Looking for second opinion

Your husband has some serious issues. If he does hit the dog (which I hope he doesn't), then it may only be a matter of time before he hits you.

He's certainly not above being petty, destructive, and gaslighting.

The problem is his. I think it's about time to leave him behind.

I agree with Roger. Your husband would not know where to hide if he dumped dog poop into my cat....it would be a painful experience for him.

I think you need to leave ASAP. Take the dog with you.

Sorry to see this. You deserve better. This all has to stop as these behaviors are dangerous to your health and your daughter’s too. This sets a poor example for her future relationships.



You’ve stated all of this and not written about whether or not you love him. You’ve even written that you think he’s a decent person. You need to understand that his behavior is not what decent people do. He’s manipulating you and verbally abusing you. He’s controlling you as well.stop allowing that to happen. You need to get your confidence back and that won’t happen with all of these behaviors continuing. Stop allowing this. This may take counseling for you or marital counseling and/or both.

We all have faults but threatening harm to the dog over the dog normal dog behavior is a sign of being very unwell. Manipulation is destructive . If You’re the breadwinner and the maid, that should stop. What does he contribute positively, financially or emotionally?

This seems very unrewarding. When and how will it stop? It’s up to you to break the chain.

I have always believed that the person who brings in the dough is the actual "head" of the family. It just so happens that you are a female stuck in a "man's world".
You have considered leaving him. It simply means, your attention has been diverted elsewhere.
Always be honest with yourself and I do not think it is bad to say what you feel.
Talk to him and maybe you could sort things out or take a moment to be away from each other for awhile.

Forget the marriage counselor unless he agrees to go with you. Go to a clinical therapist, especially a redecision therapist to learn why you accept abuse and then work with the therapist to change the decisions you made in childhood. It's not that difficult and doesn't take a long time. Fix yourself and move on. If your husband agrees to help himself, then you can work it out. If not, adios.

https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/types/redecision-therapy

Do you really have to ask? Lose that idiot at once!
Toss his sorry ass out the door or if you're afraid of him, move yourself
immediately. It seems he's not even working.

Why put up with **** like this - you only have 1 life to live, don't waste it with a$$holes.

Seeeeee ya........

roger say right

i think he has some issues

From the looks of it, you still have things under control. However, do know that martyrs are called martyrs because they are dead. Suffering from so many things which leads only to pain. I am not saying that you fight back but at least have the decency to have some self-respect.
I have a close friend who may technically be in the same scenario. She was an abused housewife. Her partner was cheating on her and she has bruises when we meet over coffee at times. She eventually showed me a message one time where she finally got fed up and hired a hitman online. She got the idea from a blog or something. Now, don't do that. That is an extreme method for fighting back. Though her d!ck of a partner is gone, I can see her more cheerful now but I guess she will be stuck with the thought forever.
What I am saying is, have some self-respect. Leave if you must or at least be honest with your partner with what you are feeling.

That's only one definition of martyr.

There are others, someone who exagerrates their condition can be said to play the martyr, and someone who constantly suffers from a condition can be a martyr to, backache,migraines etc.

That's just the noun definitions, martyr is also a verb.

Donald Trump sees himself as a martyr for American Freedom, However, he is also mentally disturbed and a self aggrandizer.

Okay, so from what I'm hearing, this guy is threatened by your success.

Not only that, but he has no respect for your property, and literally wants to "dump" on your earnings. I don't think it makes a difference that you failed to dump trash, it's not about you being messy (you're tired), it's about him being shitty. Either keep trying to please him (it's impossible) or turn the tables.

Look, it's simple. He has a macho mentality, but nothing to show for it. So tell him this:
"I don't care if you are the breadwinner or the homemaker. But I do a full-time job and earn more than you. Then I come home and do the housework. I am the man and the woman in this relationship. Start pulling your weight, or leave. I don't need you trash talking me when I'm the one doing chores, I don't need you cutting me downh, and unless you help out around her I don't need you at all. You don't like the way I do things? Fine, you can do them! Or you can stop bothering me."

You need to really dominate him and emasculate him here, because that sorta thing is no good. Either he will leave, help out, or that will escalate into physical abuse (in which case, call the police). In all cases, you've either improved things or gotten him out of your life. If he helps out, compliment him, and give him a sort of reward. You need to reform this sort of behavior, by training him to look after the house.

I believe that a household needs a breadwinner to earn income, and a homemaker to care for the place and people in it. It doesn't matter who it is though. But you can't have two breadwinners in competition (the rivalry drives a wedge in your marriage, the house and child is neglected, and one person might wind up doing both jobs) nor two homemakers (the household runs short on money). This is why American marriages fail, the women are trying for both roles, and the husband either competes against her, or is a manchild that doesn't uphold his end. Neither one is cool.

As for the dog, it's basically helping him abuse you. Give it to a shelter, and tell them to get it to a better home.

You have a responsibility to your emotional well being. Anyone who tells you that you are worthless and incompetent when you are the breadwinner and the manager of the household, yeah you don't need to listen tohim. In fact, that's what you ought to do, no threats, no ultimatums, just shut him down and ignore him Stop taking him seriously. He's a big child who can't manage alone so he's abusing you hoping you'll be dependent. How do we treat an unruly dog or child with tantrum? We shut them down.