Vasectomy?

Most men are wimps when it comes to somebody touching their frick and frack are with a sharp tool. My wife and I discussed it. After the birth of our last child(3 weeks ago) she had her tubes tied then. When I get back to the real world, it will be my turn. She and I have two beautiful children together. Why should I ask for or want more. Besides, its not like we are getting younger. Most men NOT ALL do not want to take responsibility for birthcontrol.

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I think that both people getting the operation done is the fairest way

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stuh505 wrote:

NoNe,

We are not talking about one person trying to enforce it on another person, we're talking about after both partners have mutually agreed that one of them should get it done.

From your other post, it sounded like you were implying that even though it was less dangerous for the man, you thought that "since he is the man" he should not have it done and that the woman should get it done instead!

This comment sounded very sexist towards women.

It is clear from your most recent reply that you didn't mean this.

I agree, it does seem like she wasn't really understanding why I posted this thread in the first place. I wasn't trying to force him into it, I just told him that I thought that when the time came and we mutually came to the conclusion that we would not want any more kids, that he should have the surgery. And in answer..again...to your question NoNe about "what if"....again...there is such thing as a reverse vasectomy. So if...God forbid, something aweful were to happen, he would be able to get a reversal and procreate again.

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stuh505 wrote:

I think that both people getting the operation done is the fairest way

oh yeah? is it sort of "everybody washes it's own bowl" policy?

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kitkat,
If you find out that your hubby absolutely will not get a vasectomy....
I mean he refuses.

Would you consider getting your 'tubes tied'? Or using BC until after menopause? Or would you deny sex?

Just wondering bc I'm starting to get the sense that this may have more to do with a power struggle between you and hubby. I might be dead wrong!

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It is probably a little bit of a power struggle, and a little bit of maybe the nagging part. I personally would only get my tubes tied if I have to...but put it this way...I will have to destroy my body so that we can enjoy the pleasures of having our own child. I will have to carry it for 9 months and then endure mass amount of pain while giving birth, not to mention any streatch marks I might get in doing so and have to work off any extra fat I gain. If I can go through all of that for him.... he can't take 5 minutes out of his life to do something for me? Something so small that noone would ever be able to see? I went on birth control when we first started dating so that he could have sex with out a condom on cause guys don't like them. Women do so much for men, we put so much strain on our bodies...why can't the man give a little back?

And as for NoNe....I can't tell if you are being sarcastic or if you really are trying to involve yourself in the conversation in a positive way because it seems like you are taking what everyone is saying and twisting it around. If you really don't understand what this whole thread is about then we will be happy to explain it to you because it seems like you are trying to instigate a fight or something.

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kitkat_bar wrote:

And as for NoNe....I can't tell if you are being sarcastic or if you really are trying to involve yourself in the conversation in a positive way because it seems like you are taking what everyone is saying and twisting it around. If you really don't understand what this whole thread is about then we will be happy to explain it to you because it seems like you are trying to instigate a fight or something.

Nah, I am not trying to instigate fight with you or anybody else. I just do not understand WHY WOULD SOMEBODY SAY "IF BOTH GET IT DONE, THEN IT IS FAIR"
A lot of relationships get ruined, because people start asking if it is fair or not, is he eating more food than I do(do not translate it litterally). I think this is the mistake of western marriage institute, and this is the reason why so many people get divorced. I mean, in relationship, there should be sacrifice. yeah, if you are done with giving birth, go and get ur tubes tied, why do u want to bother ur husband?

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NoNe, if you can't keep up with the conversation don't participate. It was a joke.
As absurd as your assumption that someone was trying to hold this man down and cut his balls off.

You want to "bother" your husband because it's a decision both people need to make. What is HE dies and I want to remarry and have another baby? Then what? What's good for the gander is good for the goose.

Personally, I think if a couple decides not to have any more kids, the man should have the procedure done because 1) it's simpler and less likly to have serious complications 2) it's reversable.

The problem with "western marriage" is that people refuse to work on a committment they made. Easier to toss it and start over mentality.

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When a woman gets her tubes tied it is a surgery.
Do you know , that when you have a surgery, your body is slowed down to almost the point of death?
Your heart rate, your breathing, your body temp etc... ?
For a man, all he has to do is close his eyes , grind his teeth and sit still for about 2 days.

The dangers for a woman are higher then for a man.
Why bother your husband? Because it is a simpler procedure. It can be UN done, and it produces the same effect - free sex, no kids-

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NoNe wrote:

I just do not understand WHY WOULD SOMEBODY SAY "IF BOTH GET IT DONE, THEN IT IS FAIR" I think this is the mistake of western marriage institute, and this is the reason why so many people get divorced. I mean, in relationship, there should be sacrifice. yeah, if you are done with giving birth, go and get ur tubes tied, why do u want to bother ur husband?

Bother ur husband? Why exactly would asking him for such a small and reversable sacrifice be such a horrible burden? The woman sacrifices herself every day, first in bearing the children for nine months, then with devoting her life to them while the man is at work. I agree with the point made that what if I get MY tubes tied and HE dies, what do I DO??

Can I ask you something on a more personal level NoNe, that would probably allow me to better understand your point of view? What nationality are you? This isn't a racisit thing or anything of the sort, I just want to know because in different cultures a man and women go through all sorts of different customs. For example, in one of the Asian countires, I am not certain of which one, I hear that the woman is expected to do as her husband commands her and it is custom for the woman/wife to basically be a slave of a sort. I hear that she must have simple things like his slippers or something ready when he gets home. I could be dead wrong. But if I am right and you are used to a different custom, I think it would help me and all of us who have participated in this thread understand where you are coming from.

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Hey kit-kat

First, you haven't even had ANY children yet, and unless I'm mistaken, you want at least one before you feel your family if complete. True?

In that case, this isn't an immediate concern, I wouldn't stress over until after you've had a child....From what I understand, a lot of women say after they've had one they want to have another.

I think first you two need to decide when you want to stop having children, AFTER the first in born, in case you get the whole "I want another baby thing going on"

I think women are more used to talking about things like this, because we've been poked and prodded and scrapped and lain there with our feet in stirrups and not a horse in sight so many times, it's no big deal.

Many men are more squemish about it....

I'd like to see more MEN give their opinion of getting a vas. and why/why not.

Myself, I don't personally buy the "oh what if something happens to me" deal. I can't live my life planning on getting hit by a train tomorrow.

My husband didn't want children, but his ex did....
He's a very smart man in that he realizes if a woman wants a child, ain't nothing no man is gonna say is gonna stop her.

She came to him one day and said that she really felt she wanted to have a child. My wolverine asked her "how far along are you"?
Answer - 2 months.

His daughter is now 22.
Before she was walking, he said to his ex, he said, "You know, I really don't want to have any more children.....I'm getting a vasectomy because, well, I think you want more, and what if something happened to me"?

So, he had one 21 years ago, and believe me, when we first met, the inability to get me pregnant was one of the biggest attractions to me.....

You know, not EVERY man is going to want to have another child if his wife dies. I mean, he's got his own, will likely meet someone who has HER own, you know?

You get a tubal ligation, and what if something happens to HIM? Are you you automatically going to want another baby with a as yet unnamed future spouse.

Anyway, not having anymore children is a joint decesion.

However, if that decesion is made, it would be only fair for the man to at least discuss the experience with other men who have done it.

Since I don't know what your husbands objection is, it might just be that he doesn't want another man to touch his genitals, and may have a really distorted view of what goes on.

BTW, this is not genital mutilation, or "getting his balls tied" or distorting organs. Ladies, let's not be so provincial.

Again, I suppose my main opinion is that you seem to want to have a child or children, and this is putting the cart before the horse. I don't see him making himself so clear that he positively won't ever consider the procedure. It is probably just a knee jerk reaction to having his beloved come up to him and pop the question, from his prospective, out of the blue.

Sigh - Funny, you can talk to some men for weeks about something you're considering, and when you finally get to the point of getting his input, it's suddenly "out of the clear blue sky you bring this up"

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Is it me or have a lot of people on A2K been taking grouchy pills lately?

I can't count the number of times in the last week that someone makes a comment or expresses a personal opinion where someone doesn't come over and taser them.

Sheesh.

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Though this thread was originally about me and the argument with my husband, I think it is no longer about that. It's not really about the fact that I don't have children, its about a big decision between both partners. It is similar to the same decision about having a child and being ready for one. Just because I don't have any doesn't mean I am not allowed to have an opinion. I am not saying my opinion wont change, but I think it goes a little deeper than who should do it and I like to hear what people have to say about it no matter if they have experienced it themselves or not.

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little OT but what the heck
some dude on Dr Phil had it done 3 times before it took, so now he has 3 more kids - sad he was an idiot.

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kitkat_bar wrote:

NoNe wrote:
I just do not understand WHY WOULD SOMEBODY SAY "IF BOTH GET IT DONE, THEN IT IS FAIR" I think this is the mistake of western marriage institute, and this is the reason why so many people get divorced. I mean, in relationship, there should be sacrifice. yeah, if you are done with giving birth, go and get ur tubes tied, why do u want to bother ur husband?

Bother ur husband? Why exactly would asking him for such a small and reversable sacrifice be such a horrible burden? The woman sacrifices herself every day, first in bearing the children for nine months, then with devoting her life to them while the man is at work. I agree with the point made that what if I get MY tubes tied and HE dies, what do I DO??

Can I ask you something on a more personal level NoNe, that would probably allow me to better understand your point of view? What nationality are you? This isn't a racisit thing or anything of the sort, I just want to know because in different cultures a man and women go through all sorts of different customs. For example, in one of the Asian countires, I am not certain of which one, I hear that the woman is expected to do as her husband commands her and it is custom for the woman/wife to basically be a slave of a sort. I hear that she must have simple things like his slippers or something ready when he gets home. I could be dead wrong. But if I am right and you are used to a different custom, I think it would help me and all of us who have participated in this thread understand where you are coming from.

I am not An Americna born citizen, I am an innigrant from Central Asia, raised in Russia. You just all do not understand my point. In country like this, Where most of the families eventually face divorce(I am sorry), u can not ask ur partner, even if you are sure that this is not ur future case, to get his tubes/or balls tied. Kapish?
How many of you have spend their whole lives with one husband? Can u imagined If all ur ex BFs(I bet, there were a few) get vasectomy?
that was my point.

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I think Chai made some good points (including some of us taking grouchy pills) Very Happy

It really is about more than who does it. Kitkat is in a marriage. I've never been married; but when I do I just know I'm gonna face tricky situations like this! How could you not?!

Kitkat, I don't see anything wrong with you having a preference in this matter. You made a lot of valid points from your side, about why you would like for it to be hubby to get the vasectomy. It really does look to me, from my unprofessional and unbiased position (I don't have strong feelings either way) that this is a matter of you and your hubby working out the 'details' of your vision in life together. There might be resistance, there might be some spats, or it might all work out smoothly in the end.

It is a joint decision. It is completely up to kitkat and her hubby how this is worked out. I just hope you both find a mutually agreable choice before the decision is at your feet Razz

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kitkat_bar wrote:

its about a big decision between both partners. It is similar to the same decision about having a child and being ready for one. Just because I don't have any doesn't mean I am not allowed to have an opinion. I am not saying my opinion wont change,

Exactly my dear, you can't say your opinion won't change, so at the same time you can't say that you're husbands opinion won't change.

Time, time, time........important decisions like this are not made over 1 or 2 conversations.....sometimes letting things just lie let's them ripen and mature.
you're not having a baby now, this is not something that needs to be decided by the end of the weekend, let it go, let it go....

You mentioned something about saying this is something of a power struggle.

Think about this....Did you marry this man to love and live with each other in harmony, or to have power struggles?

Is is more important for one of you to be right, right now, or to come to a mutual decision, in time.

Sometimes I joke with my husband, telling him "you are water on a rock"

Think of what happens kittkatt, when water slowly drips on a rock, for a long time.
This is not a battle to be won or lost, and not one to be resolved in a day.

Ask my wolverine. If done correctly, the rock doesn't even know it's being worn away. I've seen him so many times with others, it makes me laugh... the other person will be bound and determined to get his way, but then, they will at one time say, "hey, I've got an idea, why don't we do THIS" and it's what wolverine was after the whole time.

Now THAT's a win/win situation, wolvie gets his way, and the other person is so happy they came up with the idea.

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So if I have something negative to say about being cut and snipped, it will be deleted?
Where did my original post go to?

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Mine went away too so don't get all huffy. Glitch. It happens.

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women take the procedure and their husbands then are still able to have children with other women.
where is the justice?

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