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Tue 4 Oct, 2005 02:14 pm
I'm 43 and divorced from an 8 yr marriage, now for 8 yrs with 2 kids (9 and 13) who live with their mother and I see them regularly. I went out with my ex-gf for the last 2 yrs and she dumped me a year ago because she said she didn't fancy me or love me - I was very hurt as I loved her. She stayed in touch and wanted to be friends - this was impossible for me, so we didn't speak. She didn't date anyone else, and she got in touch to say she missed me, and a few months later we went out with each other again, it all felt great. Then she did it again and I was totally devastated and angry that I'd gone back with her. She had the same reasons - lack of commitment, unclear what she wanted etc. This time she wanted no contact at all. I've simplified it as much as possible here.
I started dating again after a few weeks and met a very special lady who's divorced after a 20 yr marriage. On occasion I think about my ex and feel I may still love her, but I'm enjoying the attention of my new gf, and it's been 2 months now. I'm meeting her friends and have met her 2 teenage kids. About 3 months has passed since my ex-gf dumped me last time, and she's got in touch again saying she's in a different place and she loves me and wants to be with me. If I wasn't with the current gf I'd jump at the chance I'm sure to be with my ex-gf, but I also like the new gf lots and I'm stuck.
Any advice?
Londoner
Try the new relationship. You may find you can easily fall in love with the new woman. However, you need to be upfront with the new woman. It isn't fair to her to think there is a chance when maybe, there isn't. Explain to her that you are in a rough time right now and do still have feelings for your ex but you'd like to take it slow and try to get to know her better. Maybe she'll run but could you live with yourself sleeping with one woman, and loving another?
Londoner--
Welcome to A2K.
Are you superstitious? Do you really think that the third reconciliation will work when the first two didn't? Or are you a slow learner?
Do you think the woman you're dating now deserves to be dumped because you're ex-girlfriend is whistling, "Come here, boy! Come!"?
Good advice thanks, but the new-gf would run if I told her. I love being with the ex but am scared she'll change her mind again and I'll have missed the opportunity with the new gf who is great. I'm annoyed that the ex-gf has looked me up, as I was doing great with the new-gf. I'm very confused.
That's exactly why I don't want to end it with her - she deserves better than that, but I love the ex still so I'm stuck. I will go out with my gf but I'm finding it tough to get in too deep for her sake.
Noddy24 wrote:Londoner--
Welcome to A2K.
Are you superstitious? Do you really think that the third reconciliation will work when the first two didn't? Or are you a slow learner?
Do you think the woman you're dating now deserves to be dumped because you're ex-girlfriend is whistling, "Come here, boy! Come!"?
Ignore the ex.
You need your emotions yanked to and fro like you need a hole in the head. She's going to do the same thing again to you, and it she doesn't you will never be able to fully relax worrying that she will dump you. If she HAS changed, fabulous for her.
Give the current relationship a chance. You could develop some very strong feelings for this new woman and in six months realize how immature and unimportant your ex was.
Stop wondering about the ex. She had her chance(s) with you. It's time to have a more normal and sane relationship. Not something that stresses you out and makes you constantly anxious.
If you ex is pushing you and won't leave you alone, tell her YOU are not sure you fancy/love HER any more and you will need some time.
I can see what this is. Your ex likes the "idea" of you. She wants you when she can't have you. She is in love with the idea that you love her so much that you will take her back at the drop of a hat, even if she treats you terribly and plays with your emotions. Truth is she really does not love you. She has already shown she has no respect for you and that is something that you can't get back if you keep jumping every time she snaps her fingers. Show her you are a mature and self-respecting man. Tell her you don't play games and have found a wonderful woman who does not play games with you. A pity for your ex, since you could really have showered her with the love that you have in your heart for her if she wasn't so selfish as to string you along, hoping someone better would come along.
Thanks very much for that helpful and sane advice. I've been told I'm too nice.
Heeven wrote:Ignore the ex.
You need your emotions yanked to and fro like you need a hole in the head. She's going to do the same thing again to you, and it she doesn't you will never be able to fully relax worrying that she will dump you. If she HAS changed, fabulous for her.
Give the current relationship a chance. You could develop some very strong feelings for this new woman and in six months realize how immature and unimportant your ex was.
Stop wondering about the ex. She had her chance(s) with you. It's time to have a more normal and sane relationship. Not something that stresses you out and makes you constantly anxious.
If you ex is pushing you and won't leave you alone, tell her YOU are not sure you fancy/love HER any more and you will need some time.
I can see what this is. Your ex likes the "idea" of you. She wants you when she can't have you. She is in love with the idea that you love her so much that you will take her back at the drop of a hat, even if she treats you terribly and plays with your emotions. Truth is she really does not love you. She has already shown she has no respect for you and that is something that you can't get back if you keep jumping every time she snaps her fingers. Show her you are a mature and self-respecting man. Tell her you don't play games and have found a wonderful woman who does not play games with you. A pity for your ex, since you could really have showered her with the love that you have in your heart for her if she wasn't so selfish as to string you along, hoping someone better would come along.
Mmmm, single man, "I've been told I'm too nice" ... are you hot? Forget the ex AND the current, WE women of A2K will have you. Yes, you are OURS now! "Londoner" eh? Sounds kinda sexy! I'll have to ....
SMACK!
<<Noddy chases Heeven away as she protects newcomer>>
Heeven--
I'm not going to flap my apron--if every a man needed vigorous courting by a warm, mature and witty woman it is Londoner.
Go for it.
Your ex sounds like she is playing with your emotions, picking you up and dropping you at her every whim. Stick with your current girlfriend, try this new relationship. I'm guessing that if you tell your ex you don't want to be with her, you will suddenly become the most attractive man on earth to her.
My dear Londener -
As Abraham Lincoln used to say "Fool me once,
shame on you" - "Fool me twice, shame on me".
Are you sure you are not her "tweener".
Good luck, Sglass
Londoner,
the same exact thing happened with me. I wanted to believe she had changed...and she did an excellent job of convincing me she HAD changed...but she couldn't really change herself that much and in the end, it happened again. Don't make the same mistake thrice.
Londoner,
As far as you ex is concerned -- run far and run fast, baby! Change your phone number, your email address, and if she still tries to contact you -- move!
Seriously, though, I agree with the other people here. She obviously has zero respect for you. Say goodbye to her forever.
I vote for the new girlfriend!!
But I'm curious about something. Would you say that your "ex-gf" is the only woman who has treated you this way? Or have you had a history of getting involved with woman who treat you badly?
Londoner..the only opportunity your missing with the EX is to have your heart broke again.
Remember that feeling of anger towards yourself for going back with her the second time? Whats to become of it the third...fourth time?
Hang with the new woman in your life....forget the EX!
I wish I had this problem.
Amigo: do you need a crazy ex?! I can fly out and torture you if you empty out your bank account for me, biotch!
I'm about ready for that but I threw all their numbers out so I wouldn't be tempted. P.S. My bank account ain't worth flying anywhere. It ain't even worth a bike ride.
Hey, No sympathy for Amigo. Cash donations only. P.S. I accidently highjacked this thread. I'm outta here.
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