my ideas are not heard

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I have been over the years trying to be a good wife and mother. I have always given to my husband and supported all his stupid little endevors. But my ideas are never accepted. I compromised everything I wanted to be a giving person because I thought that would make him see how much I loved him but now I think I jjust created a spoiled brat.

I tell him what I think and he does nothing. I tell him what I would like and if its not his idea he does nothing. I feel so insignificant that now I dont want to be around him. We argue about money which he says we don't have but we do. We argue about how to handle the money. He never listens to me. Why do men think they know everything? When I tell him how I feel he says nothing and does nothing. He told me to go to counceling but he stopped going.

How can I go on. I have tried everything so now i just boss him around and now I get what I want.

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I have tried everything so now i just boss him around and now I get what I want

Sounds like you answered your own question.

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Re: my ideas are not heard

butterfly202 wrote:

I have been over the years trying to be a good wife and mother. I have always given to my husband and supported all his stupid little endevors. But my ideas are never accepted. I compromised everything I wanted to be a giving person because I thought that would make him see how much I loved him but now I think I jjust created a spoiled brat.

I tell him what I think and he does nothing. I tell him what I would like and if its not his idea he does nothing. I feel so insignificant that now I dont want to be around him. We argue about money which he says we don't have but we do. We argue about how to handle the money. He never listens to me. Why do men think they know everything? When I tell him how I feel he says nothing and does nothing. He told me to go to counceling but he stopped going.

How can I go on. I have tried everything so now i just boss him around and now I get what I want.

I'm beginning to sound like a broken record in this forum, but "COUNSELING, COUNSELING, COUNSELING".

You've got needs, your husband has needs. The marriage counselor will give you some good tools and directions on how to improve your quality of life together. This is VERY important. You won't ever be able to completely fix this kind of problem yourself. You both need to go, you both need to be open about hearing things you may not want to hear.

If he stopped going, then it's up to you to figure out why. If he doesn't like the counsellor, find another, but KEEP GOING. If you have to drug him and drag his limp body to the office, DO IT.

Good luck, and best wishes.

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Questioner, there isn't any point to repeating youself with many of these people. They want affirmation, not advice.

I am not saying this is always the case or the case with butterfly, but you will soon see an emerging pattern in this particular forum.

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If he wants to be treated like a child, then by all means continue to do so. I always thought that men caught up with women on the maturity thing, but that's not always the case, seems like we have a nation of Peter Pans. Laughing

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butter, you haven't tried everything. You've tried one way for a long time and found out it doesn't work! Razz

I see that as good news; because at least you can change it if you want to.

The question really is: Do you want affirmation that you are right here or do you want to find something that works to help your marriage?

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COUNSELING
COUNCELING DOESN'T WORK UNLESS YOU WORK AT IT. SO QUESTIONER. SIN ON YOUR HIGH HORSE AND REALIZE THAT.

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Why the yelling? He was just trying to help. You might want to consider that before slapping away the hand trying to help. Rolling Eyes

If this is how you act at home it's no wonder he doesn't listen to you.

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I want him to stand up for himself. I want him to be happy for me in what I do. I want to have a partner not another child. I have tried everything I think that It must be hopeless because non of you seem to have any ideas that I have not tried either. Thanks any way.

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WEll Bella I think that after 17 years of this I guess yelling is all I have because he has not seen the kindness and unconditional love. and Questioner must me a councelor because he says it so much. well it won't work if you don't apply it.

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Butterfly202,

I have learned through counseling and being told I don't know how many times, that rarely when a couple goes into counseling they are at the same point of acceptance.

I was also told in order to change any given situation, one person must be willing to do totally the opposite of what they have done before in order to effect a change.

It is very discouraging being the one that is willing to get counseling and make changes and the other won't.

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butterfly202 wrote:

WEll Bella I think that after 17 years of this I guess yelling is all I have because he has not seen the kindness and unconditional love. and Questioner must me a councelor because he says it so much. well it won't work if you don't apply it.

Why are you blaming him for all this? You started it by coddling him. You created this monster and now you won't accept your half of the responsibility.

Counseling won't work because NEITHER of you seem to want it.

Seriously, if this marriage is as bad as you say it is, you have two choices: Deal with it and keep your mouth shut or flat out tell him things have to change or it's over.

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Everyone is really just looking for the right path, confirmation of what they know in their hearts, it's our job to lay out every possible path incase it's one they have so easily forgotten.

The problem I have with god is he made it to easy, to easy to turn in on ourselves, to easy to stop healing another when we see a problem and focus on our own problems, if all gave endless support to others no one would have to support themselves.

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Deler wrote:

Everyone is really just looking for the right path, confirmation of what they know in their hearts, it's our job to lay out every possible path incase it's one they have so easily forgotten.

The problem I have with god is he made it to easy, to easy to turn in on ourselves, to easy to stop healing another when we see a problem and focus on our own problems, if all gave endless support to others no one would have to support themselves.

What? I don't understand how this has anything to do with the situation at hand. If you think we should be "laying paths" where are your suggestions?

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butterfly202 wrote:

WEll Bella I think that after 17 years of this I guess yelling is all I have because he has not seen the kindness and unconditional love. and Questioner must me a councelor because he says it so much. well it won't work if you don't apply it.

I'm not a councilor, nor am I taking a "high horse". I advocate it because it works. I was completely against it when my wife and I went about 2 years ago. I went along because I wanted to salvage our marriage. It was the best decision we ever made.

If the counciling isn't working, you need a different counciler. There's more than one out there and ONE of them will work for you.

If you don't want to fix the problem then don't come in here blathering about how your marriage is so broken. Call a lawyer and end it. Snivelling and then being beligerant will get you nothing, and is most likely part of the problem you're having.

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Okay, butterfly. You say he won't listen to you or participate in your ideas, but you call his ideas "stupid little endeavors" Why are his interests stupid, and yours are not? I could be wrong, maybe they are stupid, such as if he always wanted to smoke pot instead of go to work, or if he decided to spend all his money on some investment that would inevitably fail. However, it sounds to me like you are blaming the fact that you two are incompatible on him having stupid interests and not wanting to listen to you and participate in your (assumingly) better interests. If you want the marriage to work, you need to confront that.

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Okay butter, I guess that answers my question.
Best of luck!

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Then why don't you start reserving your display of unconditional love, so that he realizes he can't just get away with everything. Honestly, it must be very difficult to avoid taking advantage of a wife that never stands up for her own beliefs.

Now he's got 17 years of evidence that he can treat you that way and you'll still love him. It's going to be HARD to reverse that impression. You've got to assert yourself and make your voice heard. You've got to keep loving him, and not get all bitter and bitchy, but at the same time learn to reserve your love so that he sees you as a person which is complicated and has needs instead of just a complacent housewife.

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..just go away on holiday for a month, let him take care of everything
seeing as you mother him, and he acts like a child....probably do you both a world of good, might put your marriage back into focus and he may be open to more of your ideas! :wink:

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Never mind.

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my ideas are not heard

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