How do I talk to my BF about our sex life in a gentle way

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So BF(27M) and I (21F) have been together for 5 months and everything is really good except for one thing. The weekend sex has just gotten to be too much.

He is hyper sexual, like more then any guy I have ever been with which is fine, I love sex too. The sex has just gotten super rough and longer. He takes prescription and sometime OTC erection pills and the weekends are all about sex and the sex and sex adjacent things last hours. I have only been with three guys. He has much more experience then I do. We have sex during the week too but we are both busy so it isn’t like the weekends.

It’s one thing to have rough sex for minutes at a time but this is another level. Last weekend idk if i just got too hot or what happened but I had to get him off of me to go throw up everything in my stomach. By the time Saturday or Sunday comes I am sore af. It takes days to fully recover. I have tried to talk to him about it twice and he gets upset like I’m not attracted to him and gets weird and irritated. It’s really important to him. I really like him what do I do? I’m not trying to hurt his feelings or stop seeing him. I know you have to be delicate talking to guys about sex sometimes so what should I say?
I have only ever had the opposite problem where it’s 3 minutes and idk what to do or say to him

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@Jrabe528,

So... he hurts you, you try to tell him he's done so, and he gets all huffy with you?

You're not the problem.

Oh, and if he's taking all those pills that cannot possibly be good for him. He's in his 20s and taking Viagra or its equivalent?

How the hell can any doctor with even a shred of ethics have prescribed that?

1 Reply

@jespah,

There are a ton of websites where you have a two minute conversation with a dr bf they give you a script. He doesn’t take it all of the time. Yeah the sex is just too much.

2 Replies

@Jrabe528,

You say these exact words to him…

You’re hurting me and you need to stop. I’m not an object & you can’t treat me like one. This is not negotiable

If he continues to hurt you know he’s aware of your pain & doesn’t care
That is a fact and there’s no way around it or excuses either one of you can make

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I just don't see him deescalating. He's taking medication partially to keep his behavior going. He can't see that this is harming you? I think he does not care.

1 Reply

@Jrabe528,

I know about telehealth.

But this has got to be unethical on its face. Unless he has some proven injury or birth defect (either of which would require a physical examination), then he doesn't fit the model of a standard Viagra patient.

Beyond what doctors are doing, he's highly likely to be lying to them about his alleged need for these medications.

This is addiction behavior.

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@Jrabe528,

You only spoke to him about it twice. Was it during the time you were having sex?
Find another time of the day and explain to him that he is hurting you when you have sex. Be loving but firm.
Remember that his behavior has to change.

1 Reply

@NealNealNeal,

Quote:

You only spoke to him about it twice.

Seriously??? Once was sufficient.

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@bobsal u1553115,

That is great---for you.
She said that they have a good relationship. They should discuss it when there is no passion. If he is a good guy, he will understand.

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@Jrabe528,

You love sex - that is good so you should be fine. The three being him is a waste and is sad as you match like made in heaven.

Sounds like you had an emotional Friday and then you got what you needed as he got week you got disinterested. You like to get beat by a monster? Is this one of those things where you only like terrible people who are cruel and have huge superior hearts?

Well it is hard to say what your issue is. Sounds like you get him in two modes - probably normal aka no talk you don't want to hear him breathe and then the other way and that is shields down with you being superior.

If you don't let him on it whenever ... you know love and sex are important and the same?

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@bobsal u1553115,

I guess it is important that he knows...you say he doesn't care but I say she seems to him like she doesn't care and he is the rag doll for chew toy only good when it is good with her...

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@Jrabe528,

This sounds like a bad deal but you will get fair treatment going forward I suspected. Very well.

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@Jrabe528,

Dear.

I think you should try to talk to him one more time and say something like "My dear John/Andre/Julio -- please, listen to me. Hear me. I like sex with you, it is always great. But for me it seems to me that except sex we do not have any kind of other interests during weekends.

I am literally exhausted. I want calm weekends not full of sex. I want to spend time with you differently. This is not connected to the fact that you are not attracitve or that I do not like you. On the opposite, I really like you. But there is too much of intimacy... It makes me feeling pain rather than pleasure".

Something like that.

I also think that some different challenges can help you in this situation. Something like "Let´s not have sex for about a week or two days on weekends and this will give to both of us some relax and good energy". I have not been masturbating for over a week while my ex-GF had her "red" days. So, maybe something like that will help you.

If nothing helps, than it is a moment of breaking up.

And remember: cheating is not a question of a high libido. It is a choice.

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@Jrabe528,

All you can really do is be honest with him. I don’t think you've described your situation in a mean and unfair way. Express it to him just like you have here. Be clear that you're still very much attracted to him and you want to have sex with him but just in a different way and importantly what you want to get out of your sex together, a bit gentler, less of a hyperfocus on it so you can better savour the feeling etc. Maybe make some suggestions of the types of things you want to do that he might also like

If he still can't accept that that's a him problem. And if he continues to hurt you even after you've made it clear then you shouldn't be having sex with him again until he can make you feel more comfortable. I get that adressing that can be super scary and you might even feel bad but your own pleasure is important too. Nothing wrong with being firm when you need to

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How do I talk to my BF about our sex life in a gentle way

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