Are teenage love affairs just as brittle as glass?

Igot - if you're happy with commitment - then go for it! You don't have to have more than one relationship in order to be successful in your first. By all means, savor it - but also realize, as mature as you are, it may not be for life.

igotaq, I think you guys have made a great decision to wait until after college to get marriage.

Beyond that, I think the odds are stacked against you, but that doesn't mean it's impossible. I definitely don't think you should, like, pre-emptively break up because it's so likely that you will down the line. The one thing I would say is to be very, very careful with birth control and be sure not to get pregnant/ get your gf pregnant (wasn't sure of pronoun).

Beyond that, just see what happens. Maybe it'll work out, maybe it won't, but as long as you keep your options open, at the very least you'll probably learn a lot.

Prince El, where we differ is that I think that part of how teenagers develop their inner selves is through a variety of relationships. Not just romantic relationships -- friendships, mentorships, etc., etc. I think that someone who has had some romantic relationships as a teenager will be more likely to have a developed self as a 20-something than someone who hasn't had any (ANY) romantic relationships.

igotaq its good if you are serious not good if its the normal use and throw kind of relationship

Prine El, you've had a hard time of it, eh?

Relationships that turn out to not be permanent are not necessarily entered into with that intention -- just, there's nothing wrong with them ending if that's what does happen.

Regrettably we aren't all born knowing how to have a good relationship.

I'd rather be in a relationship with someone who has learned how to be a good partner, through experience, than someone who only knows about the theory of relationships.



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It's one of the times that "you don't have to be a chicken to recognize an egg" just doesn't work.

ehBeth, are you talking about me?! jk.

You're right! Not all of us are born knowing how to contribute to a healthy, mature relationship. Some of us are actually starting out with incorrect, wacky habits and patterns. Our learning curve isnt just the regular "oh , I haven't been here before, what do I do?". It involves unlearning and experiencing some things for the first time with our partner; that many folks take for granted as something they received in childhood.

Ok, so why am I going on and on about this? I had read this thread , watching its progress, and I wanted to say something before but felt finger-tied. It almost felt like "wow, I am so jealous you can even suggest that teenage relationships can work out! What a luxury, that they aren't just total crap".

I'm 26; and I am just now really settling into myself in a real way. My relationships are finally at a point where they are not about sex, unfurfilled needs, expectations, and other gobblety-gook that isn't that important (at least not important enough to form a long-lasting relationship on).
Some people never learn; I've found. It doesn't matter about age. A lot of it has to do with circumstances, life, and personality type. Other than that; it can be about having to get burnt badly enough to know what it's all about.

thanks.

:wink:

Hmmmm… Interesting debate, man. I have been reading everyone's insights these minutes and it was fun.
Soz…. You've kinda convinced me that its really essential to run around a bit in relationship circles so you can acquire the requisite wisdom to hit the right decisions when it comes to choosing your life mate.
Sanctuary and Phoenix's views portray the real truths. El you seem quite preoccupied though.
Anyways, I have something to pop in too.
I live in India. I don't know if you are already familiar with this that 70 % of the marriages are arranged. I.E. The concerned person's parents resolve whom he/she would marry. It goes something like this.
A baby girl is born into a typical Indian Middle class family. She's reared up like any other Indian girl. She's sent to a good Public school and moral principles of truth and honesty are instilled into her psych right from her childhood at both the school and her home. She is told she must work hard in academics (because that’s the only way to succeed in the game of life). By the time the girl makes a foray into her teens, she will have a few crushes down the line (some of her dream boys being the country's cricket stars whom she'll never be able to even see in reality). Our society forbids us to date in teens (or in post – teens) so the girl tells herself that I must not get involved in anyone and focus on my studies. Ultimately, she clears her high school (we call that 10th boards) with a good grade. Her parents enroll her into a Medical Coaching (these are places which prepare you for the medical entrances in India) and she works hard. Perhaps, she may qualify the test and after a hectic five year course passes out as a doctor. Immediately after, postman starts bringing in marriage proposals from all over the country. The parents and the daughter will sit down and analyze all of them and seemingly the best proposal is chosen and things are carried further. The marriage is said to be fixed if both the sides satisfy each other. The couple is married with much pomp and show (road shows that is) and they live happily ever after!

The same is with boys except for that they are enrolled in for an engineering coaching.

I don't say that it happens to everyone. Things are changing and love- marriages are becoming common but still arranged marriage is the preferred way and as I said 70 percent marriages are done that way.

You know if the married pair (arranged pair, I should say) doesn't get along their parents won't let get a divorce. After some negotiations, every thing seems to get right on track. That’s the reason why divorces are so uncommon in my country. And the divorces which are there, they are engendered by mostly love marriages in the country.

Soz, we have practically no dating experience still we Indians are one of the happiest pairs in the world.

I was going to say something about cultural variations -- it definitely makes a difference, sure. I've been operating from the assumption that people are going to have to find their own life partners and so better know what to look for.

The problem I see is that the "happiest pairs in the world" thing is a bit debatable. I am very interested in Indian culture, have a few shelves worth of modern Indian novels (which, I realize, are not exactly anthropological documents but nonetheless do convey some truths) and have a few of those anthropological documents (textbooks) as well. Often those arranged marriages work, though in this context even "work" is a bit debatable because of the cultural assumptions involved. Many Indian women in arranged marriages are required/ expected to be subservient in a way that is just not tenable in modern American culture. (Whether that is a good or a bad thing is its own debate, I guess.)

But these arranged marriages can also be particularly horrible, and particularly difficult-to-impossible for the wife to try to get out of the horrible situation. Some things are gained, some things are lost.

My interest in India stems from my mom's Indian origin. (I am half Aussie)
I have cousins over there and they bear so much resemblance to the girl in your post Dinsa. When I asked if she (her name is lavanya) was seeing someone she said no. " that’s bad habit to make boyfriends" !!!! and yes she's into some kind of PMT ( pre medical test or whatever) coaching.

Cool..Yeah, that’s the truth soz. Sometimes, the Indian woman does come across conjugal imbroglios in life when she feels completely sucked in the relationship. I have been a witness to so many nightmarish tales like that. And you know what… they have all been love – marriage cases. Whew….Call it Irony, would you? Err..Wait, you said you read modern Indian fiction.
There, you must have some idea though that bunch won't reveal much of True India.