some little button somewhere and all you had to do was push it, and the handcuffs would open. But I couldn't find one anywhere!!

So I went to the guy who owned the shop (my ex-coworker) and asked him, "How do I get these handcuffs off me?" (I only had the one cuff locked around my right wrist -- the other cuff dangling.)

"Oh, those are trick handcuffs," he says, "you have to know how to do the trick to get them off."

Me: How do you do the trick?

Coworker Guy: There's only one guy who knows how to do the trick, and that's Dave.

Me: Where's Dave?

This is where another co-worker chimed in and said jokingly, "Dave's in Hawaii!! Hahahaha!!

Me: Funny! No, really where's Dave?

Coworker Guy: He's not here right now, but he'll be here later.


Um, great!! So I spent the next hour or so walking around with a glass of wine with handcuffs dangling from my wrist. I felt like such a moron! I kept picturing myself driving home. With my luck, if I went even 2 mph over the speed limit, I'd get pulled over. Then I'd have to explain to the cop why I had handcuffs dangling from arm!

As the evening wore on, every now and then, someone would look at me at starting cracking up! My coworkers were getting a good laugh out of it...."Let's take Stray outside and lock her to a lamppost!! Hahahahah!!"

Funny! Oh Dave, where are you???!!! I need you, Dave!! WHERE THE HELL IS DAVE??

Coworker Guy: I just tried to call Dave, but he's not home. Don't worry, he should be here soon.

Ugh! One guy tried to help me out. "Fold you hand up as small as you can, Stray." So I did. Then he tried to just yank the cuff off me. But he wound up just dragging me around the shop with him.

Finally, the husband of one of my co-workers asked if anybody had a bobby pin. Fortunately, one of the girls did. So he took the bobby pin and jiggled it around inside the lock. Click, Click!! I was free!

Phew! I know this sounds like something out of an I Love Lucy episode, but this really happened. I know because it could only happen to me!

Oh, one more thing. That guy Dave never did show up!