Should I agree to meet my boyfriends ex wife without my boyfriend present as she is requesting?

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My bf has been divorced 4 years from his ex wife of 34 years. From what’s he’s told me she’s been unhappy for a long time and she asked for the divorce but now she regrets it. He didn’t want to divorce and all of their friends are married after many years.

she sounds like a bit if a loose screw but their son is getting married in a few months so my bf asked his ex if she would like to meet me before the wedding to avoid it being as uncomfortable as it may be. I’ve been waiting a long time to meet her.

out of the blue I got a message today from my office email that she’d like to meet me. When I mentioned this to my boyfriend today, he said yes, he received a message from her late last night where she indicated she was likely reach out to me, but he didn’t have time to give me a heads up. In any event, he said he spoke to her and she does not want to meet me with my boyfriend, but rather meet me without my boyfriend I generally don’t have a problem with this, but it does make me a little suspicious that she wants to share something about my boyfriend that wouldn’t necessarily be comfortable for me to hear again he has told me that she has told their friends that she regrets getting the divorce.

my I asked my boyfriend with her to respond her email and he said actually she’s giving up that business email because she’s giving up her position shortly so then I said to him why don’t you text her and see if she’s comfortable with sharing her phone number with me so that I could text her instead that was earlier today and I’ve heard nothing further I explain to him I’d like to respond to her either way reasonable period of time

I also know that she has never dated since the divorce and she feels very lonely. At least that’s what I’ve been told , I assume I should go ahead and meet her alone but should I what should I expect?

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[+3] - bobsal u1553115 - 06/14/2023There is no good thing to come out of this meeting. I wouldn't do it.

No, period!

1 Reply

@BillW,

Oh, Bill....I have to agree. Something about this is creepy.

1 Reply

@glitterbag,

Why do you think she wants to meet me and why hasn’t my boyfriend let me know if he asked her about giving me her number as I requested so I can timely reply so I’m considerate?

1 Reply

@Awkwardmoment,

If I were him and you met her without me, the relationship would come to an abrupt end, period.

And, this is just one of at least five outcomes, none of them positive for the relationship. If there is to be a meet up, he must introduce you - afterwards, you cannot become "besties".

2 Replies

@BillW,

Why would the relationship end? If I don’t meet her now I’ll be meeting her at the rehearsal dinner at the wedding. Is that better or do you think she needs to tell me something ?
My boyfriend said that his ex told him she didn’t want him at the meeting because it’d make her more uncomfortable but if I wanted I could meet her alone for coffee

2 Replies

@Awkwardmoment,

Sounds like you have made up your mind.

0 Replies

@BillW,

Sometimes all you can do is your best, concerned noted, everyone else....help yourself.

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@Awkwardmoment,

Why not ask her if there’s something she needs to tell you? Make it simple. You really don’t need and shouldn’t want to encourage a new ‘friend’. Your future hubby should tell you whatever has to be told to you…if there is something, that is.

Bottom line is that You trust him! Why meet with her? (If she is lonely then she should deal with that with a therapist.) What would be useful for you in doing that?

I would go on about your business with settling down with him. She
can’t help you with that.In fact, if she doesn’t want him around when you two might talk, then she most likely has some mischief in mind.

1 Reply

@Ragman,

Again it’s my understanding she wants to meet so we don’t need to do so for the first time at her sons wedding.

1 Reply

@Awkwardmoment,

Sure, go ahead and meet.

Expect an earful of all the bad habits your bf had, how he disappointed her and her version of the fall of their marriage.

Take it with a grain of salt. She really is just trying to be "helpful." It is kinda eye-opening the difference of when he was with her and how your relationship with him could be slightly the same or vastly improved.

What helped me meeting his ex was a Herman's Head moment where the Stones "Sympathy For The Devil" popped into my mind and I laughed out loud. After that I just wasn't phased by anything she said. There were some extremely probing questions she threw at me but I declined to answer anything I felt she didn't need to know. I stuck to the basics and that was it.

Be cordial and respectful, thank her for her time. You'll only have to interact with her a few times throughout the years so chalk it up to a grin-and-bear-it experience.

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@Awkwardmoment,

Awkwardmoment wrote:

I assume I should go ahead and meet her alone but should I what should I expect?

How in the heck will random strangers (sans psychic powers) predict these future events? I don't know.... Wear body armor? Live stream the meeting to Twitter/Facebook Live/Twitch and record any evidence if she ends up trying to murder you?

Maybe you'll bond together and become close friends? Not an impossible idea. Very likely has happened before over the many millennia of human relationships. Maybe she has some disturbing dirt on your fiance/her exhusband? Maybe you'll share a winning lottery ticket and win $MMs? Maybe nothing will happen.

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There is no good thing to come out of this meeting. I wouldn't do it.

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@Awkwardmoment,

She was married to him for 34 years. She hasn’t made a new relationship and hasn’t many friends. She won’t ‘go quietly into that good night’. If you have trust in you fiancé then there’s nothing to prove or to be gained. She wants to thos dirt.

1 Reply

@Ragman,

Typo: throw dirt

0 Replies

I am now wondering why you want to meet her without his being present, or even at all. The wedding of the son does not qualify, in my mind. A polite introduction and exchanged hellos is sufficient. Both of you will quickly get over any possibilities of a brief "uncomfortably". Your relationship stands a great chance of not surviving a one on one meeting.

1 Reply

@BillW,

That's not exactly true at all. I welcomed the chance to meet his ex. And now I fully understand why they divorced!

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Should I agree to meet my boyfriends ex wife without my boyfriend present as she is requesting?

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