Children & restaurants ... a good mix?

Gotten some glares, but then, consider the source.

The hostility of an ignoramus doesn't mean much to me, because I know there are plenty of others who are silently cheering.

Here it is from the viewpoint of a parent. Yes and no. I believe children, even young children and babies are no issue in a restaurant as long as they know how to behave. It is not the child's fault at all if they are misbehaving - they will do what the parents allow. It is the parent's fault.

I have two young children. When I had my first baby, my husband and I would go out all the time to restaurants with her. From casual to fine dining. We were blessed with having a very happy baby that we could take any where. Whenever we initially go into a restaurant we would get the eye rolling, etc., but by the time we left we had many people come up to us and say what a sweet and well behaved baby we had. Now granted even a good tempered baby can get fussy. If this happened, one of us simply took the baby out until she calmed down - very simple - everyone happy.

As she got to be a toddler, we continued taking her to restaurants. It was great because she learned how to behave properly in certain situations. We would not assume that a restaurant had crayons to entertain her; we would bring little toys and other things. She loved going to restaurants and still does. Again as every child has her moments, if she misbehaved or got fussy, we simply took her outside or away from the main restaurant, spoke with her and calmed her down before she could return.

Now that we have two children, it is a little more difficult (and too expensive) to go to the nicer restaurants with them so we don't. On a rare occasion (like vacation) we may, but again we use the above techniques. Children and restaurants (even fine dining ones) can co-exist quite pleasantly, but it is up to the parents to control the situation.

One other thing is we tried to go to these restaurants earlier in the evening for two reasons…1) the children are not as tired so less likely to be fussy; and 2) there are less people in the restaurant so it is easier on everyone (including the waitstaff - who tend to have to work a little harder when young children are at the table).

Squinney - that is a great technique. I have done the same to other children and I have had the same done to me especially at the checkout in the grocery store. I think most moms understand that - that sometimes a stranger saying something has a bit more impact than mom. They suddenly realize that others are seeing them being a bit naughty (even if mom already told them that).

I love the story Squinney - reminds me of recently. My two year old and I are using the public bathroom at a restaurant when we on vacation. She went first and then I went. She hears me peeing. She shouts "Yah mommy, you are peeing, good girl, give me a high five!" Obviously she is potty training. I just loved walking out of the stall.

I've often appreciated stranger interactoin with my kids when they don't want to stay put (not just in restaurants) because of that exact reaction.

This is really interesting. Thanks for your responses. I'd share a restaurant with your children anytime! But now, to even things up, I want to hear from those BAD, irresponsible parents! :wink:

My Dad never believed in physical punishment, and I can never remember being told off by him, other than the dreaded "magic finger", as we boys used to call it.

I always knew when I had overstepped the mark, as he would get up and walk directly towards me, looking at nothing other than ME.

He would then tell me, in quite clear terms, what he wanted me to do at that very moment, and emphasise the point by wagging his finger so close, that it would brush the end of my nose.

"You will sit down (wag wag) and you will be quiet (wag wag) and if I hear another word (wag wag) out of you, I will get (wag wag) very cross."

All this time, my two brothers would be leaning into view in the background, and imitating the finger wagging.

Now....I don't know whether it was the fear of my Dad actually getting cross that did it, or the humiliation of having my brothers mock me (don't worry, I did the same to them)....but I did as I was told.

Boundaries.....it's all about boundaries, as far as I am concerned. Us three boys, and many other kids in our generation, were not allowed to get away with bad behaviour. Simple as that. This even extended down to simple things like "please" "thank you"...opening doors for ladies, giving up seats on the bus, etc etc.

All of this was instilled by my parents and it did not lead me to have psychological problems, nor did it not stop me from having great fun as a child.
However, I soon found out that certain "fun" things brought out the magic finger, and didn't do them again.

<Puts on bad parent hat.>

Ok, here's the truth. I have one child that is very easy to correct with a sideways glance. The other is much tougher. Sometimes I'm just tired, or I'd just like to eat my meal before it gets cold, or I'd just like to finish my conversation with my friend while the thoughts are still in my head. And while that's going on, little angel has begun annoying the crap out of nearby patrons.

I'm just not always a good parent. It's like any other job -- sometimes you're on top of things, sometimes the job is kicking your ass.

And before I take off my bad parent hat, when I'm at my wits end, the last thing I care about is whether someone I don't know is enjoying their meal.

You weren't the one that hit me with an umbrella, because I batted her kid with an exceptionally stale baguette, were you?

Yep. And god forbid if ever a teacher had the smallest complaint about anything I'd done! Momma mia!

No, I've always appreciated strangers who take the time to bat my children with baguettes when my hands are too full to do the job properly.

<sigh> It's a tough job, alright!

27 kids ( aged 9 to 10) and I spent the last week on a fieldtrip. Lunch and dinner was served in the main restaurant. Tablecloth, flowers, the "real" thing, no fast food setting. The other guests were people on holidays, mostly senior citizens.
Did it work- yes. But we made up some rules- the kids and I together: No yelling, no running, and eat the way you do at home. This last part was the most difficult- some did lack table manners. But they learned quickly from the group.( One boy told another: My stomach is turning, you eat so noisily.)
The other guests and the management treated them not as kids, but as guests- and the children lived up to what was expected from them.

Bravo, ul! Now THAT is an achievement!

Good one!

especially liked the one kid telling the other his eating habits turned his stomach.....

see, even other kids prefer good manners!

Its funny Chai how soon children recognize bad behavior in OTHER children. My two year old will frequently point out other children misbehaving when we are out and ask me why this child is yelling or screaming or whatever he may be doing.

Funny how they have a harder time recoginzing this behavior in themselves.

Sadly, this is also true of adults. I'm including myself, of course.

I agree with most of you that misbehaved children should
not be taken to nice restaurants, and frankly the parents
should be asked to leave if their little precious ones won't
quit terrorizing other eaters.

I have seen this numerous times in good, expensive restaurants where there wasn't even a kids menu offered to discourage parents
from bringing them.

My child had a choice: she either behaved in restaurants
or she was left at home with the babysitter. When she chose
the restaurant, she knew what to do. Of course I also took
enough crayons and coloring books with me to occupy her,
and we made sure that the dinner didn't drag out for hours
on end, but I always could count on her minding her manners, and we had a stressfree meal.

So, I feel if I could teach my child to behave in restaurants,
so can other parents, and I have no sympathy for obnoxious
little tyrants who along with their parents have absolutely
no concern for others.

There have been many times that I have been in a restuarant and the kids are going absolutely wild... but that is usually when the parents are just chatting away tuning the kid out and the kid is going "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy(louder), Mommy(louder and starts kicking feet and wailing hands, Mommy(screams).... and finally the mother is like WHAT I am talking and the kid will just say something pointless... but if the mother had said what after the first Mommy then it wouldn't have caused a scene.

No, if she said "what" the kid would've said "ummmm...." with nothing really to say after all because the whole point was just to get mommy to stop what she was doing.

I'm wondering whether one reason children misbehave in restaurants is that they aren't accustomed to sitting down for a family meal anyplace.

On the Fringes of Mr. Noddy's family there are several batches of toddlers who exist on snack food and who aren't taught table manners (unless not wiping your greasy fingers on Mommie's dress is table manners).

I know I've told this story before, but it's a good story.

Mr. Noddy and I were out for the evening at an upscale restaurant. A couple came in with a ten-year-old girl who banged on her water glass and rocked on her chair and sassed her parents and whined loudly....

Her parents made absolutely no attempt to control her behavior and glared right back at the other patrons who were glaring at them.

As we were leaving I stopped at the table and announced in a loud, clear voice how much I admired their courage and patience in seeing that their retarded daughter was given mainstream experiences.

The child's behavior improved immediately.