hetersexual to homosexual tendency

Hi dk..... and welcome to A2K.

I imagine your daughter always had some tendency towards bi-sexuality but she fell in love with a man first.

I'm no expert in this area but I know we have some members here who could probably offer you sound advice so I thought I'd bump you out into the active forum.

It sounds like you are really struggling with this which lets me know that you really love your daughter but are confused by her decisions.

All I can offer is to point you in the direction of PFLAG which is a group that helps parents and others understand: http://www.pflag.org/

Hi.

Good stuff Boom... Good resource.

I understand how it must be confusing to you. To answer your question, yes.
There are many folks who are bisexual who live a lifestyle which is to all visible eyes a 'straight' lifestyle. Some choose to live their entire lives within heterosexual relationships. Some do not. For some it is not an option they can live with.

There are so many possibilities here. Only your daughter could really answer the big questions in your mind. She is the only one who knows why she has made the decisions she has.

It's not even clear to me if you're saying that your daughter has become homosexual or if you're worried that she might become homosexual

Hello, I am a bisexual female, who has only ever been in relationships with men. Maybe I can offer some perspective. For many women, the idea of another woman is alluring because she is more tender, understanding, and also because sex seems less aggressive. At least, that's my impression. But there is a lot that men offer that cannot be replaced by women, so we choose to be with men. Sex is fulfilling, there is a complementary personality, and on some level, it's just easier than trying to face the reality that you are attracted to women.

I have only experienced fantasy about women...kissed a couple, but that's it. So people often ask me (those who know I am bi anyway), how can you say you want to be with a woman if you never have. The only answer is that it's just something you know intuitively. I remember as a child wanting to marry Cindy Crawford, and I remember asking my mother why God made women sexy and men not sexy.

Now I know that if I ever met the right woman, I would probably go for it. It would be a chance to experience something I have always wanted to (and I don't say that to lessen my relationships with men, which have been great, fulfilling, and sexually exciting). Perhaps your daughter has been presented with this opportunity all of a sudden. Maybe her 18 year marriage was not all that happy. Maybe she really is Gay and not Bi, and out of fear had convinced herself that she loved men. Now she feels trapped and needs to be with this woman who can fulfill her in a way her husband cant. There are many possibilities.

Just a question. Would you be as upset if she left her husband to be alone, or left him to be with another man? Think about their marriage - maybe that's where part of the answer lies.

danielle,

this may be prying and you don't have to say, but I'm just curious, were you open about your bisexuality with the men you dated?

I think that a lot of people are gay and just won't come up because of fear of persecution and rejection from their families. Your daughter may be gay and may always have been gay and finally realizes she is wasting her life being something she isn't. Then again, she might be bisexual or simply curious. Or she might be straight and just enjoys the friendship and companionship of this gay friend.

I am getting the indication that you are afraid the homosexuality will rub off on your daughter, which is just nonsense. We are who we are and no amount of contact with a gay person can make one gay. I'd simply ask your daughter what's going on if you are really concerned.

yes i was open about it. and none of them had a problem with it. they were just curious more than anything. i think they didnt really believe me because i had never been with a woman besides a couple of occasions where I kissed one.

hetersexual to homosexual tendency
I feel my daughter should seek counseling before making rash decisions i

there are other people involve children and a husband who loves her every

much. I am still upset that I her mother had not picked up any bi sexual

tendencies. I am still confussed because as her mother I want to fix it.

dkondzielawa

i agree that because there are kids involved that she and her husband should seek counseling. However, I hope that you and your wife can realize that this is not something you can fix. A person is who they are.

dk--

Welcome to A2K.



Am I wrong in guessing that English is not your native language? That in the world in which you were raised, men were superior to women? That in some ways you feel closer to your son-in-law than to your daughter because you can understand how he feels?

I'm a mother--and step mother. Of course we want to "fix" things so that our children have smooth and serene lives. Unfortunately, while your daughter is ignoring her marriage vows, a bisexual woman is not "broken", she's simply being herself.

Your daughter's choices are hers--and not your responsibility.

Sometimes the hardest part of mothering is to back off and just listen.

I would strongly suggest you checking out the resources available to parents who are in the same situation as you. Your daughter may choose council for herself; but the main thing for you to focus on is your relationship between your daughter and yourself. The rest is her domain.

If you feel a need to 'fix' her bisexual/gay tendencies or find them offensive; that is something you need to work on. It could become a huge barrier between yourself and your daughter. She could feel that as rejection of who she is.

I am a bisexual woman. I came 'out' at an early age. I was lucky enough to grow up in an atmosphere where I felt safe exploring and expressing that aspect of who I am. My mother knows: she has even met a gf of mine who I was quite serious with. Even she, a rather liberal woman in these regards, was struggling with it. We had many long talks. It can be confusing. Especially in cultures where it is seen as a 'sin' or 'unatural'.

Moms have hopes and dreams for their daughters (she'll get married to a nice fellow, have babies, come and visit me) ; and when those dreams are 'threatened' in any way, it can hurt. I understand that. Moms want to believe and feel they know their children and that their child will come to them with everything : not hide parts of themselves. I can understand why there would be pain and confusion on your end.

My heart goes out to you. Please remember that the most important thing is maintaining a healthy relationship with your daughter. Her choices/sexual orientation are her own. She still loves you the same as always. Hopefully, she will do what is right for herself and her family.

Most of my lesbian friends had long term Hetero relationships in the past. (Note most are middle-aged)

Intimacy between women is a very normal and natural thing. I am involved now in a very intimate but platonic relationship with a "straight" woman. At least she defines herself as straight.

The relationship is wonderful...everyone assumes we are lovers...but there is very little doubt that if we "stay together" the relationship will lead to sexual intimacy.

My point is this is very normal and common.

I heard that guys like bisexuals... I would bever be a bi.. I'm just saying.

Quick sidetrack here...
A woman whose main reason for "becoming" bisexual is to get more guys would be better off just, y'know, trying harder to get those guys.
...End sidetrack.

it makes me sick when guys say they think lesbians are hot, but that gay men are gross. Did they ever think that lesbians don't want to f*** them anyway. Pardon my language.

Right on! But they are guys. Guys say and do lots of dumb things. They are guys.

Well, to look at it another way, if a straight guy had a choice between watching two women have sex and watching two men have sex, they'd probably choose to watch the women. This of course doesn't excuse calling gay men "gross", and it doesn't necessarily make lesbians "hot", so don't think I'm trying to defend those guys you cited. Just saying.

Smog is right. The guys who think lesbians are hot are straight guys who look at it as double the enjoyment....watch two chicks instead of one. You don't hear gay men say that lesbians are hot.

women say and do alot of dumb things.
they are just women ...