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Wed 22 Feb, 2023 11:13 am
How do I turn someone down before they ask me?
Thank you for taking the time to read this, in advance!
Here is a rundown of the whole situation:
- I'm in university.
- After 1 year of being acquaintances, me and this man became friends.
- We have one class in common.
- He invited me to come sit next to him. Coincidentally, I was going to ask him that same day if I could sit next to him anyways, because the people behind my usual spot are unpleasant, and since we had just become a bit closer friends, and we get along well, I thought it might be a good idea.
- He starts texting me way more frequently (every 3 months, about work, became every day about personal stuff)
- That sounds like friendship. Why do I think he's trying to be something more? He waits for me to get in my uber before biking home (no man has ever done that for me unless they've wanted something more) and flirts very frequently, though polite.
- I have a lot of reasons to believe he's going to try to ask me on a date. I think he's great. Though my sexual orientation doesn't include him, if I could phrase it that way. And I already have a partner (almost 3 years, committed for the long-term) I can't tell him about my sexuality for fear that it would change the dynamic of our friendship*
*Sidenote, not necessary to read: I understand the concept of "if he wouldn't be ok with your sexuality, is he even that good of a friend?" but that's just not how my country works yet. It's not generally progressive enough for me to factor that into how good a friend someone is. Moral of the story, I'm picky with friends but I really would like this guy to stick around.
I don't want to lose his friendship. He's easily one of my favourite people.
The only reason I ask this is because I'm so used to guys only being nice to me because they're interested in a relationship, and I'm scared he's one of them. I don't think he is, but you never know. I've had some great guys react that way. I just want to stay friends with him so bad. It could be so good.
Thank you! Have a wonderful day
@allbecauseofthisman,
Can you tell him you're in a relationship without mentioning a name or a gender? Even if it's casually mentioning it, something like....
"Last weekend we had the best time going to ----."
If he asks who you mean b "we", you can just say it's someone very special to you. If he presses for details, he's just plain not entitled to them. You can get out of providing details by just saying you're not comfortable sharing that information.
@Mrknowspeople,
Oh look, someone's discovered the quote button!
What will they discover today?
@allbecauseofthisman,
Question to prevent proposal of dating or making a pass or aligning the right person up from the past to be used instead of...
Dyslexics wrote:
Thank you for taking the time to read this, in advance!
Here is a rundown of the whole situation:
- I'm in university.
Good job.
Quote:
- After 1 year of being acquaintances, me and this man became friends.
- We have one class in common.
AP Lit.
Quote:
- He invited me to come sit next to him. Coincidentally, I was going to ask him that same day if I could sit next to him anyways, because the people behind my usual spot are unpleasant, and since we had just become a bit closer friends, and we get along well, I thought it might be a good idea.
- He starts texting me way more frequently (every 3 months, about work, became every day about personal stuff)
Structuredlegal Not.
Quote:
- That sounds like friendship. Why do I think he's trying to be something more? He waits for me to get in my uber before biking home (no man has ever done that for me unless they've wanted something more) and flirts very frequently, though polite.
- I have a lot of reasons to believe he's going to try to ask me on a date. I think he's great. Though my sexual orientation doesn't include him, if I could phrase it that way. And I already have a partner (almost 3 years, committed for the long-term) I can't tell him about my sexuality for fear that it would change the dynamic of our friendship*
*Sidenote, not necessary to read: I understand the concept of "if he wouldn't be ok with your sexuality, is he even that good of a friend?" but that's just not how my country works yet. It's not generally progressive enough for me to factor that into how good a friend someone is. Moral of the story, I'm picky with friends but I really would like this guy to stick around.
CorG. TYFN.
2FIRE! wrote:
Friendship you cannot lose you can only act like it exists if you cannot handle it!
Personal:
True = LIN
True = IHU
3/21 checking= afternoon
bd pop= 3/24 MA1pm
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Quote:
I don't want to lose his friendship. He's easily one of my favorites people.
The only reason I ask this is because I'm so used to guys only being nice to me because they're interested in a relationship, and I'm scared he's one of them. I don't think he is, but you never know. I've had some great guys react that way. I just want to stay friends with him so bad. It could be so good.
Thank you! Have a wonderful day
I wish I could understand your advanced massive image issue. Sounds like you need to let it develop; does that seem ok? Or, please contact me off the board.
@allbecauseofthisman,
Even though you're not interested in him romantically, it's great that you value your friendship with this guy and want to keep it going. Being honest with him is the best thing you can do. If you think he might be interested in you romantically, you should let him know that you're not available in that way, but that you still value his friendship.
You don't have to tell him about your sexual orientation, and, understandably, you're nervous about doing so. You can just tell him that you don't want to date anyone else right now because you're already in a relationship with someone else.
Be honest and straightforward with him, but also kind and understanding. Tell him that you still care about him as a friend and want to hang out with him. I hope he'll understand, so your friendship can keep growing and getting stronger.
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