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Mon 12 Sep, 2022 07:24 am
If you guys remember my step-son's daughter's mom is refusing to let him see his 6 year old daughter for several reasons. (1) Because he started a major brawl at her most recent birthday party in May and got arrested. And (2) because he sells drugs. In addition to him not being able to see his child she has also told us that she won't allow her daughter to come back to our house right now because my wife won't keep her mouth shut. She is always talking her the girl's mom and bad mouthing her. Why would you call someone's mom and bad mouth their child right to their face? My wife doesn't understand that that's completely wrong. Plus, my wife feels that her son has done nothing wrong and that everyone is just out against him. My granddaughter's mom and I still communicate on Facebook. I've always been cordial to her and have tried to give her advice on things. She and I have a descent relationship. I'm not throwing my step-son under the bus, so to speak. Even though he is the epitome of a dead beat dad, I have been telling her since day one to take him downtown and get child support. Anyway, me and the mom still communicate and I'll ask her how our little princess is doing. She gives me updates about school and stuff. Last week I hit her up and she told me that our granddaughter was going to the beach with some of her family members. I asked her if I could come see her one night this week and she said that would be totally fine. I told her that I would be alone because she's made it clear that my wife nor my step-son could see or spend time with her daughter right now because of their actions.
Ye4sterday my wife and I were in line at a store and she asked me had I heard from the child's mom because she knows that when she won't talk to them she'll still communicate with me. I told her yes and that our g-baby was at the beach with some family members. I then told her that I was making plans to go see her one night this week and my wife said that she wanted to go. I told her that would not happen because she was still on the outs with the baby's mom. She got highly upset, first of all, that I was chatting with the girl and that I didn't tell her and secondly, that I was making plans to go see our granddaughter without her. This girl has made it clear that because of my wife and her son's actions she didn't want them to have anything to do with her child at the moment. And this has been made perfectly clear to my wife but she still feels that I'm wrong to want to go see the little girl without her. It's not that I want to go see the child "without" her, I can't go see the child "with" her. My plans were to go see the child then video call my wife so they could talk. Maybe take her to McDonald's for a burger or a Happy Meal so we could have some fun. I hope the mom won't think that my wife is waiting down the street at the place and she won't let me take her for an hour or so.
Was I wrong to not tell my wife that I was on constant contact with her mom and that she and I were making plans to let me come see her this week? Again, my wife knows what she did but still feels that she was well within her rights to tell this girl's mom how disrespectful she is. I told my wife it was not her place to tell another parent how disrespectful their child is towards you. Especially when you're trying to keep some sort of relationship with her so you can see your grandchild.
On one hand I look at it this way. The birthday party was in May and we're now into Sept. By now this girl should have gotten over it somewhat. Yeah, the incident at her party was inexcusable but at some point you need to move on from it. Enough to start letting the child come back to our house. If for nothing more than just a few hours. Maybe not an overnight visit but is an afternoon gonna hurt? But then on the other hand she has to do what she feels is right for her child. You messed around with my step-son 7 or so years ago knowing his behavior and that he was a wanna be thug so why are you now surprised at his behavior?
Was I wrong not to tell my wife before now?
What difference does the opinion of a lot of strangers matter? You do what's right for your kids.
I don't know about leaving it so long tk let your wife know, but you two seem to thrive on conflict anyway.
And you are following in the tradition of Diary of a Nobody wonderfully.
"Pitt, a monkey of 17, who has only been with us six weeks, tol me "to keep my hair on!" I informed him I had had the honour of being in the firm twenty years, to which he insolently replied that I "looked it." I gave him an indignant look and said: "I demand from you some respect sir!" He replied : "All right, go on demanding." I would not argue with him any further. You cannot argue with people like that."
@Barry2021,
I don't think you're obligated to tell her about any of your conversations or visits and I don't know why you suddenly told her about this one.
As Izzy suggested, you seem to thrive on drama, and this time you created it. Think on that. There was no need for her to know about this visit. What good came out of it? You now have a hurt and angry wife (justified or not) and created more discord between you. Where's the win?
@izzythepush,
izzythepush wrote:
What difference does the opinion of a lot of strangers matter? You do what's right for your kids.
I don't know about leaving it so long tk let your wife know, but you two seem to thrive on conflict anyway.
And you are following in the tradition of Diary of a Nobody wonderfully.
"Pitt, a monkey of 17, who has only been with us six weeks, tol me "to keep my hair on!" I informed him I had had the honour of being in the firm twenty years, to which he insolently replied that I "looked it." I gave him an indignant look and said: "I demand from you some respect sir!" He replied : "All right, go on demanding." I would not argue with him any further. You cannot argue with people like that."
I guess I didn't tell my wife so it would have been a surprise when I called her on video chat and there was the grandbaby waving at her. My wife knows I am still in communication with the child's mom that's why she asked me if I had heard from her. There was a time maybe a year or so ago when the mom would only let me come pick her up for weekend visits. She spends the night at our house because dad lives in a boarding house with several other guys and we don't think it's safe for her to go over there. He'll come visit with her at our house or take her out for pizza or to the movies but she still sleeps at our house for the weekend. This is the same little girl that we've had every other weekend since she was about a month or so old so we are greatly attached to her and she is greatly attached to us we we're really hurting by not hearing from or seeing her.
@Mame,
Mame wrote:
I don't think you're obligated to tell her about any of your conversations or visits and I don't know why you suddenly told her about this one.
As Izzy suggested, you seem to thrive on drama, and this time you created it. Think on that. There was no need for her to know about this visit. What good came out of it? You now have a hurt and angry wife (justified or not) and created more discord between you. Where's the win?
No I didn't tell her when me and the girl's mom chatted but I also didn't hide it from my wife when she asked me either. I wasn't going to go visit the baby and completely keep it a secret from my wife. Like I said I was going to surprise her and call her on video call so she could see her granddaughter. How do you think my wife would have taken it if I would have gone to see the baby and not even told her I was there or that I didn't call her to let her speak with the baby? My intentions was not to hide anything.
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