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Sat 14 Jan, 2006 05:25 pm
ok I am having a serious problem. I just recently started dating this guy, we've been dating for about a month now and I really truely believe I love him. He is so perfect when it comes to a boyfriend.. when I'm around but see we live kinda far apart a few counties from each other and go to different schools. I usually only get to see him every other weekend, I stay with him overnight and its perfect then but occasionally I'll write him letters but never get a reply and he ensures me that he does get them when I see him. There has been a time when he wrote me and said that the reason he hasn't written or called me was because he got a new video game ?? he has told me that he loved me, he told me that after about a week and me and his sister are best friends and she ensured me that if he said it then he means it because hes only told that to one girl before but she broke his heart. I'm just afraid that because I don't get to see him as often as we'd both like that he will break up with me because of it. I really honestly belive we both love each other and really have something and I don't want to loose him. How can I ensure that he loves me and really wants to be with me without scaring him off and making him think that I'm moving too fast or something. Please help
I think you should do a little lesbo stuff with his sister. That'll fix him good.
Yeah, the sister sounds like a better lover anyway.
Phoenix is right on. You are worried about him leaving you?
He should be worried about you leaving him!
He probably just too lazy to write you a note back. Video games are much more fun for him than thinking about you (unless you are in front of him).
Relax.
I would take sister's assurance that he doesn't use the word 'love' lightly.
Sorry guys I'm not a lesbian.. no offense to anyone out there who is. So do you think I'm doing something wrong or is it just him being lazy ?
and phoenix I kinda feel the way your saying but I do believe he loves me and I've wanted to say something to him bit I don't want to scare him off.
thats true.. I guess I'm kinda just afriad of getting hurt in the long run ya know even tho if he doesn't really love me it shouldn't matter
You are worried about him leaving you after what?, a month? Girl, ever heard of the word trust? If you trusted him you wouldn't worry about this.
If after a month a video game is more important to him than you are, can you imagine how unimportant you may be to him after two? Three? A year? Is this what you want?
And in addition to wondering if he'll leave you, you might give some honest attention to the question of what it would mean if he did.
Now, I would be worried if this video game priority continued for a long period. I would also worry if a couple had to be together all day, every day, and share all the same interests, as well. Just be yourself, oxlittlebitox, and if that scares him off, fine. Much better, in fact, than have him be head over heels with someone that doesn't exist.
Oh, and let him be himself, too. If the real 'him' doesn't suit you, move on and be glad you found out.
I am myself around him but i don't want to be all like omg i want you around me all the time and everything because and (forget who said this) to answer the question of what it would mean if he left me it would mean me being broken hearted and me spending weeks crying endlessy because I do love him
and from what I know hes himself around me because I've never given him a reason not to be, and i also forgot to mention that before we hooked up when i was staying out with his sister we were talking for about 5 months before we actually made it official
oxlittlebitox- How old are you? From what you write, I guess that you are still in your teens. Young love is can be very wrenching. You do not have the experience, or have developed the coping skills yet, to be able to deal with rejection in a mature fashion. We have all gone through this. With each experience with the opposite sex, people learn about love, and life, and are better able to deal with difficult situations.
I suggest that you move on. The hurt will pass, and you will be stronger for it.
Sound advice.
And, Oxlittlebitox, it is VERY important to realize that people are what they are, and we should either accept them or reject them with regard to how THEIR needs, values and temperaments fit with ours. WE NEVER CHANGE THEM. I wouldn't want to change the behavior of a lover; she would only come to resent me later. Move on to someone who satisfies your needs AS THEY ARE.
The only reason we put up with people who frustrate our (legitimate) needs is that we fear no one else will have us.
THAT means that we hurt ourselves because of feelings of inadequacy. Instead of trying to keep someone who is not genuinely eager to stay with you, concentrate on learning to respect and value yourself. When you achieve that, all the interpersonal crap falls away. I speak from experience.
to answer your question I am 17, going to be 18 very shortly and I do accept him for who he is and he does the same with me its just I'm wondering if I'm doing something wrong or if I'm not doing something. I know that he loves me and I love him but I just don't know why he won't write me back or call me like i want him to. I mean its absolutly perfect when I'm there, you couldn't ask for a better boyfriend he always talks to me and is always around me and hes very sweet. Maybe its just the distance between us and he has said before that he doesn't enjoy talking on the phone so could this be a reason why he doesn't call ?
How could it possibly be your fault for him deciding not to call? Think about it.
For whatever reason; he doesn't call as much as you would like. That is his choice alone.
Is it really such a big deal to you that he isn't calling? If it is, you should do something.
If it isn't, you need to just chill and enjoy.
take care
I imagine that it is just as likely that, given enough time, you will leave him as he is to leave you. In either case, it will not bring about the end of the world. Without him, you'll find the love you want and need in someone else.
No one is indispensable, not even ourselves.
ok things have gotten better but he still doesn't call or write. he does tell his sister to tell me tho that he misses me and that he loves me. let me ask this question tho.. How can I know if he truely loves me other than just him saying it ?
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