Tue 11 Oct, 2022 05:03 am
Sooo... I had to leave my country because of the war that started there and I left with my 2 friends. Well, one person is definitely a friend and the other person is a girl I've been in love with for almost 2 years. These 2 years were weird, first she broke my heart, then I broke hers, cause she tried to get me back when I was seeing someone else. But when we moved, she was my pillar of sanity... and for some time I truly believed that maybe we could start over. But... she always tells that she doesn't know what she's feeling. I don't want to push her. Moreover I deserve a person who knows if they love me or not. I knew all of this, but still for the last couple of months we kiss occasionally and in the very beginning we even had sex. Now I see her being completely in love with the other girl. I don't know if she realises this or not, but the way she tries to get her attention, this smile when she gets her messages... I know, she's in love. I'm dying in my jealousy. Although the other girl has her own girlfriend, I don't think they would last. And I wish all of them their happy ending, but I wish happiness for me as well. And just wonder when this pain will go away.
This weekend we're going to the party of that 'other girl'. This would be the first time when I see IRL the way my love looks at someone else and I don't think I'll be able to survive this pain. I'm in pain even thinking about it. I just wish to know if this would ever stop. I thought maybe when I meet someone else, but it's been 2 years, and right now besides that, I'm dealing with the depression because of the war in my country and sudden migration. I definitely have 0 energy to meet new people not in platonic way. So, I'm kinda lost. I'm seeing a therapist, but decided to reach out for the internet help as well.
I realize that you're not in a good place to meet people, but you really should.
Your life is tied up with these people, and it's killing you.
It doesn't have to be anything big. Smile and say hi to your neighbors. Join a Meetup or Facebook group that centers around your interests.
You need to have interactions that don't involve them.
And for God's sake, don't go to that party. No good will come from it.
Thank you, to be honest I only agreed to this party as a chance to meet other people. There would be everyone English-speaking, so I would have a chance to communicate. It's a bit difficult to do this otherwise, since I ended up in a country where almost no one speaks English or any other of 4 languages that I know. otherwise, I would just find a polite excuse not to go there.