BLOOPERS

Actual Announcements From Church



1. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of
the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

2. Tuesday at 4:00 P.M. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies
giving milk, please come early.

3. Wednesday, the ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will
sing, "Put me in My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.

4. Thursday at 5:00 P.M. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers
Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in
his study.

5. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Smith to come forward and
lay an egg on the altar.

6. The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the
ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

7. On Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the expenses
of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet,
please come forward and get a piece of paper at the end of the service.

8. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they
may be seen in the church basement Friday.

9. A bean supper will be held Saturday evening in the church basement.
Music will follow.

10. The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David
Alan Bleser, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Delser.

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Hotel Signs
In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the
chambermaid.

In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In a Bangkok dry cleaners:
Drop your trousers here for best results.

Outside a Paris dress shop:
Dresses for street walking.

In a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute
customers in strict rotation.

In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the
opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the
lobby be used for this purpose.

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon
having a good time.

In a Czechoslovakin tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no
miscarriages.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?

In a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food,
give it to the guard on duty.

In the office of a Roman doctor:
Specialist in women and other diseases.

In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.