Is it okay to not invite neighbor's son to my son's birthday party?

Mon 6 Feb, 2023 03:48 pm
So this is my first time hosting a birthday party for one of my children since my wife has passed away. I'll admit I have in the past let my wife do most of the planning for these types of events as well handle as playdates, so I'm not the most experienced dealing with kid drama. All the kids here are 8-9 years old.

Anyway at school pickup the other day I was talking with the mother of one of my son's friends (Ellie). She had asked if my neighbors child (Adam) was invited to the party. I'm like "oh, ****" I probably should since he lives right next door. This is a whole other story, but I sort of fudged up the invites. Thankfully my son's friends parents helped me out. So I was thinking that Ellie's mom was reminding me, but then she told me that Ellie and Adam don't get along and she is not comfortable with her daughter being around Adam. I tried to ask what happened. She only said that she didn't want to get into it and just asked to let her know when I find out if Adam is coming.

So, basically it sound like she's not going to let Ellie come to the party if Adam comes to the party. While my son and Adam do play together sometimes afterschool, Ellie is one of my son's closest friends. They have a little trio friend group along with another kid and those three are always together. I know without a doubt that my son would want Ellie to come to his party rather than Adam.

That's said I feel like its created a sort of awkward situation with my neighbor. Adam and his family live right next door so obviously he's going to hear a party going on. If he goes to the second floor of his house he could easily look down into the back yard and see the party going on with some of his other classmates. So it seems pretty obvious he's going to feel left out and make things in the neighborhood tense. I really don't have the time or money to find somewhere else to have the party either and I'm kind of at a loss on what to do. Although I am leaning towards not inviting Adam because I just know my son will be so disappointed if Ellie isn't there.
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Type: Question • Score: 8 • Views: 3,435 • Replies: 9
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Mon 6 Feb, 2023 03:53 pm
Weird. I think you already answered your own question here.
Although I am leaning towards not inviting Adam.

If you feel guilty in not inviting Adam to this particular event, maybe invite Adam to a playdate at a not so later date. Say to go along with your son to the movies. Just something between Adam and your son.
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Mon 6 Feb, 2023 03:59 pm
If Adam's not there he'll be next door, that may be enougn to freak Ellie out.

You know what kids are like when there's a party going on, he'll be leaning over the fence etc.

Ellie's mother is dictating who you can and can't invite to your son's party. Invite them both, and if Ellie's mum wants to keep her away that's on her.

Why not ask your son to have a word with Adam? He could say something like you're only allowed to come if you're nice to Ellie, if not you can go straight home. (Which should be fairly easy if he's only next door.)

Your son will know Ellie has been invited so it's not you keeping her away.

I'm a single father as well, and I would make sure some women are there too.
Tue 7 Feb, 2023 04:08 pm
izzythepush wrote:

Ellie's mother is dictating who you can and can't invite to your son's party. Invite them both, and if Ellie's mum wants to keep her away that's on her.

I agree with this, she sure wouldn't be dictating to me who I can invite to one of our child's party.
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Frank Apisa
Wed 8 Feb, 2023 04:35 am
Tough situation.

Ellie's mother certainly has the right to keep distance between her daughter and Adam. You do not know the reason for the problem, but some of these problems can be very involved...and "the right to keep distance" may actually be "an obligation to keep distance."

Your son may know more than you suppose. You certainly can ask him if he wants Adam invited...and even include a comment that "inviting him may involve Ellie not attending."

Kids are sharp. He'll probably have an immediate answer...and you can go with what that answer provides.

Otherwise, go with what holds right now. No invite for Adam. Let Ellie's mom know that he has not been invited. (But since he lives right next door, he might end up crashing the event. And even if he doesn't, the lack of an invite might cause some hard feelings with his parents.)

These things happen.

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Wed 8 Feb, 2023 08:40 am
Donwaxy wrote:


What a charismatic and profound response! You should publish this treatise. It could win you a National Book Award.
Wed 8 Feb, 2023 08:47 am
I wonder why people come here just to post an asinine comment like that.

I suspect they're about to post spam and want a few "normal" posts registed before they start.
Wed 8 Feb, 2023 03:55 pm
Because their lives are dismal and even if you told them how they might feel better, they are happier being miserable. Actually, all that contained misery is ok for me, I just wonder why they post nonsense? Do you think they figure they make everyone else miserable? Maybe misery does seek company.
Wed 8 Feb, 2023 04:03 pm
I have no idea, but you're fight.

I once played Mephistopheles in an amateur production of Dr Faustus, one line I remember, when Mephistopheles is asked about his motivation he replies, "It comforts the wretched to have others suffer."
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