is my wife cheating or am i just paranoid?

Apex, will you be giving your wife a second chance or are you guys done?

We've been talking a lot and decided to make this work. It's been very difficult for me. I think about what happened non stop. She seems to be genuinely sorry. I believe she loves me. I don't know if I'll ever heal from this. At this point it doesn't seem likely but it has only been 2 weeks. My logic tells me this will probably happen again given her history. I feel like a fool for trying to make this work, but I love her.

why do people do what they do? i found out that she emailed one of the guys and called another from a payphone this morning.

enough already.

Some people are so intoxicated by the excitement of a new infatuation or the idea of being found out that they are literally addicted to it. No excuses of course, because we are able to make choices but that's why a lot of people do it. For the thrill.

She'll never stop, no matter how much she'll promise, or no matter how much you'd like it to work, she won't stop. Good luck with whatever happens.

Yes trying 1 last time.
Yes Nick my wife and I are trying now to work this out. We have a great counselor and I have read many books and did much research. If your wife is willing to work this out then she should be willing to sacrifice something to show you that she is serious. For instance my wife is changing jobs because both of the guys she cheated on me with work there. I know it is hard. My wife and I had a bad fight last night and I really wanted to leave her. I think that if I give up on the marriage then I'm just as bad as she was in giving up on the marriage. I have decided to be true to my values and try 1 last time. I hope the best for you. Hang in there and be strong. In the long run if it doesn't work out at least you can say you tried and your wife didn't.

A few more things.
We live in VA and the laws hear favor women. Even if I had 3rd party proof that my wife was cheating on me the only thing that would do is allow me to get out of paying her spousal support. She would still get custody of my daughter, get half of everything we own and I would have to pay child support. To me that gives me incentive to want to try and work it out. My daughter is the most important thing in my life. I know it isn't right to stay together just for the child. That is not my sole reason. Like you I do love my wife and I realize she has problems (as well as I do) the she needs help with. I'm confident that with my help and our counselor she can solve these problems and I can have my marriage and family remain intact. Nick do your research on the laws in your state. Consult a lawyer. If you have kids think about them. No marriage is the same and I can only give you tips, but I am truly sorry she is putting you through this. Knowing that I wasn't the only person going through an affair was great for me to hear. You are not alone in this and I wish you the best.

nick-at-nite, get the hell out of that marriage.

..agree with Gus...

Im sorry guys but once they cheat and get caught then get forgiven after making promises, a year down the track they will do it again....oh and believe me they WILL do it again...why? because they are bored and hey why not! you will probably be a mug and forgive her yet again....and again you will sit and moan at how hurt you are...and I dont give a hoot at what excuse she tells you, it will just be a load of bullsh*t at the end of the day.

So my advice...leave now before you get sucked back into it all again...
yes you may love your wife but whats more important here...you or your wifes happiness????...and damn I bet shes happy! :wink:

Look at it this way she obviously has no 'respect' for you or your marriage...if she did she would not be out shagging other guys would she!

i am a glutten for punishment. i understand what i need to do but it is so difficult making it happen. i found out AGAIN tonight about a lie. i had to drag it out of her with evidence. i believe she wants to change her ways. whether or not she can i have serious doubts.

ironically the sex has been better than ever. strange how things work.

nick-at-nite--

Sex is good when passion is high--maybe the passion is love, maybe resentment, maybe fear, maybe the thrill of competition with her other lovers.

Figure out whether the time you spend in bed is worth the time you spend in disillusioned bewilderment.

the sex is better because shes making an effort....only cause she knows she is not in the good books....give it a few more weeks and it will be back to normal...and you believe she wants to change her ways???
.....oh dear you are a 'sucker' arent you!...nup get rid of her mate, Im sure you deserve better, lifes short enough as it is without living with someone who doesnt give a rats ass about you... :wink:

Ask her. Im sure she's gonna admit to cheating. Some women can be very cunning. Depending on their skill level, you will never find out anything that they dont want you to know. Opening up and have a normal conversation about the issue is worth a try. I cant imagine that you would know anything without asking her bluntly or subtly interrogate her. Too many women and too few men possess such interrogation skills. My wife interrogates me all the time, and its days before I realise.

I hope that I was more help than just blowing off steam

as a girl
as a girl all i can tell you is that we are very complex cretures...sometimes I wil go weeks without makeup and then others i try to look a little sexier for no reason.....my vote is that is that you take her out to dinner and talk to her......in my experience guys rarely bring up there dfeelings...so it may shock her....has she been disstant?
When you talk to her jsut be sure that she is well aware that you are not accusing her of anything you are just curious of the sudden change in appearance....maybe she wanted to see if you would get jelous....we are evil creatures

nick, talk to her. If you can manage to drag her to marriage counselling do so. You're in a very tough situation, one that I found myself in not too terribly long ago.

It's not the end of the world, though it DOES need to be worked through. That is, if you wish to do so.