Exgirlfriend's picture living room @ In-Laws!

Oh, I didn't mean to use capital letters sorry
I don't use the computer often, I was just trying to make the point. I meant nothing by it towards you (referring to cap letters).

Yes, thanks for the advise.

What pretty eyes the little one has...

Re: Oh, I didn't mean to use capital letters sorry


Was your husband around for this? It sounds to me like whether he was or whether they meant for you to convey the message, there is a strong undercurrent of disapproval for how he has been treating his many "other" offspring -- disapproval that, from what you've said, I have a certain amount of sympathy for.

This little girl is as much their grandchild as your son is, and I can imagine they find it galling that she is given so little notice.

All of which has little or nothing to do with you, per se.

This was my read as well, boomer.

Dear Boomerang and others...
Sorry, I don't know how to paste the message in here to respond. I NEVER used the word fat, and I wasn't even talking about the same person. This was about his exwife not the girlfriend, my INLAW constantly told me his EXWIFE looked like me, she looked nothing like me, and I WAS SHOCKED as to why she would have said that. THAT IS ALL I MEANT! I don't give a crap if I'm tiny or not, as a matter of fact, I'm TRYING to gain weight...all the stress of the year had kept me under weight...

Extended families and blended families
BTW, whoever is interested, I looked up the definition of these two often used terms.

An example of blended is stepfather, his kids, your kids, etc. under one household.

Extended families are two adults from THE SAME FAMILY of different generations that share a household.

EXTENDED FAMILIES ARE NOT EX SPOUSES...geez

Lindsay, there is not one, and one only, definition of extended family.

Extended families do not necessarily all live together under one roof. There are some definitions that suggest that. Others do not.

Ex-spouses and ex-partners may be considered, by some people, to be members of their extended families. Relatives of children may be considred extended family.

~~~~~~

You need to sort out your feelings about this with your husband. What your in-laws decide to do, is in many ways, none of your business. It may have an impact on you - but you are talking about what takes place in their home - where they are in charge.

Your husband's ex-partner may not be part of how you define YOUR extended family - but your in-laws make their own decisions.

It's clear you're annoyed and upset by their choices. What they do is not your choice. How you react, and behave in response, is.

Lindsay, I reread this entire thread before posting because I wanted to make sure I was giving you the benefit of any doubt I had. You came here asking for advice on how best to deal with your in-laws. Much of the advice has focused on stepping back and accepting your in-laws feelings about their granddaughter.

After rereading this thread I think the very first bit of advice from Noddy summed up my thoughts exactly. Here it is again.




If you want to earn your in-laws respect then accept that they love their granddaughter. First grandchildren are oftentimes special and it seems they are trying very hard to make sure their granddaughter isn't forgotten. Kudos to them.

In regards to your husband's ex-wife you said,



Of course she could do that, but she's chosen not to. Your husband is the father of her children (child?, I didn't understand the point of one of them not being his) and she chooses to spend time at your MILs house while he is visiting his son(s). This is entirely up to your MIL, your husband, and his ex-wife. I'm not trying to be snotty here, but I really don't see where you have any standing in this matter at all.

I've once had a MIL who didn't think I was good enough for her son, so I know how that feels. Over the course of time, I was respectful, polite, and caring. After we'd been married a few years they came to me and apologized for the mean things they had said about me before we married. You can earn their respect or you can harbor hard feelings and let it rot away at you and your relationship with your husband.

Your husband has a long history of not sticking around for very long and being the father of your child means he will be in your life, one way or the other, for a very long time. How you handle this situation might well determine how well your marriage goes.

You've told him how you feel, he's told you there isn't anything he can (or will) do about it. My advice is to swallow this one. It's not going to help the situation by harboring and expressing hard feelings.

Very well put.

Lindsay--

You seem to have strong feelings about what your in-law's should do and your husband should do and what the mothers of your husband's other children should do and what A2K people should do--or not do.

I'm all for confident women--I'm one myself--but confident women have to lean over backward not to be seen as bossy. Bossy gets you nowhere.

Yes, I know
The InLaws are probably trying to remind my husband, I agree, and possibly it's not coming across well to me, and she isn't considering me and how it sounds at all...it's possible, not sure.

I remember being told by someone quite wise "90% of questions are not truly questions. They are pleas for justification of a stance already taken"
I believe this is the case here.

Lindsay; the folks here at a2k are great. Many people have taken the time to give thoughtful, kind responses to your questions. If you choose not to listen or take the advice given, that is your choice.

I for one can not offer up any 'come-backs' for the in-laws. I think that's silly.

anyhow, take care.

I feel really immature..

Lindsay...I know of one family that would rather shock you.

There is this one couple that is married, has one child together, adopts one and she has her daughter from her first marriage.

The , ex-father in law shows up, moves into a house next door. To be close to his grandchild. The Ex-Father in Law takes up with all three children, makes no differences in any of them..they are all his. (A very sweet man)

A few years later, the wifes, ex husband, shows up with his new girlfriend...he's 38, she's 18...and they live with the ex-wife and new husband, new child, adopted child and their child... for a few months, till they moved down the road.

They joke all the time about the "Big Happy extended family"...its strange, but it takes all kinds to make the world go round. And it surprisingly works...rather well.

Dear Makemeshiver33,

There is a girl missing right now who is 18 who recently dated a 38 year old male...and he is being ripped to shreds in the media for the age difference, and how disgusting it is...that is NOT normal, nor is right...she is a young adult (the girl you mentioned. Who cares how it seems on the outside whether it's working or not...that is clearly wrong. His mind and experience is way beyond hers and there is no comparison...listen to Dr. Laura.

Unfortunately, people nowadays are into ...if it feels good do it....No, there is a right and wrong way to act, there is a right and wrong way to behave, there is a right and wrong way to live your life...So, wake up people and take a stand.

I'm glad I don't do things to hurt people and I live my life with morals and ethics. I hope my kids learn something...and yes, in the process, I do expect to stick up for myself in the process...rude mother-in-laws, rude coworkers or anything else that comes my way. I am NO doormat either. If someone constantly tries to get at me, or is inconsiderate, I will flat out tell them, or reply in a nice way to get my point across.

?

I'm trying to figure out what that has to do with the previous post.

People 18 and over are considered to be adults by the state. Immature and possibly stupid adults, to be sure, but they are considered to be adults. They are of age in terms of consenting to a sexual relationship, voting, being drafted, etc. Love or hate these choices, these are the choices of adults.

If there is abuse or the like going on, then that is one thing. That's not right at any age, of course, and I feel silly for even saying it. But not every age differential relationship is necessarily a bad one. I think it's a case by case kind of a thing.