Scared to have sex for the first time (24M)

Reply Wed 3 Aug, 2022 06:14 pm
So I've made a couple posts on here before about my sexual insecurities. Since then I've gotten better for sure, I've found a girlfriend and we're planning to meet up (LDR) in about 3 months time and have our first time's together at some point then. But I've still been getting a lot of anxiety about how it's going to go. To be clear I have talked about this to my girlfriend too but I figured some advice from some more experienced people could also do me no harm.

I think it mainly stems from my perception of sex and sexual relationships. As I've stated before my inexperience made me feel very scared about my ability to satisfy a woman, and that they'd inevitably be driven away in favour of another guy who could do a way better job than me. I feel like it's a very important thing I need to be good at. That's definitely gotten better, particularly with my gf being a virgin too and thus putting us in the same boat, but the prospect of having sex is still incredibly intimidating to me all the same. I really do want to do it, the idea of taking care of my girlfriend and giving her such amazing feelings of pleasure in particular is what really drives me, but I also can't help but wonder and worry what it'll actually be like.

There's also just...the physical act of having sex with someone. The whole thing just seems like such an intense prospect. I struggle to even make eye contact with people a lot of the time, so the prospect of being naked and so close up to another person...yeah it's really really scary. I worry my body and mind won't be able to take the whole thing, not in terms of me passing out, more like the whole thing being a disappointment for my girlfriend.

I also just feel stupid about the whole thing. Nearly everyone I know has had sex several times before no problem. It's just a very natural thing for so many people so the fact I'm getting so worked up so so much just makes me feel very uncool, immature and far behind.

Does anyone have anything to offer? I have done some research on the sorts of things to be aware of on my first time, do's and don'ts etc, so it's not so much sex tips I'm after. More like...how to cope with first time anxiety in the best way possible, for anyone that knows what it's like
Reply Wed 3 Aug, 2022 07:20 pm
Approach it with a sense of humor.

Not to laugh at your partner, of course. It's more to recognize the absurdity inherent in such situations. Embrace the fact that it will be imperfect. In a way, it's a skill like any other. You haven't really practiced it yet!

So if anything goes a little cockeyed (pun intended), it's totally okay.

Of course make sure you have protection and you have backup in case a condom breaks or you want to do the deed more than once. Be kind and gentle with your partner; it's her first time, too.

Also, recognize that for a lot of women, just vaginal sex isn't enough to get them to orgasm. There is nothing wrong with this. It's exceptionally normal. Concentrate on foreplay as it might bring her to orgasm (I have no idea what she likes, so you're a little on your own there).

Don't be afraid to talk. "It feels good when you ___" "Can we try ___?" "Do you like to ___?" "Yep, that's the spot!"

And when you're feeling anxious, between now and then, think of all the good things about her. Why you really like her. Why you trust her. Why you think she's special. How good a person she is. Anyone who is liked and trusted, and special and good as that is also going to be understanding.

You'll be fine. Smile
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bobsal u1553115
Reply Thu 4 Aug, 2022 06:23 am
You are overthinking it. There is no universal right way. It's about learning something intimate with someone using your senses more than your brain. You make the first step and and nature takes over.
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Reply Fri 5 Aug, 2022 05:40 am
You are in an LDR and in 3 months will be together for the first time.

There are many steps you two need to go through before you engage in intercourse - like connecting physically in many other ways - Starting with holding hands and looking at each other faces, for example.

Stop making yourself crazy and just get to know each other more emotionally , culturally, spiritually and intellectually at this first meeting time.

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