Dora v. Passive-Aggression: The upcoming family BBQ(Advice?)

Well, just thought I'd update-- the BBQ's today; but I heard yesterday that "Red" asked his daughter if the veggies were coming, and then said, "Well, tell 'em I got some garden burgers, so they're all set" So even if he has to make his "grey" comments, he's made a nice gesture anyway. Apparently his stepson's gone veg, so he's had to get used to it. Thanks everyone for the advice and sympathy!

Wouldn't it be funny if he found out he liked gardenburgers?
(probably too much to hope for).

That would be great! I was going to bring some really good homemade veggie burgers to share so that he could see a better example of veggie cuisine than store bought Garden burgers (blech) but I don't have time unfortunately. maybe next time! I'm not sure how open he would be to it anyway....

I've never tried the store bought ones, but I've had some good ones at sort of upscale restaurants (as opposed to fast food places).

yep, they can be *really* ggod, so that most anybody would think they were yummy; or they can be really blah, so that they confirm a meaty's worst fears about vegetarian food

I wouldn't make my own to take now even if I had the time since he has put forth the effort and asked his daughter to let you know. Might seem like a slap to him.

Have fun!

there is such a thing as ' grey tint' in the color of ones skin who doesnt get enough protien.
Of course, most people who really LEARN how to be a veggie know this problem of not getting a ready enough supply of protien and counter act that with beans , tofu and other sources of protein.
Those who do the veggie thing half assed turn grey/ yellow. And you know the kind im talking about. They claim to be vegan/veggie while they down crappy packaged products simply because it isnt -meat- and call themselves healthy.
They tend to be the ones who yell the loudest at people who are not veggie and then leave alot of people with a bad taste in their mouths for veggies in general.
There tends to be a growing trend of superiority in vegans today that spills over everywhere you go as well.
I am not giving "red" any excuses. hehehe.. im just pointing out where he could have gotten this discomfort.

but, as I have just learned, anything you do diffrently then someone else that is noticable, they balk at. Change is diffrent to anyone. And diffrent people no matter WHY they are diffrent, are subject to any kind of ribbing.
The taunting and criticizing is a way for 'red' to work out in his own head the strangeness he feels being present with someone who CARES about what goes in their mouths enough to research foods and decide what to eat and what not to eat.


any who. It isnt easy. I just went semi- veggie. All veggie foods for me except for my salmon. More for health issues then animal rights. but even that change caused me alot of discomfort and the occasional " who does she think she is" taunt behind my back.
I handled it much as someone else suggested.
I spun on my heels and introduced myself or said some witty non rude comment that made the person feel as awkward as they were trying to make me feel.
It was success in a gardenburger BABY!!! ;-)

Glad things worked out in the end. I know how uncomfortable it must have been for you.

When I was 13 years old, I was seriously overweight and I was made fun of on a daily basis. Then I started liking boys and within a year I lost all that weight. I wasn't a veg, but very close to it. I was lean and fit and I thought I looked great.
Then when I visited my relatives (always tons of food involved) they kept telling me a was too thin and kept pushing food in front of me.
Now I love food by nature, so I need to watch everything I eat so my weight doesn't get out of control, so them constantly pushing EXTREMELY fatening food in my face was torture and I found it very insulting.
I eventually stopped visiting them because they wouldn't stop, even though I told them nicely that I couldn't eat those things anymore.
They also told me I looked too skinny and unhealthy, so I feel your frustration.

I love happy endings.

Be sure to tell your host that he looks really pink/ruddy/macho and then retreat before his carnivorous virility reaches out and sucks you in.

squinney-- good point, I thought aboot that... bf's mum said not to worry about it, but I was still thinking that it seemed like it would be kind of a slight... So I'm just bringing a nice pasta salad--everybody's happy!

Shewolf-- do you know, I still have yet to see this "greyish/yellowish tint", and I look for it, too Hmm...I'm not saying I'm certain it's not true, but having read frequently that excess protein is far more of a concern in most diets than too little (because excess protein is linked to osteoporosis and kidney stones, among other things, which are two of the most common health problems in America), I have yet to be convinced of the validity of this. I'm sure there are lots of people, prolly teens especially, who jump on the vego bandwagon and then just eat doughnuts--uhh...I, um, definitely never did that ...ahem-- but I really don't think protein is quite as difficult to get a sufficient amount of as people think...

But as far as the veggies out there who bug people about it and leave them feeling annoyed at all vegetarians, I completely concur...like any group, you've got those on the fringes who get fanatical, who use it as a reason to feel superior, to preach, to criticize-- yikes. Sure makes it tough for those of us who just wanna mind our own business!

Montana-- It drives me nuts when people do that! I haven't had the you're-too-thin thing happen to me <sigh> but I've seen it happen to others. To me it's always seemed like a kind of sour grapes-- I can't lose weight, you did, so I have to believe it's not really a good thing to lose weight... Lovely human nature again!

I agree on Squinney's point on not bringing your own veggie burgers since he was getting in gear. Maybe next time, if you tell him ahead of time you'd enjoy it.

Er, my post was rather out of sequence - I see you did a pasta salad...

I honestly think they meant well, but they were also not thinking how very annoying it was for me to be constantly pushing food away

Hey dora!

Just to put in my two cents... I have a cousin who's a vegetarian and she looks gorgeous!! (I'll bet you do too)

I think I got a real respect for vegetarians from her. I tend to think it's probably a healthier lifestyle. I try to have at least two or three "meatless" days a week.

I don't think it's hard to accommodate vegetarians either, considering all the restaurants that now have vegetarian items on the menu. And when people like yourself are willing to bring along their own food -- I don't see that there's any problem (in fact, I love those portobello shroom burgers!)

Some people just have to find a reason to criticize others. Ignore them!

Yes, expecting some folks to mind their own business would actually be devistating to them. I mean, what else would they possibly do with their lives if they weren't able to criticize others

I have noticed that as well.
I read about it, hear about it, but in all honesty have only seen it one time. And even then, I was only able to see it because I recognize tints in human skin from my background.
To anyone else, it would have gone unnoticed.





Agreed!
Though the majority of the contributing factors, are the antibiotics and other drugs that the meat companies pump their animals with in their short lives. Growth hormones destroy their bodies, and we ingest their meat that has growth hormones in it.. calling it a healthy part of our diet?
OHHH boy..im going to stay off THAT soap box.
Aside from that ,if a high protien diet was healthy.. why is most of america fat?!
>sigh<



and here is where i admit a BAD thing..
I watched trading spouses a couple of times
and on one episode, this vegan woman changed places with a familyin the bayou who raised gators for a living.
Long story short, she was the most arrogant, snob nosed, pig headed woman I have seen in along time. All she did was criticize their meat eating habits and their 'animal raising' jobs. >Sigh<
those kinds of people really bite the big one.


but anyway.
off that soap box.
I take it 'red' was much better to you this time? and things went well? :-)

Glad it's going better.

By the way I'm a carnivore (well, omnivore anyway) and I love veggie burgers. Morningstar Farms make basil and tomato veggie burgers that are delish.

ooo.. those are good.
so are there ranch chicken burgers.
MMMmmm

Hello all! Everything went very well, actually.

"Red" brought up our veggie diet a few times in a teasing way, but after he got his teasing out of his system, he said he respected our choice and he was decent about it. He is just the type of person that has to be picking at someone in a half-joking, half-jerky way-- and as someone suggested might be the case this year, he found someone else to focus most of his macho teasing on.

His main focus this time was my boyfriend's mom, who brought some yummy pico de gallo. Well, Red's a macho guy who likes a macho salsa, and this jest waddn't hot 'nuff for him. So he spent the whole afternoon getting a big kick out of telling her what kind of peppers her salsa needs, the kinds of spicy foods he eats, and crunching whole raw peppers from his garden while he talked to her. Watta man!!!!

I'm just glad he's not a relative of mine, I'm quite happy with a once-a-year dose of him!

Just a thought on something I've noticed among the people I know: Women are so much more open to the idea of eating less meat than men! It's funny. Do men really attach that much manly significance to meat eating, or just like it more, or are they just less flexible in general? I've talked to so many women who, if the subject comes up, instead of sounding annoyed or surprised by my being veg, say they only eat meat a few times a week, or they can take it or leave it, etc. Men are almost always the ones that seem kind of irritated by it and occasionally start bothering me about it, whether teasingly or seriously. Hmm...?
Silly menfolks! (I have a lot of these experiences because I work at a restaurant that has an emphasis on vegetarian food, so the subject comes up regularly. I don't want anyone to think I'm going around bringing it up to everyone I meet! )