Suicide

Argh- First, let me applaud you for extricating yourself from the drugs. It took a great deal of courage and willpower for you to do that.

You and your friend were two stupid kids who went down the wrong path at an early age. You were strong enough to pull away from that life. She wasn't. IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT THAT SHE DIED. SHE KILLED HERSELF, and don't let anyone convince you otherwise. Even if you encouraged her to try this or that, she had the ability to refuse. She chose not to.

Often, when something awful happens, people tend to want answers. One way is to place blame on someone else. Apparently, this is what is happening to you.




When I was about 17, and going through a particularly difficult time a very wise man told me, "Throughout your life, people are going to think many things about you. The only important thing is what you think of yourself."

Your problem is that you have bought into what your neighbors, her relatives, and "friends" think. These people are NOT your friends. They have shown, quite clearly, that they are vindictive people, who are venting their anger and frustration out on you. Of course the relatives are blaming you. It is easier to place the blame on someone else, than to admit that your flesh and blood messed up so badly, that she died because of her stupid actions.

There are a number of possibilities that you could consider. One is going out, holding your head up high, and "screw" the gossip mongers. That will be difficult at first, but it can be done. Anyone who was strong enough to break a drug habit, is strong enough to do this. You HAVE the courage, you just need to gain some confidence in yourself.

The other possibility, is to move away from your area, with its bad memories, and start your life afresh.

You are not a murderer, and you did not cause your friend to die. You were dumb kids, who took the wrong path, period. You were stronger than your friend, and luckily, were able to overcome your problem.You need to be strong now, and get through this. You have a long, happy life ahead of you. Be confident of that.

Suicide
Aargh: (Let me apologize for all the capitalizing. For whatever reason, I am unable to underline, italizcize, or bold on A2K; I am NOT flaming). There are a lot of things to address here, but, putting first things first, Phoenix is quite right, you are absolutely NOT guilty of your friend's death. It was a sad and shocking event, and happening on your birthday made it even more personal and distressing, but she is the one who took the drugs that caused it.

The next thing is that you can do nothing about your girl's family. It is understandable that they would reach for any reason to avoid blaming your girlfriend herself, but your friends are ungenerous and uncharitable. They are NOT your friends.

The third thing is the possibility that Phoenix raised of your moving away. I agree that this could be a good idea. After all, your "friends" are of no help, and you don't need their blame on top of your own distress. It would NOT be running away; you have enough to deal with without their attitude. A fresh start in a new place might help a lot.

Fourth, the reason for your sorrow and depression is NOT silly; it does you credit in that you are desperate over what you consider your responsibility for the situation. However, it was NOT your responsibility, and suicide will NOT change that fact.

Fifth, here is where you would probably find professional help useful. You need someone who will show you where you are over-emphasizing, and help you find a balance between your mistaken conviction and the facts. You will never be able to convince her family and your friends of the truth, and there it is, but that's not the point. The point is to convince yourself.

Finally if you can convince yourself, then you can live with yourself, and that is what we are all trying to help you do.

This sums it up the best. Argh, there is something I learned many years ago, and that is that in this life, you are truly only responsible for your own actions. Period. You can't force anyone to do anything they don't wish, even at gunpoint.

Her parents blame you because they failed in their job and are taking that frustration out on the most convenient target. Read the following very slowly, and repeat again if you need to:


You . . . . are . . . . not. . . . . to . . . . . blame.


You both made poor choices, you both had equal opportunity to stop. You took the opportunity, your friend didn't. That was her choice, not yours to make.

I applaud you for getting clean, and wish nothing at all but the best for your future. You're far stronger than you give yourself credit for.

I agree with everything others have said.

Moreover, how could killing yourself possibly make this situation any better? It can't help your friend..she's already gone. It won't help all those other people...they'll have TWO deaths to figure out. And it won't help you, because you'll never have the chance to get past this and build a great life for yourself. See? Everybody loses.

A lot of times people blame one person for another person's death because it's so much easier than dealing with their own guilt. Secretly, they are all probably thinking they should have helped her...wondering if maybe they are responsible in some small way. But the truth is...they didn't kill her, and you didn't kill her, either. Bottom line, it was her choice.

Don't give up your future just because a bunch of other people are mixed up!

Argh,

First of all, I don't find a thing silly about your problem and I can guarantee you neither does anyone else posting on here.

They have all told you the truth, Argh, you are not responsible for her death. Oftentimes people just have to have someone to blame until they accept what has happened.

It's obvious to me that you feel quite a bit of guilt over this. I could tell you don't but that won't change how you feel right this minute.

I can tell you what I would do but you have to decide if it's right for you. First of all, have you gone to any Narcotics Anonymous meetings? Right now, you need the support of others that have been in the same type of situation you are in. They will not judge you! They will listen to you. It doesn't matter that you no longer take drugs to them. You are a sister addict in need and that is what will be important to them. You can find Narcotics Anonymous in the phone book. They will talk to you and help you.

Recovering from the feelings you are having right now is not going to be easy. It won't matter if everyone in the world forgives you Argh, YOU MUST forgive yourself. You obviously feel you did something (I don't think the rest of us see it quite that way) to feel guilty. So, you either have to realize you didn't cause her death or you have to forgive yourself and move on.

Eva is right, if you die, will it bring her back? How many people would it hurt? Sure, your pain will stop but how many others' will start?

There is only one way to "make this right," Argh.

And it's not suicide.

You can't bring your friend back, and you can't change other people's wrongful opinions. And suicide is just a case of "two wrongs don't make a right." But there IS something you CAN do.

What do you think your friend would want you to do?

She'd want the best for you, I'll bet. She'd want you to have a happy life. That's what real friends always want for each other.

Honor her memory by having a happy life.

But...HOW? Well, you've already taken a step in that direction by coming here. Next step...find a professional counselor who can help you see things more clearly. Go through NA or churches or local agencies to find one with experience treating depression.

You can do it. Yes, it really is possible to come back from the depths. I should know.

Excellent posts here... Eva's last one, just above mine is a great next step for you. Find counseling and pull yourself out.

I know taking action to help yourself it's easier said than done. But, I hope with all my heart that you do.

So, after reading what those have posted before, about how your friend's death is not your fault, about how you've done really well with quitting drugs, about the error of those who blame you...... after you have taken that all to heart, please get some help.

Not much to say: everyone gave you excellent advise
and I hope you'll seek some professional help to get through

that feeling of guilt.

You certainly are not responsible for anyone but yourself,
and every person makes its own choices in life and has to
bear the consequences. Your friend Jane did not have
the support system you've had, and she was unable to
help herself.

You on the other hand are a strong young woman, and you
will persevere. I know you will!

Hey Argh, how are you doing?

Suicide
Argh - Please let us know how you are doing. We all worry about your situation. Please send us word.

Argh,

We are all worried about you. It has been awhile since we have heard from you. I pray you are all right. Please, if you are okay, take a minute and let us know?

God bless you.

Sorry to leave everyone worried for 3 weeks, but I ended up going to the hospital. I was in Observation for 21 days, and I wasn't allowed any outside contacts.

I just wanted you all to know that I'm getting myself help now, and I'm going to stay here for 90 more days.

Argh,

Thank goodness! I am sure everyone is going to be so glad that you told us you are ok. I am glad you are getting help, Argh. I will pray for you and please take care of yourself and keep us updated!

Argh--

Ninety days will bring you to springtime and coping is much easier in springtime.

Good luck. Remember, we're here.

I just found this thread.

So glad to hear you are doing better. Sometimes in the game of life, we get dealt some pretty crappy cards. We can fold or we can play them out. I am glad to see you are playing them out.

Good luck and we wish you the best. Come back and let us know how you are doing!

Congratulations on your progress! Keep at it, and keep us posted.

It's good to hear from you! Thanks for checking in!

Noddy is right. Spring is the perfect time of year for a new outlook on life. You can do it!

Good to hear from you! I'll glad to hear of your progress. You can do it.

Take care until later.

Good going ARGH!

Argh, I also just found this thread and am so happy that you got help, especially hospitalization.

There is no way I can add to the wonderful advice you've already recieved here, just my best wishes and my congratulations on being able to pull yourself out of a very bad situation.

With time, you will understand that your friend's death was her decision only--not you, not anyone, can stop a person intent on commiting suicide. I'll bet most of us here have had suicidal feeling at one time or another in our lives.

You have managed to find some remarkably good people here--please check in regularly.