we have to hurry this up,
so
117 Jewish families walking on Hampstead Heath this lunchtime
116 Jewish families from Hampstead Heath sunning themselves in Eilat
115 dogs chasing balls on Hampstead Heath
114 piles of dogpoo on Hampstead Heath
112 Horny Toad references
110 swallowings at a crimbo dinner.
109 pieces of Lego on the living room floor
108 sticky finger prints on all the good stuff
107 miles of ribbon to throw away
106 warnings not to shoot that thing off in the house
105 happy cries
104 thank you hugs
103 silent "Why did I have that second piece of pudding?"s.
102 silent "thank you's" after
101 childish screams "the battery's run down!"
100 gentle snores emanating from the living room
99 promises to yourself that you're going to grab a hot cup of coffee as soon as you get a minute, before the kids get back with fresh batteries and before the oldies wake up from their snooze.
98 promises to self to go out for dinner next Christmas
97 pleas to 'clean up, already'
96 minutes on the phone with the one who couldn't come home
95 reasons to be grateful for those who are there
94 half-full soda cans all over the house
93 undiscernable food items in the fruit cake
92 seconds of perfect silence
91 buttons, at least, on that new blouse Santa brought
90 bubbles in the champagne glass, and boy, were they good
89 little bits of sellotape stuck to the furniture
88 assorted tags which have gone astray from their parcels
87 toffee papers
86 sips of champagne to make it last
85 offers of more pudding/chocolate/wine when all you want to do is sleep
84 glasses of water after all that self indulgence
83 fried latkes
82 calories per latke
81 nice pieces of chicken, what am I, feeding an army?
80 delivery people looking for a holiday tip
79 dogs begging for dinner at the table
78 rooms to clean after the relatives are gone
77 bottles of Pepto bismol, I got it on sale.
364 days to go till Christmas.
oh no!
75 paper hats drifting under the radiators
74 pieces broken off every toy you bought
73 price tags hastily taken off and stuffed down the sofa
72 years of tradition in your family to live up to
71 batteries
70 pounds of discarded wrapping paper
69 pine needles on the floor
68 hammer blows to the fruitcake before it breaks apart
67 crumbs from the fruitcake
66 crumbs from the Christmas pudding
65 spots of grease on the kitchen surfaces
64 handfuls of kitchen towel discarded
63 cocktail sticks under the chairs
62 antacid tablets
61 noisemakers bought for New Year's
60 bell ringers for the Salvation Army
59 packages of holiday lights
58 empty bottles for the bin men
57 in queue in the Argos sale
56 pounds left to last 'til end of Jan
55 ways of eating cold turkey
54 hours 'til the next hangover
53 kids home from school on break
52 recycling bins full of wrapping paper
51 people on line to return stuff
50 different hors d'ouevres ordered for the New Year's Eve party
49 stickers with Christmas trees on them found too late to use
48 chocolates in every box
47 marzipan animals on special offer
46 leaves left on the tree outside my window
45 birds on the bird table that aren't robins
44 tinselled bed-pans in the hospital ward
43 pine-needles in the Santa voodoo doll
42 carol singers now under house arrest
41 wild cats in the Christmas tree
40 broken balls on the floor
39 new gray hairs (all in the front)
38 emails to ignore
37 gifts still under the tree because they need batteries
36 fervent wishes that the new year will come quickly
