Stop that Clinging!

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My daughter started the 1st grade this year. Since she is attending the same school as last year there is only a few differences. She now attends 5 days rather than 3, and she has a new teacher (that she absolutely loves). Even the children are the same - other than 3 who moved away.

Toward the end of last year, I would walk her to the door and give her a hug and kiss and she would walk to the gym (meeting/line up place before school starts). The first week of this year, I walked her to the gym. Since, I didn't get to meet her new teacher (we were on vacation during the meet the teacher night), I was hoping to get the opportunity to meet her during her stint watching the students in the morning.

Since I did finally get to chat with her I explained to my daughter, that I would walk her to the door and she could walk to the gym herself. The five or ten minute difference can be the difference between me arriving to work on time and arriving late. She did not want this and insisted that I walk her to the gym. I compromised and said I will walk you inside the door. At the door she made a scene clinging to my leg and kept insisting on more hugs and kisses. Not that I don't love the attention, but I had to pry her arms off me. And just to top it - as I walk out, a boy in her class comes bounding in all on his own with an ear to ear grin.

What to do about a clinger?

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Don't they all go through this. When my kids are feeling clingy, I indulge them. In fact, I go overboard until they can't wait to get away from me. Perhaps you could go a little early one day (so you have time) and hold her tight at the door until you start to make a scene. She'll be squirming to get away from you.

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I try, I do try to go early. The problems are getting everywhere in a narrow window of time with two young children (and trying not to appear rushed). To add to this my dad recently had heart surgery. He used to pick up my youngest a couple of days a week. Since he cannot drive for a month or more, I need to drop off the 2 year old at my parents (20 minutes drive or so) and then drive the 1st grader to school (another 20 - 25 minute drive). To add to complications she cannot be dropped off any earlier than 8:00 and I am supposed to be at work by 9:00. My whole life is cut close and relies on every minute falling into place.

Funny thing is (not that I mind), she does not even get embarrassed kissing and hugging in front of the kids in her class. The first week I brought my younger daughter to our company back up daycare to help with my dad's recovery and to help with my commute. I did spend a little additional time to help with the adjustment. I don't really mind the closeness and realize I should appreciate as in the future she probably won't even want me around. But she is extreme. I mean I literally was peeling her arms off me. It also makes me feel a bit cruel that all she wants is her mommy and I am pushing her away.

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This too will pass.

Can you explain that the Morning Drop Off is "Zoom" time? Quick hug and kiss and then she Zooms to the gym and you Zoom to the office?

Then make sure that on evenings and weekends there is plenty of hug time. I like FreeDuck's idea of a Clingy Mommie disgusting an Independent Child. Having too much of a good thing can be very educational.

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That could be part of her clinginess -- that her grandpa had a scary surgery and can't drive/ isn't his usual self (at least is not doing his usual things.)

I agree about FreeDuck about indulging it.

Sometimes if she goes overboard I call her a little limpet and we make it a game. ("Ack, there's a limpet on me! I can't get it off!")

But my main advice is to schedule around it best you can and not force things -- probably once she senses that you'll stay as long as you can (and they always sense it), that'll stop it right there.

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I do think this is probably short lived. It could be a combination of several things.

We just came back from vacation just before school so her whole schedule was off.
She just started school again. She has been sad that she does not have any "regular" days at Grandparents any more. She says how much she misses them.
Her best friend at school was one of the children that moved.

We have made one type of change at night which I think helps a bit. When I put her to bed, if she gets in bed on time or a little early, we cuddle in her bed and talk about each other's day. That seems to help alot and she looks forward to this one-on-one time.

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That does sound good. And it does sound like there could be a lot of contributing factors.

Maybe you can both get up a little earlier, have some concentrated time together before you get to school?

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I now get up at 5:45 am so I can be ready before anyone else gets up. I need to wake the girls by 6:30 in order to leave on time (and even that is pushing it). My 6 year old has a hard enough time getting up at 6:30. Quite honestly it won't happen. I agree it is a good thought, but not realistic with this one. Not a morning person.

I honestly just have such a hard time "pushing" her away. But I did get a call from hubby and he left early to pick them up. Think I will go to so I can have more quality time.

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Linkat, Do I recall from your other posts that this is the more sensitive of your two children? One of my girls was very sensitive and had a hard time leaving the comfort of home every day to get on the bus in the morning. Does your daughter complain of stomach aches? Maybe she's got a touch of anxiety about the beginning of the year. We've faced that here every year and my daughter is now a sophomore in HS. Transitions and beginnings have always been difficult, but they work themselves out after a while.

I recall Monday mornings being the hardest. I would tell her I understood her nervousness and ask her to recall the previous Monday's when everything turned out just fine. It's hard for you, it's hard on your daughter. Each week will get a little easier.

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I sympathize with your scheduling problems. It is really hard adhering to such a tight schedule and trying not to appear rushed. Any chance your husband could take the little one to grandparents?

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Linkat--

Any improvement today?

Remember, in an ideal world grandfather's/father's wouldn't have heart problems and Mommies wouldn't have tight schedules and there would always be time....

But there's not. Your daughter is going to have to learn to survive times of crisis with dignity and good will. You are not Blighting a Tender Blossom, you are fostering independence--and consideration of the needs of others. Remember, Mommies are people too.

Hold your dominion.

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Great memory J_B she is about 300 times more sensitive than the little one. You also hit it on the nail - she frequently complains about stomach aches. Often at night, when I tuck her in and sometimes in the morning depending where she is going. However, she has state over and over how much she loves school and her new teacher so at least this helps.

Great idea FreeDuck, but my husband needs to get to work earlier than me and he typically picks them up, which works best for my type of work any way. However, we did talk this morning and he said he plans on helping me out more in the morning to get them and me out. It is tough to get yourself ready, two young children and pack my lunch and my 1st grader's lunch. This should help somewhat.

Thanks, Noddy - a little better today, at least the clinging stuff. She only insisted on a couple of extra hugs and kisses - I did not have to pry her arms off me. She did give me this little sad look as she slowly walked down the hall to the gym - broke my heart.

However, at grandmom's the 1st grader wanted to use grandmom's bathroom throwing off my whole schedule. New rule tomorrow - potty before we leave our house. I try to be tough on her, but knowing how sensitive she is it can sometimes be difficult.

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Sensitive children can be very rewarding--also maddening.

Sensitive and creative children.....hold your dominion.

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I see some problems on here and I wonder why they are problems. Try dealing with a 2 year old that is afraid when you drop him off at daycare you wont come back. There is only one parent who can drop him off. The other parent is 6000 miles away, has been gone for 9 mos and will be gone another 9 mos. that parent has been home for 10 days for the first 9 mos, will be home for 15 days and then be gone again.
Don't over react with the attention. If you do the children will be quicker to stop showing affection and then you will start wondering why they don't give hugs and kisses anymore.
Why can't people let kids be kids?

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Linkat - hope all is going better. Is Grandpa doing well? I would think that to be a BIG subconscinece link. As in, maybe Mommies can have heart problems too?

You brought a tear to my eye with the nighttime cuddles. I climbed into bed with my daughter to talk about our day for ten to twenty minutes most every night until she was at least fifth grade. Then we said prayers, hugs and kisses, exchanged I love you's, I love you mores, I love you infinite's. Then I moved to sons room and did the same. Amazing what you can learn about them and their thinking, and it still fosters conversation at 16, 'cept now she comes and climbs in bed with me when she wants to talk.

I like the idea of overindulgence. If this is still a problem, maybe you could do the same to her when you drop her at Grandma's or a friends house as sort of a being silly thing, but without making fun of her behavior. When she's anxious to run off to play or get to the cookies in Grandma's kitchen, keep her at the door a few minutes before you leave, hugging and kissing and telling her how much you will miss her without a reference to her own drop off behavior. I imagine she would make the connection pretty quickly.

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Thanks squinney. Grandpa is recovering about as well as you can under the circumstances. He has some pain, but he is managing - up and walking. We had them over last weekend for dinner so Grandpa could get out. I think it is tough on him being stuck so close to the house all the time.

You may be right. My daughter is very sensitive and notices such things. The other morning when dropping off the two year old, the 1st grader asked Grammy - where is Grampy? My mom said he was sleeping. With a very concerned tone, she asked, "How is Grampy feeling?" Sometimes 6 year olds take you by surprise - how much they care and how observant they really are.

We did make a compromise that seems to work. If she is helpful in getting ready in the morning so we can get to her school right at 8:00 or a few minutes before, I will walk her to the gym door and we will exchange one hug and kiss. It worked splendidly. I was a bit disappointed that she walked away so easily and with only one kiss and hug.

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Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. One of those "careful what you wish for" things. We get anxious for them to be able to reach the faucet and get their own drink so they don't have to ask all the time, but then when it happens... (tug)

Stop that Clinging!

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