Mon 25 Jul, 2022 04:33 am
so me and this person have been friends for a while. i end up telling them my feelings and telling them that no matter what their answer will be, i don't want it to change our friendship in any way. they tell me that they are glad that i told them and they hope it helps that i said it out loud. they won't treat me differently and that it won't change our friendship and that they don't really know what to say right now. we don't really talk for 2-3 days then they ask me to hang out.
i'm really nervous, but i don't cancel and we hang out. i was, as well as my friends, expecting a concrete answer (because this person didn't really give me one?) but nope. didn't talk about it at all. to be fair, i kept saying this is so awkward at the beginning, mainly as a joke, to make a bit less "serious", i guess. but nothing at all. no "just wanted to let you know that i don't feel the same/feel the same", nothing. we just had a great time, hung out for 4 hours.
now for the advice. i thought "confessing" would lift the weight off my chest. in a way, it surely did. in a way, after the hang out, i realized that it didn't. i can recall at least 3 times where i got teary eyed, i mean, i love this person. i still feel very vulnerable right now, after "confessing". feelings don't just disappear instantly once you tell them to that person. i thought that maybe i would be good to talk to them that soon but i'm not so sure if it is. just as an example, - they told me i was being a baby a few times in an endearing voice and i just wanted to die internally. i'm not joking when i say it was painful lmao. doesn't really help that we banter a lot, we are very playful with each other so it's just horrible for me. any advice when it comes to this? thank you <3
There is a misconception that if we talk about our feelings/experiences/insecurities to a trusted person, all our concerns will melt away. I suspect it's a good first start, but sometimes our friends don't have the answers and sometimes they will never have the answer. If your issues are very complicated, maybe you need a counselor to help you sort it out.
By the way, you should think hard about whenever your friend says "you're being a baby", perhaps you are making too much of something.......it might be good advice.
i think you misunderstood the 'you are being a baby' bit. we were just joking around and i was talking passionately about something and he was just giggling while telling me 'you are such a baby'. we were both laughing about something stupid :')
You said it hurt your feelings, sorry if I mis-understood what you were trying to say.
Any time someone says, "I don't want this to change our relationship, BUT..." it ALWAYS changes the relationship. He gave you his answer, he's just not into you as a romantic partner. And it seems you know that as well.
You're both trying to put the genie back in the bottle and that doesn't work. Of course your friendship changed. Of course you feel sad. And of course he's blowing it off.
You need to move on. Back off seeing him so much. Find new hobbies and people to hang with. Learn how rejection can actually make you stronger and better than before. This isn't the end of the world, it is a change.
i just don't understand why he would want to talk to me that soon. isn't it common sense that it takes a bit for the other person to heal etc. ? i still want to be friends because they are an amazing person and friend.
Except you told him things wouldn't change. But they did - for you. And it's not healthy to pine after someone who doesn't share those feelings. In the long run, friendship will end in disaster.
It's best to ween off the situation before you come to hate him.
Perhaps you moved too fast before finding out if this person was “ available” in the way you wanted them to be.