speaking to people about their behavior when they're drunk

mchalel- What exactly is your concern here? Is it that you cousin might have put herself at risk by behaving the way that she did? Or were you angry that she flirted with your old boyfriend?

If it were me, I would sit her down, and tell her that you are concerned about her safety. I would say that she is setting herself up in a possible dangerous situation, and that you are concerned that she might get hurt.

Don't be judgmental, and simply state your concerns.

I'd have a sympathetic talk with her. If you're talking about confronting her while she's drunk -- probably not a good idea. When she's that drunk, the best thing you can do for her is get her home and out of the public eye.

When you do talk to her, mention your own experience and tell her how self-destructive it was for you. How guys actually think that's pretty disgusting and never remember you in the morning. Then rent the movie Hysterical Blindness and eat ice cream together.

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well this was actually done to me...i had two cousins gang up on me over e-mail and they basically told me they'd had it with my drunk behavior. I would say over a span of a year and a half i had 4 occasions where i got really drunk...they really wanted me to remember them. They were not nice or sympathetic about it in any way. One of them told me i was acting like i had no self respect and then told my MOM that i had left the bar with guys a few times-that did happen twice, but i didnt have sex, basically just slept next to them/made out-i knew them too. The thing that gets me is that my cousin has done the same thing with guys!!! One time i had to go to some guys place with her because she insisted on going home with him. She said the last straw for her was when i flirted with some guy she had dated for about a month-i flirted with him while drunk about 8 months after she dated him. I was embaressed and dont even REMEMBER doing it. I have since gotten control of my behavior (the last incident happened in februrary) but am still so angry. I really thought they were my friends, but they told me off big time and it was like they wanted nothing to with me-esp the older one. She was like, i hope you and my sister can work things out, i have ended friendships with people for far less than what i've seen from you. It was really shocking and hurtful the way that they said things to me. They first ignored me for about a month and half and finally i asked and these were my responses. My mom was really upset about how they acted, she cried, then finally told their mother (her sister in law and best friend) of the incident and their mother was upset about how thigns were handled as well. It was just mean. My mom and i both agreed that my behavior was innapropriate but that they really seemed to fly off the deep end about it and were being hypocritical (esp the younger one since she'd done the same type of thing) I could go on and on but i cant explain to you how hurtful adn angry this has made me feel. We all tried to talk about it over dinner once (without the older one) and the younger cousin told me i acted like i had no self respect, went on to tell me details of things i had done and then told me of another person who was talking about me badly. I ended up just jumping up from the table and leaving. Since then her and i went out to eat once-it was very awkward. She proceeded to tell me about some married guy she's dating and it kind of made me feel liek she didnt give a sh*t about me and was just working on some new relationship...it's really sad, but i cant get over this anger

My mom and dad have told me that i need to move on adn fix things for the sake of the family. One cousin apologized over e-mail so they say i need to suck it up and just move on and not continue to stew over this. They really just make me so mad though...i'm supposed to write back to my cousin today about going out to dinner-i dont want to go.

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Get her really drunk, then scrawl on her stomach with a permanent marker.

Oh, ok, this is something different from what I thought when I read your first post.

They are family, so you can't get rid of them. However, you don't have to be their friends. I don't know how old you all are, but it sounds like maybe early 20's so a lot of these problems are going to just be old news in a few years. We are all obnoxious and use bad judgment at that age. Don't do anything that would keep you from being their friends when you are all older, married (or not) and want your kids to know their family. In the mean time, if you are not that close with them anymore, just be cordial when you see them and don't go out with them.

This is much more about guys than it is about anything else. Just let it go.

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Yeah i kind of had the feeling that it had to do with the guy. I really felt bad about that, i apologized, but i guess i thought that since they were never serious and were seeing each other a short time that it wasnt a huge deal-apparently it was. I could see if i was dating him behind her back, her being angry, but for her to get so MAD about something i did when i could barely remember my name seemed stupid. I dont want to hate them, i dont want to feel angry... i want to let go, but it's so hard. I feel like they acted like they were so much better than me. I guess when it comes down to it, i dont want to be friends. I will be acquaintances when i see them at parties, etc, but i just dont think i can have it be how it used to be. My mom is making me feel guilty about this though

Also the older cousin is known for having a track record of ending friendships. I still dont get what she was so angry about...i think she just enjoys telling people off

Probably right about the older cousin. It's probably just pure habit for her right now, meaning, she doesn't actually know any other way to handle conflict. Yet. Not your fault, just something to be aware of. She might have to come up with another strategy, though, since you are family.

Make up with the younger as best you can, be cordial to the other, take a deep breath, and keep on with your life.

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I just feel like i was forced to feel more shame about my behavior than necessary. I felt bad enough about it, i'm not trying to use the break up as an excuse, but i know that contributed. i just got a little crazy...but it really backfired adn now i feel like my whole family knows about my behvior. I mean my mom and their mom did NOT need to know details of it. When she said somethign to my mom about me going home with guys, my mom said, well from what i've heard you did the same thing. she was like, i did it once. that wasnt true though, i can think of 3 times she did and she could have done it more when i wasnt around. URGH. i just want to slap her. I just feel like they are so fake and judgemental. I really want nothign to do with them

Ok. So you behave like an idgit a couple of times. Who hasn't? You are right that they are being overly judgmental. It might make you feel better to return that judgment but it probably won't solve anything.

Try this. Replay in your mind every awful and embarrassing thing you did on the nights in question. Feel the shame of it. Accept it. Then, realize that that's not who you are anymore and forgive yourself. Now, you own it and nobody can make you feel ashamed of it. You've moved on and if they want to lull about in the past, that's their problem. The best revenge for them is for you to forgive (yourself first, then them), forget it, and be happy.

Your mom is your mom. She understands that being an ass sometimes is just part of growing. And she can probably tell already that you've learned from your mistakes.

You can love someone but not like them. I love my cousin and would be very upset should something happen to her but I do not like her one bit. They are your family but you don't have to be friends.

What movie was that from? The one with Stockard Channing.
that was the best part.

In Garden State (I think!), the guy woke up with permanant marker on his head, managed to get it off and then went straight to a doctors apointment where he had to get undressed and he had dirty stuff written all over his body. It was hilarious.

No, no....this was a serious movie.

Stockard Channing was a high power business woman, and on a business trip where she thought she was getting fired but instead got a big promotion.

Thinking she was getting fired, she had a head hunter on the case for her. Real sleaze ball, typical salesman.

Anyway......Channing had this young woman with her, who was supposed to be her assistant for the trip.

They got a little loose down at the bar, having drinks, talking, when the young woman spots the headhunter at the bar, having a drink.

She tells Channing that the man who raped her best friend in college and got away with it (it turns out it was her, not a friend)

So, they cozy up to the sleaze ball, drinking and getting real cozy :wink: if you know what I mean.

They lure him into a part of the fancy hotel under construction, under the pretense of playing hide the salami. Instead they drug him and he passes out.

At first they were just gonna leave him there for embarrassment sake, but instead, the young woman gets out a black permanent marker, and writes rapist, sodomizer, and other stuff on his naked body.

Then, I think it ended up he never raped anyone, she didn't even know him, she was just a pycho babe.








Then Stockard Channing had to have a sit down with the girl and talk to her about she thought she had a bad drinking problem and everything and didn't want to be her friend anymore.

(well, I had to tie it in Someway)

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ok it woudl have been nice to have gotten some feedback on my situation, i feel that it's somewhat serious since it's been keeping me up at night

I simply dont want to feel angry anymore, but at this point in time, i dont want to be great friends.

Re: re


You got feedback. Take it or leave it. Sheesh.

Yes, this post has been taken over by those of us who wish to express random thoughts.......

like.......

What do you think the workmen thought when they found that naked guy with permanent marker on him that said Sodomizer?

I'll bet at least one of them was looking forward to his coffee break.

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'Yes, this post has been taken over by those of us who wish to express random thoughts.......'

you're freakin rude dude

Re: re


And you are extremely childish. It was a joke.