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I want to help but . . . .

 
 
Reply Mon 11 Jul, 2022 12:25 pm
Let me ask a question. Say your parent's need a new roof on their house. How much help do you offer financially?

Here's the kicker. Your parents have three of their grown sons still living at the house and one of their grown grandsons but one of your sisters has gotten a quote to replace the roof and is asking the 7 siblings and the grandkids to pitch in equally to put a new roof on the house. I'm the youngest of 7 siblings, 53 years old. The three girls and I no longer live in the house. Dad is retired and ailing from Alzheimer's and is no longer able to work. Plus he's 82 or 83 years old. Mom is his caregiver. The two older sons never moved out. My twin brother, also 53, has been divorced twice and evicted from his last apartment earlier this year because when the rental moratorium was in affect he just stopped paying his rent and when that was lifted he didn't realize he now had to pay all that back rent. He never lost a day of work because of the pandemic. So he and his son, 25 or 26 years old, along with my two oldest brothers all still live at home with our parents. And they all are employed. My sister has divided to roof replacement cost evenly among the 7 siblings and the 6 grandkids to pitch in to put a new roof on our parent's house. I want to help but my thinking is that my parents have 4 grown adults in the house so why aren't they pitching in more? They live there not me. Am I wrong to think that? You want to help your parent's out but they also have 4 adults still living in the house. And right now I just don't have the funds to help given I'm working on a major car repair.

Again, am I wrong to think the way? Should we all chip in equally to put a new roof on the parent's house when 4 of the 7 siblings no longer live there.
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Mame
 
  1  
Reply Mon 11 Jul, 2022 02:59 pm
@Barry2021,
I would simply say that you have a huge repair bill and cannot afford to contribute. If you want to add the bit how about the freeloaders living with them should contribute more, do that, too.

What is each person's portion of the roof? Sounds like you have 13 people contributing so it can't be too onerous. Our roof cost $4,000 when we last reroofed several years ago.
Barry2021
 
  1  
Reply Mon 11 Jul, 2022 03:16 pm
@Mame,
Mame wrote:

I would simply say that you have a huge repair bill and cannot afford to contribute. If you want to add the bit how about the freeloaders living with them should contribute more, do that, too.

What is each person's portion of the roof? Sounds like you have 13 people contributing so it can't be too onerous. Our roof cost $4,000 when we last reroofed several years ago.


The roof cost will be about $9000. The 7 siblings will contribute $1000 each and the 6 grandkids will contribute a $1000 combined. The parents are putting in the rest. Yeah, I agree, those adults living in the house should contribute the most since they are technically benefiting from the roof. Here's why I feel this way. With dad not being too mobile our mom has to get him up and down out of the bed every day. Clean him and dress him. She cooks every meal and he now is on depends and doesn't know when he has an accident. The other day our mom was outside trimming the hedges and dad was still in the bed waiting on her to come get him up. The older two brothers were away, not sure if they were at work or not but they weren't home. My twin was there just watching TV. When one of our sisters ask why he wasn't helping out he told her that's not his job. See, he and I don't talk at all. We had a major falling out several years ago when it came out that he was cheating on his 2nd wife with escorts he was taking into their house. I told him he needed to cool it for a while because his wife was threatening to bust him up one Sunday at his church. He told me I didn't have the right to tell him what to do with him money. So I stopped talking with him. Yep, he eventually got divorced.

This is why I feel I shouldn't have to pay the same amount as those actually living in the house.
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Mon 11 Jul, 2022 03:24 pm
@Barry2021,
Well, state your case. Then let it go. They can't force you to pay up. If they had been paying rent, likely there would have been money for a new roof.

Could the roof be patched? I mean, how long are they going to live in it?
Barry2021
 
  1  
Reply Mon 11 Jul, 2022 05:50 pm
@Mame,
Mame wrote:

Well, state your case. Then let it go. They can't force you to pay up. If they had been paying rent, likely there would have been money for a new roof.

Could the roof be patched? I mean, how long are they going to live in it?



I plan to discuss this with my sister tomorrow. I look at the breakdown like this. The roof estimate is $9000. Those living in the house should contribute $1200 each, including the one grandson. That's $4800. My parent's put in $1000 making the today $5800. Each other sibling donates $500 for an additional $2000 making that total $7800. The other 5 grandkids donate $240 each giving you a total of $9000 for the roof.

Yes, I feel that those who actually live there should contribute more. My twin may fight this because he feels that since he's just between apartments now he shouldn't have to pay as much because in his mind, "that's not his house." I know for a fact that he only gives our mom $100 a week to stay there. That's $400 a month for shelter, food, water, cable TV, internet, clean laundry, A/C, heat, etc. The other siblings think he needs to be paying more. And the grandson that lives there has a BMW that he's fixing up and has wrapped it in this florescent pink wrapping with a big spoiler kits and all. My brother went out a few months ago and bought bought a $300+ dollar Easter suit that no one has seen and now he's looking into buying a gun and holster so he can be extra security at his church. He refuses to let anyone see the suit because we all got on him because right now he's technically homeless and homeless men don't wear $300+ dollar suits. That's my issue, you can go buy all these expensive clothes and looking into buying a gun while you're homeless sleeping on someone else's sofa then you can contribute more to the roof that you're sleeping under. And the grandson who also lives there can take his money to soup up a used BMW can also contribute more to the roof.

The roof will be replaced whether I like the breakdown or not. It's the family house and it's paid for so that when the parents pass away it will be shared by all of us but the two older brothers will remain in the house. I would assume that by then my twin and his son would be out of the house at some point.
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Mon 11 Jul, 2022 08:15 pm
@Barry2021,
How big is this roof, anyway? $9000 sounds high to me. Maybe get other quotes? We have a fairly large house and it was only $4K. I always get 3 or 4 quotes... Maybe I should send my roofers to you!
Barry2021
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Jul, 2022 04:53 am
@Mame,
Mame wrote:

How big is this roof, anyway? $9000 sounds high to me. Maybe get other quotes? We have a fairly large house and it was only $4K. I always get 3 or 4 quotes... Maybe I should send my roofers to you!


Roof replacement costs vary from state to state and region to region. Post pandemic and most things have increased in price so you can't really say that because you only paid $4k for your roof that should be standard across the board. No, we didn't get just one quote or estimate. There were several who came out and wrote a quote and they all were fairly consistent around that same price.
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