Did I play with fire?

I am 35 year old man and have recently wondering how much I am at fault for a situation.

Background…I have been single for the past 5 years. I was in a relationship for 9 years from a young age. We weren’t married but we had a house and life together and still share our now 9 year old daughter. My ex left me in 2017 for another man and it devastated me. I loved her more than anything. It took me a very long time to get over her. I still haven’t had a relationship or even sex with a woman since her. I have gone on a few dates that didn’t go anywhere. I’m a loner, recluse, and keep to myself. I am also not the type of man looks wise that women are usually interested in. I have been very lonely and would love to have somebody but I have gotten used to my quiet simple life.

I started my current job in 2019. There was a woman hired around the same time as me(35) and we hit it off immediately. I was very attracted to her physically, but found out she was married. As I had gotten to know her I knew she had been married 4 years at that point with 2 year old twins. As we worked together over the next 3 years, my attraction grew into admiration. She was smart, funny, kind and dedicated to the job.

Eventually I began to feel what was sexual tension between us but believed it was my mind playing tricks on me. Surely, a married woman was not interested in me. We developed a good rapport and worked together nicely. Soon we started to doing nice little things for each other. She would make me baked good and bring them to me at work. I would clean snow off her car after the work day, and one day held her hand across an icy patch in the parking lot. I began to notice how stylishly she dressed and frequently complimented her outfits.

One time she had told me a client believed we were married. I told her she should have went along with as I could have done a lot worse than to be married to her. This led us to joke for weeks about us getting married to each other.

I believe I kept things strictly professional with her as I knew she was off limits. We never talked or saw each other outside of work. I remained convinced she was being merely friendly but she did start to confide in me about troubles in her marriage and that she wanted a divorce. This came as a shock to me as I always thought she was happily married and seemed a perfect wife and mother.

The last time we really spent to together was last year’s work Christmas party. She wore this amazing red dress that I swore she wore just for me. I swore she kept staring at me and I couldn’t keep my eyes off her either. That year and the previous year we wrote each other rather sentimental Christmas cards. I even bought her a few things as as gift last year, hand soaps from a bath and body store.

Come the first of this year in January, she gets laid off. Our company wasn’t doing well and we were anticipating potential lay offs. She was very devastated that day and I was upset. She came to say goodbye. We talked a while, hugged and exchanged numbers, promising to keep in touch. I did text her a giant heart emoji before she left.

In the coming weeks we did end up texting, not incessantly but on a Sunday at like 8:00 or 9:00 at night and one Friday night from like 7:30 pm until about almost midnight that night. Nothing inappropriate, mostly about how she was feeling about losing her job. She asked to get together soon and I agreed.

One day at work another woman I currently work with got involved in the situation(let’s call her B) B is good friends with her outside of work. Apparently they had both drank at a bar and she told B that she wanted to have sex with me. I told B that I didn’t believe her because the women is married. B states that the woman and her husband aren’t happy and have opened their marriage to be with other people. I know her marriage wasn’t good as she told me in the past. As much as I did have feelings for this woman, I have absolutely no interest in coming between a marriage whether it’s a bad one or not. I told B how much my simple life would break open. I stopped responding to the women’s texts.

Eventually B told me this woman had feelings for me. I told B that I cared for this women but only wanted to be her friend. I got hell from B for being a coward and not responding to the woman’s texts. I did feel bad, so eventually texted her to tell her I was sorry for being dormant and how I can’t invest in anyone.

I stopped contacting her after that. She texted me once in April to admit she did have feelings for me. She said she was separated from her husband and to give things a chance between us. She texted me once more in July to tell me how much I hurt her by ghosting. I haven’t heard from her since.

I am missing her but I have stayed away. However lately I felt bad/guilty how things went down after talking to my brother about it. He had given another perspective which made me do some reflection. I have been thinking about what or if I did anything wrong? I always felt I kept things appropriate and innocent between me and her. Did I cross any lines? Did I play with fire? Or was she the one in the wrong? Am I a jerk for ghosting her or should I just have been honest and had the courage to talk to her?