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Future husband wants to take 7yr old daughter on every holiday including honeymoon

 
 
Reply Wed 10 May, 2023 01:48 am
When he told me he wanted to bring his 7 year old on our honeymoon, I told him I wanted us to spend it with just the 2 of us. He seemed to get huffy about this as if I didn't want to spent time with her which is the furthest thing from the truth. We are actually very close and in many ways, I spend more time with her than I do with him when she is around.

We have only been away together once before and that was with his 7year old for 2 weeks. It was a nightmare. We stayed in his caravan in the middle of nowhere with no access to facilities and he was very mean with all the food that we ate. It was not my idea of a holiday at all. It highlighted to me that he has the tendency to be controlling and I didn't like that at all.

He told me that when she was born she came with him and his ex on their honeymoon. I couldn't believe he was making that connection as she was a baby and it was a connection they both shared to have a baby together. I don't mind if we all go on a proper holiday somewhere, but I'm not getting stuck on a mountain with someone who limits the amount of food I eat.
I want to help with the planning so I don't get stuck in that situation again.

After telling him that I wanted to spend a romantic getaway with just the 2 of us, within the next week at the dinner table he asked his daughter if she wanted to go on an expensive trip to the snow. She was of course very excited and said yes, and then he looked at me and said, "You can come if you want to."

I couldn't believe that he had not even discussed it with me. I felt hurt that the first I heard of it was at the dinner table. That night I told him they could go without me and he seemed hurt that I wasn't going to go. Is it wrong that I don't want to experience a repeat of the holiday we had before? He told me he was thinking of camping out in the snow! No way. My idea of a holiday is not roughing it in -0 temperatures.

What am I missing here? Does he just not want to spend 1 on 1 time with me? We are both working professional people and can afford a tools down getaway by a pool somewhere. Why doesn't he want to do that with me? I've asked him multiple times why we don't do that and he keeps telling me he is too busy, but he is not busy enough to go on holiday elsewhere with his daughter? He works for himself and can take on as much or as little work as he wants. I feel duped and so disappointed.

Any advise on how to approach this situation would be greatly appreciated.
 
Mame
 
  4  
Reply Wed 10 May, 2023 06:01 am
@JazzyCat,
You say you don't want to be with a man who is mean with food and is controlling. So my question to you is Why are you still with him? It's clear he doesn't respect you as he should.

I'd drop him like a hot potato and move on. Cancel your wedding, end your relationship. It will never change.
bobsal u1553115
 
  3  
Reply Wed 10 May, 2023 07:25 am
@Mame,
Without even considering the 7 year old third wheel, that's the right advice to this potential nightmare scenario!


"It will never change." That should be the last word on it.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  5  
Reply Wed 10 May, 2023 07:52 am
@JazzyCat,
You're not the #1 woman in his life. His daughter is.

Your wishes are not paramount in his life. His daughter's are.

Your comfort is not important to him. Your preferences mean nothing to him. Your requests fall on deaf ears. His daughter's, though, are front and center.

Don't marry someone thinking you will change them. And don't go through with a wedding because canceling one is expensive. Divorce is a lot more expensive.

Run, don't walk, away from this trainwreck.
0 Replies
 
izzythepush
 
  2  
Reply Wed 10 May, 2023 10:30 am
@Mame,
Yup.
0 Replies
 
Ragman
 
  3  
Reply Wed 10 May, 2023 02:31 pm
Is this the same guy and relationship you wrote about last year ? Or is this another relationship with the same dynamics? Something seems quite similar and horribly dysfunctional.

Sorry to point this out to other readers, check this member’s posting history for a background story. This same person recently wrote about her fiancé having bought an expensive ring for his former partner and was quite upset about the situation.
tsarstepan
 
  3  
Reply Thu 11 May, 2023 08:48 am
@Ragman,
Let's not forget her hot conspiracy takes.
JazzyCat wrote:

Oh dear.. I'm afraid globalists are running concurrent psychological operations at the moment. Aaaand they are pushing for famine and war. For those who are still thinking in terms of left and right paradigms or thinking that nations can still act with sovereignty, this may be hard to accept. At this stage, if you are unaware that all media groups (including social media) are owned by a select few and are highly controlled with paid off bad actors and controlled opposition, then.. nevermind.. and carry on. Just remember what Shakespeare said, "All the world is a stage." I recommend looking at world events with a discerning eye and try not to react with emotion to news, but respond with an open mind and reflection of past and present events. Watch the video and ask questions.

Whatever she claims and says should be taken with a grain of salt.
0 Replies
 
PoliteMight
 
  -4  
Reply Thu 1 Jun, 2023 11:21 am
@JazzyCat,
He is a protective father and you will never be number one compared to his seed. Welcome to the world of dating when your actually with somebody who respects the hierarchy and chain of command.

You are literally just some random woman he gets to be near 24/7 a day. Not this thing to be dominated or mountain range to climb. He climb the mountain before already and now he is with you.. AKA the valley.....

Think of it like Bill Gates v. Steve Jobs as father.
Bill Gates promoted a Hippy-dippy world and his daughter is a Medical doctor.
Steve Jobs promoted a conformist workaholic world and his daughter wrote a memoir about her being called a "mistake on his perfect record".
Both there wives are on their knees, pumping and huffing, "Diamonds are forever" philanthropists ( AKA people who donate to charities as tax write offs and or have charities where only 10% of the funds actually legally has to go to the charities ).

Your never ( nore any girl after you ) will be number one in his life. Your just going to be this thing he goes to let of steam/stress, and could talk and walk with. His daughter ( kid etc ) is seven what do you want from him?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MBdYeHoGu9c
0 Replies
 
 

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