Overgrown my husband?

and he probably thinks that hes the smarter of the two. Why tell us? try talking to him.

well like i said i did talk to him. He doesn't think we have a problem

He might think your hobbies are boring. It sounds like you have just as much a problem as he does; you sound self rightous and pompous to him. Why would he want to talk to you if all you did was roll your eyes and tell him his interestes are interesting enough? Try playing chess with him, not online but in real life. Have you tried learning the rules of cricket so you can watch together? Tell him you want to find a common ground between the two of you and even if he doesn't think you have a "problem" tell him that you want to spend more time together bonding. If he refuses, perhaps the marriage isn't worth saving.

good advice! I appreciate. You see he is not dumb or anything.I must say i did try to play chess with him )) he is way too good at it.!! I lose all the time And I know the rules of cricket and even watch some important games and know all the players names on his country's team. His interests have their place in my life. But not mine in his.
What bother me though that this is ALL he does and nothing else.
The bottom line is he has no enthusiasm for life, diesn't strive for anything.

My experience has shown that you have to be VERY careful when you categorize your spouses feelings towards things. If he doesn't tell you that he has no enthusiasm for life, you'd do well not to thrust that association upon him.

There is something known as contentment. It's been my discovery that in each relationship it's not uncommon for 1 person to have it, and one to not. This includes my own marriage. I'm content to do my job, explore my hobbies and get 8 hours of sleep a night. My wife, by contrast, is working on her masters degree now, and we have plans to move and let her pursue her PHD once she is through.

Two different approaches to life. My wife wants to continue attaining, and I am comfortable with maintaining the things I enjoy now. That's not to say I won't change my mind later and find another goal to attain.

He's good at chess. He approaches it the way you would gaining knowledge of other things. He practices it religiously. He has ambition, and enthusiasm for the game. Don't mistake "focus" for "lack of enthusiasm".

As for you surpassing him intellectually, big deal. I consider my wife to be entirely smarter than I am about many, many subjects. However, the subjects I choose to attain some level of mastery in I can blow her away in. I don't consider myself "superior" to her, just more knowledgeable and experienced in those areas. If you fell in love and married this man simply for the fact that he can converse on the same level as you, you possibly need to reevalutate your reasons for marriage.

Cheers!

People aren't smarter then one another, just that they understand things differently, anyone who views someone as stupid is really the one at fault for not understanding how the other person is actually intelligent.

Good point. I like how you phrase that.

EXAMPLE:
There were playing Elvis's song on the radio, so i kinda remembered a fact from His life and was telling my hubby about it, then he asks me "Who is Elvis anyway?", that threw me off kind of...I mean everyone knows who Elvis is. I was about to tell him but he didn't seem interested at all and changed the topic.......

EXAMPLE:
There were playing Elvis's song on the radio, so i kinda remembered a fact from His life and was telling my hubby about it, then he asks me "Who is Elvis anyway?", that threw me off kind of...I mean everyone knows who Elvis is. I was about to tell him but he didn't seem interested at all and changed the topic.......

What was he like when you were dating? Is he basically an introvert?

I have found that many people who are attracted to chess are usually bright, analytical, and not terribly social.

What do you have in common? What brought you together? Often age differences bring with them their own unique sets of problems.




How is he doing in his career? Is he successful at what he is doing? Is there anything that you do together? Is it possible that the two of you have very different styles of behaving?


Did you ever sit down and discuss your concerns with him? Is he aware of your unhappiness? I really thing that you need to talk this whole thing out, and if necessary go to a marriage counselor.

Maybe he was trying to make a joke.

regarding his career. He is a computer programmer. He was laid off several months ago. Then found a job , worked for 2 weeks and guess was found not a good match for the company and the position. Anyway they let him go after 2 weeks. I insist he either has to keep up with all the rapid changed in IT world or find something else to do. To satrt a business maybe. He doesn't listen. Says to own a business is too much work and effort.

Hrm. Well that changes things a bit.

vera979- I dunno Vera, but it sounds to me that he has good reason to be a bit down right now. I think that you need to be very supportive. Now is no time to be gettting upset about Elvis.




Do you think that this is the time to "insist" about anything? Your husband has lost his job. That is very ego deflating, especially for a man. And then to be fired on top of it. You need to be boosting him up, not cutting him down!

Is he out looking for another job? If not, he might very well be depressed, and need professional help.

He lost it because he is not good at it and not doing a damn thing to become better at it.

Vera- Has your husband been employed all during the time when you were married?

I think you need to leave your husband

Oh, good grief, none of us know both sides of this. Be careful about nudging people to leave husbands and wives. People sway between emotionally derived certainties.

It's true that it may be she should. But we don't know that here online for sure, or anywhere near that.