Children & restaurants ... a good mix?

I'll be upfront here & admit I've had the odd restaurant experience that's led me to almost want to strangle parents of particularly "exuberant" children! :wink: Not the children, mind.

But when you're trying to eat a meal that you've paid for in a public place how on earth are you supposed to respond when small children proceed to have a relay race, up & down the length of the the place? And their parents apparently don't notice that this might be a problem for others there ... in fact, they simply don't see what their children are up to & continue with their conversation, oblivious, as if the children belonged to someone else?

Is it unreasonable to expect children to behave differently in a public place like a restaurant than in their own lounge rooms?

If they behave well then fine but I dont think restaurants are 'designed' for kids.
Thats what McDonalds and Pizza Hut are for.

But parents often take children to restaurants, so ....

'Course not, unless you talk to some parents. Then again, some parents are not in control. Their kids are.

We've been to more than one restaurant where the experience was, shall we say, not enhanced, by kids kicking each other, yelling, screaming, crying, throwing stuff, running up and down the aisles, bothering the servers, etc. And the parents did nothing to try to remedy the problem.

Now, I understand that people cannot always afford a sitter or perhaps they are trying to use the opportunity to teach their children manners. And I have no problem with parents who make an effort to get things under control, even if their efforts prove futile. What bothers me if parents who do absolutely nothing, and just let it happen. It really makes me wonder about how they are in all other aspects of their children's lives. And, bottom line, some things in restaurants are less than safe for children, e. g. the presence of steak knives, hot plates being carried around, heavy trays that can come crashing down on someone's head, etc., and it's troubling when parents do not see these potential problems and work to avoid them.

Three ways of getting around this -
1) Eat later. Families want dinner at 5, 6 PM, so eat at 8 and they are generally long gone, even in family-style restaurants.
2) Eat at more expensive, upscale places, although keep in mind that that does not always work as there are folks who think their precious darlings are perfectly suited for Tavern on the Green, etc. The more a meal costs per person, the less likely a family is to go there. If you're at McDonald's or Applebee's, though, you kind of need to expect there are going to be families there, as those places are some of the most affordable, and McD's, of course, is very kid-centric.
3) Eat at places that don't have the kinds of foods most kids go for. Avoid burgers and fries, go for sushi or French Continental (e. g. escargot is on the menu). Again, this isn't a sure thing, but you will reduce the odds.

I'm interested in the parents that "don't notice anything". This is so common. What does their lack of acknowledgement mean?: Resignation? "Too bad. We don't care."? "This is what kids are like. Just wear, it you latte drinking so & so ...!" :wink:

Thats hardly gonna help in encouraging healthy eating habits though, is it. Once "eating out/having fun/special occasion" gets equated with "McDonalds" in the kid's mind, you've lost that battle.

Which raises the question: why arent there any more child-friendly restaurants that are not fast-food? Because face it - with a small kid, sure you can have them behave better than pulling the cord from kitchen machinery, but theyre just not going to sit still for an hour and a half. Theyre just not.

So should parents then hire a baby-sitter and leave the kid(s) everytime they might want dinner out? What about when they're on holidays with the children, or just out for the day somewhere, or visiting friends in small downtown apartments?

It kinda sucks that parents are basically doomed to fast-food or pizza for five to ten years whenever they're away from home with the kids...

I do remember there was a Dutch website suggesting "child-friendly" eateries, or a guide...

Parents that have control of their children and have taught them the difference between playground setting and church setting, should be able to take their kids to any restaurant.

I have been known to approach children / parents in certain out of control moments in public. Often, just a strange adult speaking to the child will cause them to quiet down and cling to Mom. Also a good way to find out if Mom is even around if the child is running wild and appears alone.

Nothing mean, just a "My you have a lot of eneregy. I bet you'd rather be at the park or playing outside, huh? " Kid stares wide eyed, mouth dropped open and slowly shakes head in agreement. "Maybe Mom will take you someplace to run and play after you sit nicely and finish eating. But, you have to sit nicely and eat first, can you do that for me?"

Gentle enough approach to hopefully not embarrass or draw attention, while still getting the message across. If Mom gets upset, too bad.

Excellent, squinney! That certainly beats the experience of the whole place being held hostage, as everyone sits there rolling their eyes!

I'm curious: Have you ever gotten a response from the parents when you've approached a child in such a way?

I think most tuned in parents can tell whether their children can handle a restaurant situation. I've taken my kids out many times. I freely admit that some of these were "learning experiences" where I had to wisk one of them outside to get the point across that what they were doing was not consistent with "restaurant manners". This caused stares and embarrassment but it was all part of parenting and I'm not ashamed to have done it. As a result, they are very well behaved now.

Keep in mind that parents don't always have a choice. For instance, if they're traveling or tourists they don't really have the choice to eat anywhere but out.

In general I'm pretty forgiving about children in public. If they're tearing the place up, that's another story.

Usually, just a smile and they escort little Johnny away. But, it works cause little Johnny is then "scared" into staying at his table so strangers don't talk to him about his behavior anymore.

Rarely, they agree to something like, yes, after you eat we'll...

Either way, the rest of us eat in a little more peace.

Sometimes I strike up conversations with a whiney child in the check out line when Mom appears too exjausted to deal with them. Just the diversion from the rows of candy long enough to get Mom checked out is usually appreciated. Nothing that may raise eyebrows, like asking name or anything personal. I try to go for something of interest to the age of the child and ask about their favorite show, book, song, etc. Just whatever pops into my head that seems appropriate for that child - their clothing usually has Pooh or Blues Clues or some hint of their interests.

I've been known to sing Itsy Bitsy Spider complete with hands.

You're a star, squinney! Every check & restaurant out should have at least one of you!

Squinney hits the nail on the head with playground setting, and church setting. I would love to be as diplomatic as you, but find that a quick bat round the head with a baguette usually works.

Parents have a duty to instill good "public" behaviour in their children.

As a child, I was always told that "children should be seen and not heard".

I tended to get this the wrong way round in my head though, and used to hide in the drinks cupbaord when guests arrived, and then shout a lot.

I think so long as people can see that the parents are taking responsibility for there kids, well, what more could they expect? No problem. Children have to learn somehow. Like I said earlier, it's parents who seem to seem oblivious that their kids are running amok & driving everyone else crazy that really bug me.

That's not to say I've never been embarrassed by one of the cubs in a restaurant.

We have several places that are nicer than McDonalds or Pizza joints, but not upscale ritzy. We have a buffet style restraurant called Golden Corral that is not upscale, but not fast food. Used to take the kids there after church.

One Sunday when cubs were about 3,5 and 11, we were having lunch along with hundreds of others that had just left church. Everyone was nicely dressed, mannerly, even mix of family and the elderly.

After about thirty minutes, Bear excuses himself to go to the mens room. Eleven year old follows him and says he needs to go to. The two younger cubs and I wait. And wait. We get dessert. We wait.

Then eleven year old comes out of the bathroom and YELLS across the restaurant, "Shelley, (cause I'm step Mom, not Mom) Dads taking a big ol' poop and it STINKS."

EVERYONE turns to see which table he is going to. I'm sinking. About that time Bear comes out ready for dessert, but see's that I am gathering up coats and kids with a horrified look on my face.

"Wha...? What are you doing? I haven't had dessert yet."

"And, you aren't going to. Now here, carry baby cub. I've got girl cub."

We get to the parking lot and I tell Bear what had happened. We spoke to eleven year old about whats appropriate / not appropriate, but later cracked up laughing. We didn't go back there for a long time.

I paid hard earned money to eat at the restaurant of my choice, and expect to be able to enjoy my meal without screaming running children.

I have no problem with asking to see the management and requesting they go to the parents of the children and and advice them to get them to settle down so that the other dozen tables in the vacinity can enjoy their dining experience.
If a child starts acting up - the parent needs to take the child and with no fuss go for a walk outside to either be educated or until the child calms down. He can scream in the parking lot all night if he wants. He/she will learn that they are missing out on the good times and food inside because of their behavior.

There is no excuse for parents not to teach their children not to scream in public, to chew with their mouths closed, stay in their chairs and generally behave like human beings. This is NOT to much to ask for from you children.

The children who are allowed to behave like monsters turn into adults who chew with their mouth open, use cell phones at the table, and wear baseball caps indoors, and are obnoxious to waitstaff

Taking children to McDonalds and Pizza Hut leads them to believe they can behave this way anywhere.

I was taught manners at the table at home, and practiced them in fine restaurants before the age of 5. One good memory of childhood for me is remembering how special it felt to sit in a nice place with tablecloths, being waited on by professionals and eating different foods that we didn't get at home. The proper behavior had to go along with that treat.

I was also brought up on the "seen & not heard" principle, Ellpus. I would have gotten my bottom smacked, right there in public if I'd behaved badly. Hmmm, seems like ancient history, doesn't it?

I'm curious, Chai Tea. Have you ever received a hostile response from the parents on the occasions you've complained about children to the management?

Actually, I can never figure out why the management doesn't intervene when parents make no effort to restrain rowdy children in these situations. It seems unreasonable that another customer has to do it.

Pizza Hut have always had a salad bar and McDnalds are doing more healthy fod now.

I dont think you can blame restaurants for what kids eat, its not them that say how often kids eat or what they can eat.