4
   

If you go to a restaurant and . . . .

 
 
4thtwin
 
Reply Tue 24 Jan, 2023 09:11 am
. . . . they brought your food out and your meat was dripping in grease and your veggies were hard like they cooked them with no liquid then when you took a bite of your food there was little to no seasoning on anything, what would you do? Would you just eat it and not say a thing or would you send it back to the kitchen?

I ran into that very scenario Sunday. My wife and I alternate cooking nights. She'll cook one day and I'll cook the next. This way neither of us as to do all the cooking. Yes, there is a major difference between how my wife and I cook or prepare meals. She's gonna do the bare minimum just to get it done. I like prepping the day before making sure I have everything I need and will even start working on the meal. I have never in my life seen someone who just doesn't care about anything. It was my wife's turn to cook this past Sun.
Now in the past when it's her turn to cook on Sundays that's usually one of our bigger meals of the week and while we're out on Sat I'll ask "hey, what do you have planned for dinner tomorrow" or "do you have everything you need for dinner?" That's usually met with "I'm so sick and tired or you asking me that, don't worry about what I'm cooking." Even when it's my turn to do a Sun meal I'm already thinking about it the Mon prior because I know I want to do something different or extra. All that week I'm checking our cabinets to see what we have and making sure I have all the ingredients so come Sat I can get what we need if we don't have it. AND, I'll even start prepping my meal on Sat night. Chopping veggies and putting them in Tupperware bowls so that's one less thing I'll have to do on Sun, or even seasoning up whatever meat I plan to cook and sticking it in the fridge. Again, that' sjust me and how I do things. In no way am I saying that everyone has to do it the way I do it. Well, this past Sat we had a meeting at church for a few hours then we went and picked up one of the grandbabies and did a little running around. Even ended up at Walmart. I didn't open my mouth. Then Sunday morning came and we were getting ready for church. Around 9 AM my wife takes a big pack of thick cut pork chops out of the freezer and sat them in a sink full of water. Mind you, these are thick cut pork chops. When we got home from church she fixes dinner and brings me my plate. I looked down at the pork shops and you know how when you fry them the ends tend to turn up sort of creating a bowl. I looked at the pork chops and grease was pooling right in the middle of the meat. I looked at the peas and they were so dry and shriveled up like raisins. The only descent thing was the corn on the cob. I guess it's hard to screw up corn on the cob. I literally take the pork chops and stand it up on end and grease was just pouring out onto my plate. I took the plate back to the kitchen and asked my wife did she drain it or at least sit it on a paper towel before fixing my plate. She said no. She just took them straight out of the deep frier and put it on my plate. Then I asked about the peas, which were a bag of frozen peas I had in the freezer and asked her if she put any water in the pot. They were so tough and rubbery. She said no but she cooked them for 7 minutes per the instructions on the bag. When you open a can of peas aren't they floating in water? I guess my wife thought since they were frozen there's enough water in them so that would be fine. But to cook a bag of frozen peas per the instructions on the bag to me is totally ridiculous. Then when she patted the pork dry I cut into it and the meat was still pink in the middle. I guess she had the deep fryer on it's highest setting so when the outside was nice and brown she took it out of the grease thinking the center was done too. I've heard of people having the pan so high until the outside burns before the center is done. I took a bite and it was so bland, no flavor. I asked her what spices she used and she wouldn't tell me but she did say the seasoned the flour. Ok, so the flour was seasoned but not the meat. It pissed her off that I even questioned her cooking but this is what set her off. I told her that you can't take pork out of the freezer at 9 AM that morning thinking it's gonna be seasoned and ready to eat by 1:30 PM. I told her cooking isn't hard to do but you need to plan and take your time. I told her she should have taken the meat out the freezer Sat morning to thaw out. Season them Sat night then bread them Sun and slow fry them in a pan on the stove and not the deep fry them on high. No, she's not going to do that because that means she's gotta think about food all the time. Last week I made arroz con pollo (rice with chicken). I prepped that a week in advance. Looking at recipes, making sure I had all my spices, buying what we didn't have. And it turned out really well. I have to cook this coming Sun and I'm already thinking about what I plan on making. Thinking takes little to no time. You can do that in while the commercials are playing on your favorite show, or while sitting at the stop light. Her feelings were hurt so bad until these words came out of her mouth, "do you want a divorce?" Really? Divorcing over pork chops! But I guess the real reason is her not knowing what to do and then having someone else tell her what to do or even just show her or make suggestions on how to do it differently the next time.

Yes, I love cooking and throwing things together. When I was a single dad I had to cook for both me and my daughter or we'd starve so that was just a part of who I was. My wife, on the other hand, would rather just pull out her card and go get fast food every night. Cooking is not her thing. However, she refuses to take anyone's (my) advice on how to do things simply because she is a woman and feel that as a woman you don't question her on her cooking. When she does cook a meal and has to chop anything she'll usually have me do that because she hates chopping veggies or anything that involves using a knife. There have been many of times I'd go in the kitchen and she was stirring one of our teflon pans with a big metal spoon and I'll hand her a wooden one and she gets pissed off because now I'm telling her how to cook. I wasn't, I just didn't want the teflon pan scrapped up with the metal spoon. That's wat the wooden ones are for. My wife didn't even know we had a food processor even though it's one of the biggest things sitting about 3 feet from the stove on our counter. Several years ago she had a pot luck on her job and she wanted to make some sort of corn casserole and the directions said to puree the corn in a food processor or blender, which we have also. I walked into the kitchen and my wife had the corn in the bowl of our Kitchenaid mixer with the whisk attachment installed and was wondering why it wasn't doing anything. This is how my wife thinks. When I asked her why she was using the mixer this was her answer. "Because I just wanted to use it."

I'm a firm believer in someone staying in their lane. If you know more about a particular thing I'm doing and you offer your advice or help I'm not going to argue with you about it. I'm going to listen and take the advice. That way the next time I'll know a little more on that topic. My wife argues with you on everything and doesn't like being told what to do.

So again, my original question: If you go to a restaurant and receive bad food do you send it back or do you just eat it and not say a word? And with that being said, do you not tell your spouse when something they cook is not that good or do you again just keep your mouth shut and eat it?
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Type: Question • Score: 4 • Views: 329 • Replies: 17
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Mame
 
  1  
Reply Tue 24 Jan, 2023 11:03 am
@4thtwin,
The thing for you to do is to have zero expectations. If you don't have expectations, you won't be disappointed. What I would do/have done is just returned the plate to the kitchen and fixed myself a grilled cheese or scrambled eggs and toast and not said a word about her pork chop (and who deep fries a pork chop?).

Nothing is going to change in your household. You've been living this way for years. Accept it for what it is. Accept that you're probably going to be eating only your own cooking.
4thtwin
 
  1  
Reply Tue 24 Jan, 2023 12:30 pm
@Mame,
"Who deep fries pork chops?" My wife does. She does. The less time she has to spend in the kitchen the better off she is. If something call for her to have a slow simmer and constantly stir for a while she'll crank the heat up to high and boil it. This takes time away from he3r scrolling through Facebook to see what someone posts. But now don't say anything about her cooking because, as the case shows, she is ready to go toe to toe with you on it. And to add to what you said let me tell you what would have happened. IF she fixed my plate and as it has been stated, if I would have quietly gotten up, taken my plate back into the kitchen, made a sandwich or scrambled an egg or made a bowl of cereal that would have caused another issue because passively I would have said I didn't want what you cooked so I'm going to fix something else. She was going to be pissed either way. My biggest issues is that she wasted those pork chops. They were not cheap.
CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Tue 24 Jan, 2023 03:24 pm
@4thtwin,
Why don't you cook every day? You obviously like it and you're good at it, so continue cooking. The days you eat out, your wife will have to pay for it and invite you! Case closed, problem solved!
jcboy
 
  1  
Reply Tue 24 Jan, 2023 03:32 pm
@CalamityJane,
I was going to suggest for him to leave cooking class pamphlets around the house as a hint Razz

Before I took classes I couldn't boil an egg, I thought the microwave was a good idea, don't ask what happened to the eggs Cool
4thtwin
 
  0  
Reply Tue 24 Jan, 2023 03:39 pm
@CalamityJane,
This is the reason we set it up this way so no one person has to always cook every day. But that works for me. I'd much rather cook every day but there has to be a trade off. I'll cook if you keep the groceries stocked for me to cook. She's not going to go for that. Why? Because she'll say now she's broke all the time. Again, her thing is this. She feels that since she works she doesn't have time to cook a meal every other night. Hell, most adults work and still find time to cook a meal when they get off work. We both work from home and I can't understand that logic. When we both were driving some 15 miles each way to get to work we'd still come home and cook. But now that she's sitting here in the house and not having to drive anywhere all of a sudden she doesn't have time to cook a meal by logging out of her workstation and walking the 3 feet onto the other side of the counter to start cooking. She got off work at 4, 34 minutes ago, and she's not moved from her workstation. I can hear the TV playing from the kitchen but not one thing is happening on the stove. She's literally sitting there scrolling through her phone and it's her night to cook. I make chicken stir fry last night and I didn't get off work till 5:30 PM. This is what I go through. We'll go get fast food or she'll drive down to the grocery store and buy a frozen pizza or something like that.
0 Replies
 
4thtwin
 
  0  
Reply Tue 24 Jan, 2023 03:48 pm
@jcboy,
Cooking classes are great but here again you have a situation where you're potentially telling a woman she can't cook and you need to take lessons. I've even asked her to cook with me but she doesn't take instructions well. If I tell her to hold her knife a certain way she gets mad. "I know how to hold a knife!"
If I tell her to to use a wooden spoon on my teflon pan instead of the metal spoon she's complaining. "I know what I'm doing." It's a constant battle with her. You can't say anything to her about anything.

Mame
 
  1  
Reply Tue 24 Jan, 2023 03:59 pm
@4thtwin,
When it's your day to cook, cook enough for leftovers the next day.
4thtwin
 
  0  
Reply Wed 25 Jan, 2023 09:48 am
@Mame,
Cook enough for two nights thus eating the same meal 2 days in a row. And what that also does is it eliminates her from cooking at all. I'll cook one day and she'll warm the leftovers the next on her day. Usually my leftovers are what I eat for lunch the next day.

Last night as her night and so we ate KFC.

Tonight is my night and I woke up with taco salad on my mind. Homemade taco bowl from the tortilla shells, seasoned ground beef, homemade guac, shredded lettuce, etc. That doesn't take long to make. During my lunch I'll slice and chop my veggies and make the guac so that when we get off all I'll have to do is brown the ground beef and season it. Again, cooking isn't difficult but it does take a little prep work. My wife doesn't like the prep. My wife gets angry when she can't find an ingredient or spice. Everything she needs should always be on the front when she opens the cabinet or the fridge. Most times shell complain about not being able to find something and I won't even have to get up out of my chair. I can just about tell her where it is if she moves this or that out of the way. Same with the deep freezer we have. It's stocked full but instead of pulling out a few things to get what she wants that may be closer to the bottom she'll just spend more money to go buy that very same ingredient again. You know we have it, you just don't want to pull it out.
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Wed 25 Jan, 2023 11:19 am
@4thtwin,
4thtwin wrote:

Cook enough for two nights thus eating the same meal 2 days in a row. And what that also does is it eliminates her from cooking at all. I'll cook one day and she'll warm the leftovers the next on her day. Usually my leftovers are what I eat for lunch the next day.



You can make something (like a roast) that you can reinvent the second day (like a stew). Or roast chicken on day 1, chicken fried rice the next day.

Why would you care that she's not cooking if you hate her food? Wouldn't you prefer to do it since you're so organized and creative?

Do you realize how you sound? You sound like a very unhappy, complaining, picky, "I'm perfect" person. Nothing your wife does suits you. Why are you together? Stop complaining and DO something about it. Like leave. Or accept her for what she is.
jcboy
 
  2  
Reply Wed 25 Jan, 2023 11:28 am
@Mame,
This guy sounds like Barry Razz

Taking someone to eat at KFC should be grounds for divorce. That food is nasty Mad
0 Replies
 
4thtwin
 
  0  
Reply Wed 25 Jan, 2023 11:49 am
@Mame,
No, but you are assuming that she'll take my food and reinvent it to something else the next night. That will never happen. This is what will happen. She'll pull my leftovers out of the fridge and sit them on the counter or stove and say warm it up yourself. I don't want her to stop cooking completely I just want her to think a little more about what she wants to cook and plan the meal accordingly. Cooking is not rocket science but it does take a few minutes to think about it and plan a meal. And again no one is asking for 5 course meal, just something you put a little time and a little effort into.

Mame
 
  1  
Reply Wed 25 Jan, 2023 11:53 am
@4thtwin,
I'm not assuming she'll use your food. I'm suggesting that YOU'LL use your leftovers to make something for you or both of you. I'm suggesting you feed yourself on her cooking nights.

She's not going to do what you want so give it up. She hasn't to date and doesn't appear interested in what you want. Some people don't care about food. You can't make people care about something they don't care about.
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Wed 25 Jan, 2023 12:44 pm
@4thtwin,
Take photos of the inside of your cabinets, fridge, and freezer after you have stocked them, and text the pictures to her.

Then she'll be able to find at least some stuff.

Personally, I like to cook. I am also exhausted at the end of the day. An hour of prep is 50 minutes too many on most days.

Something similar could be happening with her. Or not. Not everyone is into big-time cooking. Like Mame said, make 2x the food and eat the leftovers the following day.

If that's going to mean she never cooks, well, isn't that kind of the point? If her cooking is awful, then the fewer times you have to eat it, the better.

If you simply must keep score to make sure she's doing something else around the house if she's no longer cooking, hand over the laundry to her and call it a day.

PS complaining ceaselessly when someone does something for you will eventually make them so uninterested in doing that for you, that many people will just plain do it badly.

You're allowed to dislike things, of course! But if your only response to any effort is to knock it, then you'll start to see less and less effort.
0 Replies
 
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Wed 25 Jan, 2023 12:54 pm
@4thtwin,
4thtwin wrote:

Cook enough for two nights thus eating the same meal 2 days in a row. And what that also does is it eliminates her from cooking at all. I'll cook one day and she'll warm the leftovers the next on her day. Usually my leftovers are what I eat for lunch the next day.

Last night as her night and so we ate KFC.

Tonight is my night and I woke up with taco salad on my mind. Homemade taco bowl from the tortilla shells, seasoned ground beef, homemade guac, shredded lettuce, etc. That doesn't take long to make. During my lunch I'll slice and chop my veggies and make the guac so that when we get off all I'll have to do is brown the ground beef and season it. Again, cooking isn't difficult but it does take a little prep work. My wife doesn't like the prep. My wife gets angry when she can't find an ingredient or spice. Everything she needs should always be on the front when she opens the cabinet or the fridge. Most times shell complain about not being able to find something and I won't even have to get up out of my chair. I can just about tell her where it is if she moves this or that out of the way. Same with the deep freezer we have. It's stocked full but instead of pulling out a few things to get what she wants that may be closer to the bottom she'll just spend more money to go buy that very same ingredient again. You know we have it, you just don't want to pull it out.


You could also prep for her and cook together. My husband makes such a schmozzle when he cooks and doesn't seem to see all the mess he makes so I prep and clean as he cooks. That also ensures no onion skins etc get into the food Smile We both love cooking and, while I do the majority, he has dishes he wants to make, too. It's quite enjoyable, actually. Why not work with her? You can even meal-plan together. Trust me - it can be fun. Just try not to tell her what to do like how she holds her knife. See if you can turn her on to cooking by being supportive and giving her a hug a time or two while you're both in the kitchen. Say something positive.
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Wed 25 Jan, 2023 12:57 pm
@Mame,
And by the way, if you love cooking and appreciate your food more than hers, why should she have to do something else in trade? I don't get that. Just be grateful you're eating what you like.
0 Replies
 
4thtwin
 
  0  
Reply Wed 25 Jan, 2023 02:05 pm
@Mame,
That is exactly what you said.

"You can make something (like a roast) that you can reinvent the second day (like a stew). Or roast chicken on day 1, chicken fried rice the next day."

She takes what I made and turn it into something else the next day.

And you're right. Some people don't care about food or cooking but those very same people care about what you cook though. If I were to just make bologna sandwiches or tuna fish or egg salad when it's my nights to cook I assure you she'll have something to say about that. And trust me, when I make tuna fish or egg salad she'll turn up her nose like "I don't want that" or "is that all you're making?" If you don't care about cooking then don't call yourself a cook or claim you know how to cook then.
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Wed 25 Jan, 2023 02:14 pm
@4thtwin,
4thtwin wrote:

That is exactly what you said.

"You can make something (like a roast) that you can reinvent the second day (like a stew). Or roast chicken on day 1, chicken fried rice the next day."


I was talking about you making something the second day, not your wife. She may not be interested in making something with what you cooked, but you might.

What about my other points? About doing all the cooking yourself (with demanding something in turn) or being her prep cook, discussing meals together? Or do you just cherry-pick what you want to address?
0 Replies
 
 

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