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Co-worker asked me out. I have a boyfriend and don’t know what to do

 
 
Reply Sat 17 Sep, 2022 11:45 pm
So as the title says my co-worker has asked me out on a date. I’ve had a crush on him for months but have brushed it off as harmless attraction never thinking he’d like me let alone ask me out.

I currently have a boyfriend we’ve been together for a couple of years. I met him at my old job which we’ve left now. If I’m being quite honest I don’tw see a long term future in our relationship. We have too many differences in what we want for the future and it would be unfair on him to deprive him of a future he wants. I’ve told him this and he says I’m sure you’ll change your mind. I won’t.

When my co-worker asked me out the interaction was very short and awkward. I was caught off guard and turned him down (not that I could’ve said yes at the time). I said I don’t know if I can date someone from work and he walked off. He’s a really sweet and sensitive guy so I genuinely feel terrible for him as it would’ve taken so much courage for him to ask me that.

I’ve been mulling over what happened and have asked to have a chat with him on Monday. I’m not sure what I’m going to say. I can see myself with him happy but again the issues lies that I’m currently seeing someone who i do love. He is amazing and infatuated with me but like I said earlier I don’t see our relationship being something that will extend into the far future.

There have been moments in the past in my current relationship where I have wanted to break up with him but feel bad for what I know it will do to him, scared that it will be a mistake and incredibly guilty.

If I was in a different situation I would’ve wanted to say yes in a heartbeat.

Now that this has happened I can’t stop thinking of the what ifs and if my current relationship is worth perusing any longer. I’m feeling guilty for both men. Guilty that I’m considering breaking my current partners heart and confused at what I do and don’t want and confused at my feelings.

I’m an emotional hurricane internally right now and have cried over the situation on multiple occasions.

Has anyone else experienced this? Does anyone have any advise to help the situation?

Any insight, opinions or advise will be very much appreciated.

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Type: Question • Score: 6 • Views: 765 • Replies: 4
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Mame
 
  1  
Reply Sun 18 Sep, 2022 07:20 am
@SadandConfuseddd,
You're over-thinking everything.

First, mop up your tears and deal with your current boyfriend. Either get in our get out, to be fair to both of you.

Second, the guy at work is probably not as traumatized as you think. He just asked you out, for Pete's sake, and your response was a reasonable one. I'm sure he can handle it.

Third, live on your own for a while. It's a great wake up call.
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engineer
 
  1  
Reply Sun 18 Sep, 2022 10:13 am
@SadandConfuseddd,
You have a boyfriend you don't see a future with. By all means go out with someone else. Dating is not marriage; you have not promised to forsake all others.
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glitterbag
 
  1  
Reply Sun 18 Sep, 2022 10:47 am
@SadandConfuseddd,
You are giving me a headache. I'm sure the all-most over boyfriend will be sad or hurt, but you can't stay with someone only because they have feelings for you, you have to have the same feelings in return. To stay in such a situation is more cruel than compassionate for your partner.

As far as the guy at work, he will be alright. You not going out with him will not jeopardize his whole emotional well-being forever and ever.

But since you really don't see a future with the current boyfriend, you need to break that up and then if you want to go out with the guy from work (or anyone else) just accept the invitation.
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bobsal u1553115
 
  1  
Reply Fri 7 Oct, 2022 08:57 pm
**** or get off the pot. Why risk the immediate happiness of three people? Either honor the commitment or end it.

If you're looking for permission to demonstrate your lack of character, it won't happen here. Do the right thing, for Pete's sake.
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