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Thu 25 Aug, 2005 09:03 am
I am having a discussion with my friend regarding married people "crashing" at a friends house. We disagree and I just want to get others perspective on the situation.
Here is the scenario:
Husband and friends are having an all day/most of the night boys day-night out. Husband is normally a homebody so this is pretty exciting for him. Friends are a little wild so wife is a little uncomfortable with situation but doesn't freak out because it means so much to husband but secretly is having an extremely hard time with the 18 hour boy fest. Husband has to work the next day. Husband casually says he might be crashing at Joe's house that night because they will be drinking and driving home wouldn't be smart. They are staying in town so this is not a trip situation.
Now the question is:
Should husband -
a) Be smart and be an adult. Don't drink so much that he can't drive home. Staying at a friends house isn't ok for a married man unless the drive home is long and arrangements have previously been made (trip).
b) Drink what he wants to and then decide if he can drive. Staying at a friends house is ok for a married man no matter what the situation. Better safe than dead.
c) What?
Just curious on what the married and single take is on married people randomly crashing at someones house after a night of partying.
If it's crashing at the house of a male friend, no problem at all.
Crashing at the house of a married couple, no problem.
Crashing at the house of a female friend, not so much. Still possible depending on circumstances though.
But from what you describe, can't imagine having a problem with it.
His safety is #1. Let him crash.
i agree.
the thought of drinking and driving should keep anyone stationary.
a male friends house shouldnt be a problem either.
But it's not a random crashing situation. From what you described above the husband rarely does something like this loooong day/night with the boys and this is more like a once-in-a-blue-moon situation. If the wife trusts her husband completely and he asks her if it's okay to stay out all night/sleep over in his friends place (and this is the smart thing to do rather than drink & drive), I don't see a problem with it. I would, however, wonder about it if he did this all the time and/or at random occasions or without telling her about it in advance.
I think it's a little unfair for wife to expect husband not to drink and enjoy himself during this 18-hour boy-fest. Of course he will be over the legal limit for driving. Perhaps if the wife thought of him as going away with the boys for the weekend - well this is a mini-weekend. This is assuming that the guys don't expect to repeat this boy-fest once a month and continue the tradition. Once is fine. More than that would have to be discussed a bit more with the wifey.
Thanks guys!
My friend and I never agree on anything.
A combination of B and C.
Mainly Id say dont get drunk on a school night then he can drink as much as he wants.
Safety is a priority so he really shouldnt drink and drive whether 1 drink or 50.
There are twangs of underlying untrustworthyness, like the husband cant go out and stay at a friends house coz he may play away from home.Is this the case?
I think its fine to stay at someones house as long as you phone your significant other to say where you are.
Heeven wrote: But it's not a random crashing situation. From what you described above the husband rarely does something like this loooong day/night with the boys and this is more like a once-in-a-blue-moon situation.
Once a year, maybe. Usually a huge home body.
Heeven wrote:
If the wife trusts her husband completely and he asks her if it's okay to stay out all night/sleep over in his friends place (and this is the smart thing to do rather than drink & drive), I don't see a problem with it. I would, however, wonder about it if he did this all the time and/or at random occasions or without telling her about it in advance.
Always lets wife know where he is. Very rarely unable to reach on his cell phone.
Heeven wrote:
I think it's a little unfair for wife to expect husband not to drink and enjoy himself during this 18-hour boy-fest. Of course he will be over the legal limit for driving. Perhaps if the wife thought of him as going away with the boys for the weekend - well this is a mini-weekend. This is assuming that the guys don't expect to repeat this boy-fest once a month and continue the tradition. Once is fine. More than that would have to be discussed a bit more with the wifey.
Again, this is a pretty rare occasion. They go out more than once a year but something of this magnitude (this was actually a 2 day affair but the husband came home last night) happens so infrequently.
material girl wrote:
There are twangs of underlying untrustworthyness, like the husband cant go out and stay at a friends house coz he may play away from home.Is this the case?
.
I think (I don't know) that it becomes a trust issue only with this group of friends.
Friend #1 - Cheats like a single man on his wife.
Friend #2 - Immature but faithful to SO; possible bad behavior risk
Friend #3- Stoner- I don't think he knows what's going on.
Friend #4- Single; don't think he'd encourage bad behavior but don't know if he'd stop it.
Friend #5 - Don't know this guy so I can't say.
Wife - Slightly unstable; a little clingy.
Hmm, I see what you mean but you said the guy is a usual stay at home kind of guy.If he had extra marital activities on his mind he would have doen something about it before a night out with the lads,plus when a guys drunk, aint nothin' gonna happen, ya know wad-I meeean.
This guy is so into his wife...I don't know why she doesn't see that. I can't say I think he'd never cheat on her (because you just never know!)but I'd really be stretching to say I think he would.
I go with B - especially since this is a rare occurrence. He probably wants to let loose and doesn't want to worry if he does drink too much. I know some married men who have done this and didn't mention it before hand. One such man did not even call his wife.
well, mr. d has done it in the past...he went to bars (i am a pretty big homebody, he is a partier) then because he wasn't driving someone else was and they didn't want to drop him off because it was about 30 min out of their way at 4am, he crashed on their couch. he called me at 4am (thanks) to tell me that he was just getting to their house and was gonna crash until am and soberness.
i didn't care, i knew he was safe, not drinking and driving, and at the home of a married couple we know and socialize with.
he usually calls and says come pick me up but i am guessing he knew at 4am i would say take a freaking cab- but the 30 min cab fare might have been a little hefty when he had a perfectly good ride and couch waiting. he does it about 1 every 6 months. like i said usually calls and says, i need a ride (except last night, the idiot walked like 5miles home because i couldn't hear him on the phone-freaking idiot wouldn't walk outside the club so i could hear him well.)
if the trust is there, i dont find any issue with it, unless he is staying at a single chicas house that she doesn't know very well, then you have issues. its a bunch of his friends, they are gonna be drinking...he could theoretically call her at 3am and slur baby, come plick me lup, but if she values her sleep anything like i do, just sleep on the couch and bring yourself home once your sober.
mabye i am too trusting???
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