Famous Quotes

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Tom Clancy: "I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."

Steve Martin: "You know `that look' women get when they want sex? Me neither."

Drew Carey: "Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as meaningless experiences go, it's pretty damned good."

Woody Allen: "Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."

Rodney Dangerfield: "If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no sex life at all."

The late, great George Burns: "It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married."

Also from George Burns: "Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."

Linda Lavner: "There are a number of mechanical devices which
increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is
the Mercedes-Benz."

Laughing

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LOL!

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Since we're on the topic of humor, these are some quotes from GW:

"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?"

"What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position."

"It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it."

"We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself."

"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."

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Or perhaps . . .

"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society."
Mark Twain.

"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally."
WC Fields.

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
Maria Carey.

"Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others."
Groucho Marx.

"Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions."
Woody Allen.

"It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on."
Marylyn Munroe.

"There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn't stand for that."
Steve Martin.

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I am going to split out the off-topic stuff from this thread. This is a Jokes thread, people! If you want to talk Politics, make your own thread. Thank you.

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Another Woody Allen observation:

"Being bisexual automatically doubles your chances of getting a date Saturday night."

I don't remember what movie this dialogue was from- maybe "Take the Money and Run"?:

Woody: So, what are you doing Friday night?
Sullen woman: Commiting suicide.
Woody: What about Thursday?

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MAE WEST

Woman: Goodness, what beautiful diamonds
MW: Goodness had nothing to do with it, dearie.

Woman: "Do you believe in love at first sight?"
MW: "I don't know but it saves an awful lot of time. (Maudie Triplett)

Woman: "Chemistry's a wonderful thing."
MW: "I'll say it is, but I know a couple of druggists that never made a dime 'til Prohibition."

Man: "You were wonderful tonight."
Tira: "I'm always wonderful at night."

Man: "Tonight I thought you were especially good."
Tira: "When I'm good I'm very good, but when I'm bad I'm better."

Man: "If I could only trust you ..."
Tira: "You can ... hundreds have."

Man: "I'm crazy about you."
Tira: "I did my best to make you that way."

Man: "What are you thinking about?"
Tira" "Same thing you are ..."

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it's great to start the day with a laugh Laughing

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