slam-- Just in case this might help--
My daughter and I are both non-callers. We would suffer and be miserable before we would call a guy.
I know lotsa women are callers, but there are some that just won't do it.
Sofia is right, call her, be da man. I only used the 'may I kiss you' line once, pretty much because in the context of the evening, it seemed right, and it was put in a charming way, not a wimp-ass way. It did lead to a lot of tongue, getting naked, my drawing a bath, and a lot of hot sex. Then we ended up getting married...hmm...
One thing I have learned is be honest, straight up, and don't buckle when you feel strongly about something, especially if that 'something' is another human being you care about. Sounds like you are already on the right track.
Hmmm.
Seems like that "May I kiss you" turned out pretty well for cav!
Yep, it did! I do think that there is a clear difference between 'may I' and 'can I'...yes? One is charming, one is wimpy, asking permission like she's your mommy....
Slam--
From what you know of this woman, you like her as a person and would enjoy knowing her better.
This is what you said. Essentially, this is a flattering admission. She was flattered--but she's frightened of an impetuous affaire.
To start dithering about "should I have come on so strong so soon" smells a bit of strategy and tactics. You said yourself, you don't want to score--you want to get to know her better.
She now knows that for the right woman you'll wear your heart on your sleeve. This will either please her or it won't. Meanwhile, you are being honest, open and romantic.
Don't dither. Call her. If she's "washing her hair" ever night for the next six weeks, call someone else.
By the by, I agree with the advice to Do Things Together rather than alternate between the living rooms of your apartments. If you don't enjoy the same activities, the relationship is probably not going to be successful.
Good luck with conquering the dithers.
While on the subject of girl advice, the one thing I hate, is the initial phone call, then getting her voicemail. I don't like to leave a message, because it puts the ball in her court. On the other hand, everybody's got caller ID, so it's not like you can call her repeatedly until she answers. I'll usually try once, then leave a message the second time. Sometimes the first...so far, I haven't not had a callback though, so that's good. Still sucks though.
It's all a game.
I'd be lying if I said this hasn't crossed my mind. I really wish I had met this girl, say in a years time, when she's had time to put this relationship behind her. In her case, she ended her relationship, and in my case my ex did the dumping. But strangely enough I'm a happier person without her, so my "healing period" was considerably short. I grieved 1000% more over a 9 month relationship when I was 21 than I did over my recent 5 year relationship. Who knows, maybe one morning I'll wake up and just lose it, but I know myself pretty well, and as far as I'm concerned I've moved on and am living my life to the full again. Anyway, I digress, I think a lot of what you say is correct Phoenix32890, and I really just wanted some other perspective on what to do in this situation. Be interesting to see the results of the poll....
I seem to be the contrarian here, but if you BOTH are in a similar position, that can be good. That was the case with a guy I met when I was 21 -- we'd both recently come out of major serious relationships, and were both a bit gun-shy, but went for it. Things went slowly, but they went; and reader, I married him.
@slam,
i think u shud call her forsure ,, the fact tht she doesnt wana rush into things its good she told u shows maybe she does want this to work as well , give her the benefit , call her ask her to hang out , dont rush it donttt talk about sex huge turn off but dnt be too shy to etc
i loovee wen a guy calls and is strauight forward with me i hate games but in her case play it cool yes
