Help Please im Desperate

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Hello All
Well i ahve a problem and i would like some advice.i have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for the last 8 years. We have had ups and downs but it has mostly been good. However he has some issues i think with anger he is not violent towards me but he is agressive with other things like hitting walls etc when he gets really mad. The oher problem is that he is a stupid driver. He has had his license suspened a few years ago and then recently he was involved in a court action again over his driving however he won. Now this week hoe has lost his license again. I just dont know what to do anymore i really love him but i just dont know if it is time for us to have a break. Im really confused any ideas

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Sorry, bjj, we all seem to be preoccupied with the devestation happening in New Orleans. Maybe you'll get some response after a few days.

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bjj--

Would it be fair to say that you are tired of his tantrums and irresponsibility?

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Or maybe not.

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thats exactly right i am tired of it but im not sure if i should stay and try and help him work his issues out or if i have done enough of this already and it is time to move on

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You've been together for eight years. Are you thinking about marriage? Children?

What does he think?

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yeah we are thnking about marriage we are only young though early twenties i have been with him all through my school years

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I think it's time to move on. Whether or not you had a great realtionship, you've both grown (or you have and he hasn't). I think that this is a sign that it is time for you to move on.

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Do you think so even though the relationship has been good do you think it is time to give up

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bjj wrote:

Do you think so even though the relationship has been good do you think it is time to give up

To me it sounds as if you have given up. You know deep inside that this isn't what you want and even if you love someone, sometimes the best decision for both of you is to seperate. Perhaps, down the road you will meet up again and get married. But more likely, you will break up and meet someone else. Someone who doesn't fill you with doubts. Love and realtionships are complicated enough without having to worry about all this other stuff.

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i have in some ways given and up and in others i have not i think this is why i am so confused

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Quote:

Do you think so even though the relationship has been good do you think it is time to give up?

If you felt that your BF was absolutely wonderful and you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him, you wouldn't be asking this question.

He hasn't ever hit you. Great. What has he done for you. Does he spend as much time thinking about your needs and desires as you do about his needs and desires?

What do you do on weekends? His choice or yours?

Do you feel something is missing in your life?

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i do really love him however i am just sick of they actions described above. We do susally do what i want on weekends.It is just hard to keep going when you really dont like these behaviours

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bjj--

So you can't love all of him--just the part of him that isn't involved in time-wasting destructive behavior?

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that exactly right i probally dont love all of him but does this mean that we should leave someone

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bjj--

Are his actions interfering with your life, your plans, your future?

Were you put on this earth to be a complete woman?

Does being a complete woman mean taking up where your BF's mother left off?

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yes you are right his behviour is affecting my plans and life and future. He is now however talking about counselling for issues of anger If he does go and get such counselling do you think i shoudl wait at least until he has had the councselling

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Does he know how close you are to walking out because you are fed up with his behavior?

After eight years you are entitled to some immediate action.

"Talking about" is pie in the sky. Pie in the sky has no calories and no nutritional value. An appointment--set and certain--would be a reason to delay--or rethink--your departure.

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no im am going there his fater noon to discuss it i just wasnt sure if i was doing the right thing about walking out over ths issue

I guess you are right too their needs to be an appointment in place. But should i explain that too him

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bjj--

Of course you should make it clear that as far as you're concerned that counseling about anger management and speeding are make-and-break issues as far as your relationship is concerned.

You think he can read your mind?

Practice saying: "I love you, but the way you carry on has been wearing me down and I can't take the emotional battering any more.

"We can't grow old together until you grow up!" (Actually, that isn't a tactful thing to say unless he really gives you a hard time about changing his colorful ways of coping.)

Good luck.

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Help Please im Desperate

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