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I am extremely worried!

 
 
Reply Mon 9 Jan, 2006 08:02 am
I didn't know where to post this!

Many of you must remember the problems me and my ex had. Well we have been apart for almost 5 months now and everything has been going fine. Well I got my tarot cards read about a week or so ago and the lady looked me in the eyes and said your ex (I didn't mention him), "he is doing really bad, you were his leaning post" and she stressed really bad....

Of course I paid no attention and thought she was wrong, that was until I went out with my ex's sister last night and she told me just how bad he was doing... as in really bad! I can go into detail if you like, but if not I shall leave that out...

But now I can't help but worry, even though I know it is not my responsibility in anyway, but I still feel horrible... absolutely horrible. And a part of me wants to call him and tell him it is going to be allright and another part just wants to say forget it, it has been over and done with and you can no longer help him.

Since you all have steered me in the right direction before, should I call and show that I still care about him as a friend, or could that just make matters worse??
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Slappy Doo Hoo
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Jan, 2006 08:07 am
If you were his leaning post, and now he's doing poorly, he'll probably want to use you as a leaning post again. So unless you want to deal with him clinging on to you, I wouldn't call. Especially if you really can't help except for talking.
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material girl
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Jan, 2006 08:07 am
WHY is he in a bad way?
Is it because you broke up?

I think just steer clear, Im sure he has other friends who he can talk to.If he is missing you i think talking to him may make things worse.

How is his sister helping him?
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Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Jan, 2006 08:07 am
Quote:
Since you all have steered me in the right direction before, should I call and show that I still care about him as a friend, or could that just make matters worse??


It would make matters worse. One of the most important thing that a person needs after a breakup, is time to heal without the other person. If you keep popping into this guy's life, how will he be able to get his life together?

You may feel sad that he is having a rough time of it, but it is definitely NOT your responsibility. Don't put yourself in the position of coming back into his life, and muddying the waters, not only for him, but for yourself.

As far as the tarot card lady, that is a crock. Basically these people are experts at "reading" people, and will say things that their customers will interpret to suit their particular situation.
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Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Jan, 2006 08:11 am
Slappy Doo Hoo wrote:
If you were his leaning post, and now he's doing poorly, he'll probably want to use you as a leaning post again. So unless you want to deal with him clinging on to you, I wouldn't call. Especially if you really can't help except for talking.


That is why I haven't called, I know there is a good chance he would ignore me but at the same time, it is possible he may not and try to mend things and that is the one thing I don't want to do, is to go back to feeling the way I used to feel
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Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Jan, 2006 08:16 am
material girl wrote:
WHY is he in a bad way?


More drugs and bad depression

Quote:
Is it because you broke up?


I am unsure of this, I haven't spoken to him since the break-up, that may be part of it, but also his family (alcholics and they are always at each others throats), he hates his job and he is just plain miserable.... when him and I were together he dumped all his emotions on me in a way and now he can't do that

Quote:
I think just steer clear, Im sure he has other friends who he can talk to.If he is missing you i think talking to him may make things worse.


As for friends, they will just push drugs towards him to make it all better, not much help if you ask me

AS for missing me, I doubt it, he hasn't made me feel like he misses me at all, due to the lack of speaking and seeing him

Quote:
How is his sister helping him?


She can't help, she is young and he won't let her, no matter how hard she were to try, he will just block her out
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Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Jan, 2006 08:20 am
Phoenix32890 wrote:
Quote:
Since you all have steered me in the right direction before, should I call and show that I still care about him as a friend, or could that just make matters worse??


It would make matters worse. One of the most important thing that a person needs after a breakup, is time to heal without the other person. If you keep popping into this guy's life, how will he be able to get his life together?


I haven't popped into his life once after the break-up, I have had no contact with him whatsoever, not even our mutual friends, no of them even speak to me anymore because of how he made them view me... with or without me I honestly think he may never get his life together, he is going down a self destructive path of anger that he still hasn't learned to control, he depends on substances to make himself feel better and he drinks his life away.....

Quote:
You may feel sad that he is having a rough time of it, but it is definitely NOT your responsibility. Don't put yourself in the position of coming back into his life, and muddying the waters, not only for him, but for yourself.


I figured that would be the best way to do it, but it did keep me up all night last night, worrying, which I can't help because he will always have a place in my heart, but I know whether or not I interact, it won't help the situation

Quote:
As far as the tarot card lady, that is a crock. Basically these people are experts at "reading" people, and will say things that their customers will interpret to suit their particular situation.[/color][/b]


Hey I read tarot cards!!!! (for free too)
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Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Jan, 2006 08:23 am
Quote:
Hey I read tarot cards!!!! (for free too)


And I'll bet that you are pretty good at telling people things that are generic enough that anyone could relate to them!
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Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Jan, 2006 08:26 am
Phoenix32890 wrote:
Quote:
Hey I read tarot cards!!!! (for free too)


And I'll bet that you are pretty good at telling people things that are generic enough that anyone could relate to them!


Nah I just started, I just read the cards, not the people... (I still use the booklet hehe)....

But I am a good people reader, if that is what you are asking, it is really simple to look into someone's eyes and see that they a worried and the majority of the time it is worrying over someone of the opposite sex, a friend, job, or family

So I can see where you are coming from also!
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material girl
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Jan, 2006 08:28 am
If he is doing drugs I have no idea how you can help him.
He needs professional help but first he needs to help himself.
Its great that you care but he is not your problem.
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Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Jan, 2006 08:32 am
material girl wrote:
If he is doing drugs I have no idea how you can help him.
He needs professional help but first he needs to help himself.
Its great that you care but he is not your problem.


He has always been doing drugs, even when we were together, but nothing over the edge really, but now I think he is into alot harder stuff

He will never get prof. help on his own, ever...

I know it is not my problem, but I will still care and I am trying to figure out how I can stop worrying
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Slappy Doo Hoo
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Jan, 2006 08:40 am
Sounds like a real winner! Depressed and on drugs.

I think it's pretty obvious you should stay away.
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Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Jan, 2006 08:43 am
Slappy Doo Hoo wrote:
Sounds like a real winner! Depressed and on drugs.

I think it's pretty obvious you should stay away.


Yea I know, I have a hard time attracting those types of guys to me, they feed off my niceness and my insecurities....

I have always wanted to help people and sometimes I don't realize that I can't help them no matter how much I try
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djjd62
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Jan, 2006 09:11 am
a relationship of any kind depends on give and take, sometimes when things are bad you may take more than you give but in the end it should equal out, this guy sounds like take, take, take

offer what help you can that doesn't involve you getting sucked into his problems, or him interfering with your life
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JPB
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Jan, 2006 09:24 am
Crazielady420 wrote:

I know it is not my problem, but I will still care and I am trying to figure out how I can stop worrying


Of course you still care, but it's good that you've seen that you can't be the answer to his problems. His issues are his and as much as you'd like to help him, you've been down that path already. It won't be any different a second time.

The second part of your statement above is where you should focus. You just heard the news that he isn't doing well. You're worried because you care. We all worry about people we care about when we hear they are in trouble. It isn't a bad thing to worry, but equate it to caring and let it pass. You know in your heart that you wouldn't be doing either of you any favors by getting in touch with him, so don't. Send some best wishes his way, either through his sister, or simply through your thoughts and prayers and know that you've done all you can.
0 Replies
 
squinney
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Jan, 2006 09:30 am
Everything everyone here has said, including crazy, I agree with.

Noddy hasn't stopped by yet, so I'll say it: Hold your dominion!
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DrewDad
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Jan, 2006 09:35 am
The vampires always cry, "Give me more! Give me more!"

Retch.

Ex's sister says, "Get me off the hook! Get me off the hook! Rescue me!"

Retch.

Sometimes, the greatest kindness is refusing to be a crutch, and requiring someone to learn to walk on their own.
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Noddy24
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Jan, 2006 10:04 am
Quote:

That is why I haven't called, I know there is a good chance he would ignore me but at the same time, it is possible he may not and try to mend things and that is the one thing I don't want to do, is to go back to feeling the way I used to feel




Human sacrifice is not a solution for any of the world's problems. You were not made to be this guy's physical or emotional punching bag.

Temper feeling sorry for him because he's miserable with some rational anger because by dabbling in drugs, he's just making his problems worse.

He doesn't care about solving his problems, why should you?

Obviously you regret that a guy who was once the center of your world is slowly killing himself, but isn't this the reason you got out of this relationship? That you didn't want a one-way trip to hopelessness?

Squinney said it--so I'll just echo: Hold your dominion.
0 Replies
 
Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Jan, 2006 01:07 pm
Thanks guys, I just think I needed the reassurance that I was doing the right thing

one of my worst faults is that I am so nice to people that they walk all over me and I just don't want something to happen to him and to always wonder if I could have done something to help

But you can't help those that don't want the help

*sigh*
0 Replies
 
Slappy Doo Hoo
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Jan, 2006 01:24 pm
My motivational speech of the day:

You have to surround yourself around people who will make a positive impact in your life. Those who don't bring anything to the table, or will bring you down, ditch 'em. This is one thing I think I've always realized, at least on a sub-conscience level. I've seen impressionable friends make some stupid mistakes because of the people they were hanging out with.

Sucks that he's depressed, but if he's going to wallow in self-pity, and do hard drugs, he's not going to bring any good to you.
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