Presidential Jokes

OSAMA'S LETTER

After numerous rounds of Bush saying, "We don't even know if Osama is
still alive," Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own
handwriting to let him know he was still around.

Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a coded message:

370HSSV-0773H

Bush was baffled, so he typed it out and emailed it to Colin Powell.
Colin and his aides had no clue either so they sent it to the CIA.

No one could solve it so it went to the NSA and then to MIT and NASA and
the Secret Service and to MI5 in Britain.
Eventually they asked South Africa's Scorpions for help. The Scorpions

cabled the White House: "Tell the President he is looking at the message
upside down."

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The President of the United States -- was looking for a call girl. He found
three such ladies in a local lounge: a blonde. a brunette, and a red head.

To the blonde he said, "I am the President of the United States. How much
would it cost me to spend some time with you?"

She responded, "$200."

To the brunette he posed the same question. She replied. "$100."

He then asked the same question to the red-head.

She said, "Mr. President, if you can raise my skirt as high as my taxes,
get my panties as low as my wages, get that thing of yours as hard as the
times, keep it as high as the prices, keep me warmer than my apartment, and
screw me the way you do the public, then believe me, Mr. Bush, it aint
gonna cost you a damn cent!

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Can't you just love me for who I am?

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, The
passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I
just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT???!!! What was that?

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to
hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough
for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my
puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love Me for who I am and not what I
do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with
her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on
several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to
take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to
compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We
went to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond
earrings. Let me tell you, she was so excited. She must have thought I was
one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me
because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to
play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine,
honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the
excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurt out, "No honey, I don't feel
like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled
"WHAT??!!!"

I then said "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.
You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to
satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why
can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you"