My wife's insecurities, again!!

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Background: My wife and I have been together some 20+ years. Married the past 11 years.

It seems like every few days she finds some reason to show her insecurities. This past Monday was my birthday and she took a pic of me and posted on both my and her Facebook page saying the usual happy birthday to my husband speel. A ton of my friends and hers commented with well wishes. Friends I went to high school and college with, friends from our church, and friends I had made through a number of jobs I've had down through the years, past and present.

Yesterday and put up a post thanking everyone for the well wishes and things and even still a few friends posted to that post "happy birthday." One girl I currently work with and then another girl from a job I had 10+ years ago. We were sitting on the sofa last night watching TV and she was going through my page and when she saw that post from yesterday she turned to me and asked, "who is (insert name)?" I looked at her like "what". She then asked again who was the girl who wished me happy birthday. I told her it was one of my current co-workers. Then she says, "I see why you're her friend because she's a high yellow girl." My wife is also a high yellow black girl and she knows I love that. A few minutes later she asked again. "Who is this girl?" Again, this was another girl I haven't seen in probably 10+ years if not more. Just a girl I connected with at a job and we've remained Facebook friends. We haven't spoken in that time but she may occasionally like a post or a photo on my page and I'll do the same to her.

A few minutes later she turns to me and says, "do these people know you're married?" I looked at her and said yes. Wouldn't it be obvious if you put up a post telling everyone to congratulate your HUSBAND on his birthday? A few minutes later she turns to me again and says, "Why doesn't your profile says you're married?" When she clicked on my profile she didn't see that it says I'm married but actually it does. You have to click the "About" section on my profile. She then insisted that I change my profile to show that without having to click on it. I didn't because I wasn't about to feed into her insecurities again. Yes, every co-worker I have knows I'm married but because it's not the first thing you see on my profile page she thinks I'm hiding it and her.

Would you change your profile page to appease someone else?

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What in the world is a 'high yellow black girl"?

1 Reply

@Mame,

It's an offensive term to describe light skinned black people. It's designed to show the many variations of skin tone that can attribute "white" features versus black ones.

0 Replies

@Barry2021,

Would I allow her to change it? Sure, no skin off my back. IMO, you don't pick your fights well. She's not asking you to unfriend people or refuse to work with coworkers. That would be a fight worth having. Just changing your about section to highlight what is already there, no problem. This is pretty insignificant. It's not the hill to die on. Sometimes in marriage it is worth it to address your partner's insecurities.

1 Reply

@engineer,

engineer wrote:

Would I allow her to change it? Sure, no skin off my back. IMO, you don't pick your fights well. She's not asking you to unfriend people or refuse to work with coworkers. That would be a fight worth having. Just changing your about section to highlight what is already there, no problem. This is pretty insignificant. It's not the hill to die on. Sometimes in marriage it is worth it to address your partner's insecurities.

No, it's not a hill I choose to die on but I'm not going to change any and everything simply because she wants it changed. My profile clearly says I'm married as ALL my friends know, personal and professional. Yeah, you may have to click the "About" link to see it but I do not nor have I ever hidden my wife on my page. I'm always posting pics of us and giving updates about things we do or places we've been. It's not a big secret. Yeah, a simply profile change could solve the problem but I'm not going to feed into her insecurities simply because one of my friends wishes me happy birthday. There's people she knows that I don't know who are friends of hers on her page and a number of those very same people wished me happy birthday simply because they are friends of hers. I not once questioned her on who this person was or why where they wishing me happy birthday. I change my About section then what's next? If you keep changing things because someone may not like it then they are going to expect you to always change what they don't like. It's not like I have my wife blocked on my page. She sees everything everyone else does. I have a lot of friends on my page who are also married and when you click their profile you don't always see that they are married. Not everyone puts their relationship status in the forefront. People just know we're married. It is clearly there: "Married to . . . " so I can not and will not change anything simply because she thinks that every girl on my page is someone I've slept with in the past or someone I'm trying to sleep with in the future.

And high yella is not an offensive term to describe a lighter skinned black woman. I know a lot of them and none of them have ever said it was offensive.

1 Reply

@Barry2021,

Your wife is just marking her territory. Just tell her

"It is an associate from work, whom I am buddies with".

That is it.

If she keeps going loopy then just joke with her, play with her.

............................................................

I really this stupid bs about "High yellow, red bone, or whatever color bs to even mustard, pink skin, rose, or whatever bs" just because some of your features on your body is _______ you should be whatever way. I am so sick of it. It makes me feel bad because of the same stupidity lingo. It is crap like that to confuse people about being American, or whatever nationality they are.

Black people ( most ) are the living definition of being an ideal American, and to be honest between Latino/Native American/Pacific Islander and Arabic/Oriental/Middle-Eastern/Indian are basically the most beautiful people on the face of the planet because the amount diversity. You could pass off each other as the same people for the most part,

But the moment you see a small amount of curls, or the nose, or even the amount of damage due to stress, fat, not ___ your body. Your deemed African. Which is a slap in the face to real African African people, as well. Just as the disturbing way even Gandhi would go on about "coolies" ( a derogatory term for Indian Indian people who skin was black, dark, and even had features of African African people )

but again that is where you rest your cock......................

Yup.... which is silly.

Also that being said people with Yellowish skin ( no matter what race ) actually could be suffering from a deficiency in nutrients the body is not processing. So it has nothing to do with races, or mixing. Meaning her ( their ) skin color should be more lighter, rosey, or peachy, but that deficiency makes it extra, tan, yellow.

Yellow skin is not reserved for the "yellows" ( slang term for East Asian people ). but could be anybody and is a random inherited gene.

0 Replies

@Barry2021,

Barry2021 wrote:

No, it's not a hill I choose to die on but I'm not going to change any and everything simply because she wants it changed. ... Yeah, a simply profile change could solve the problem but I'm not going to feed into her insecurities simply because one of my friends wishes me happy birthday.

So, this is a hill you are willing to die on. By making a change, you are not "feeding" her insecurities, you are ameliorating them. You are feeding her insecurities by showing that you will not bend, even in the slightest, to her concerns. My guess is she bends to yours all the time and you probably don't even notice.

Barry2021 wrote:

There's people she knows that I don't know who are friends of hers on her page and a number of those very same people wished me happy birthday simply because they are friends of hers. I not once questioned her on who this person was or why where they wishing me happy birthday.

Because that is not your insecurity.

Barry2021 wrote:

I change my About section then what's next? If you keep changing things because someone may not like it then they are going to expect you to always change what they don't like.

Ah, the slippery slope argument. I can never compromise with my wife because then she'll always try to get me to compromise. Marriage doesn't have to be a lifetime battle to get your way. It's ok, to compromise on things that aren't important to you but really important to your spouse. Life is better for everyone when you bend here and there.

1 Reply

@engineer,

engineer wrote:

Barry2021 wrote:

No, it's not a hill I choose to die on but I'm not going to change any and everything simply because she wants it changed. ... Yeah, a simply profile change could solve the problem but I'm not going to feed into her insecurities simply because one of my friends wishes me happy birthday.

So, this is a hill you are willing to die on. By making a change, you are not "feeding" her insecurities, you are ameliorating them. You are feeding her insecurities by showing that you will not bend, even in the slightest, to her concerns. My guess is she bends to yours all the time and you probably don't even notice.

Barry2021 wrote:

There's people she knows that I don't know who are friends of hers on her page and a number of those very same people wished me happy birthday simply because they are friends of hers. I not once questioned her on who this person was or why where they wishing me happy birthday.

Because that is not your insecurity.

Barry2021 wrote:

I change my About section then what's next? If you keep changing things because someone may not like it then they are going to expect you to always change what they don't like.

Ah, the slippery slope argument. I can never compromise with my wife because then she'll always try to get me to compromise. Marriage doesn't have to be a lifetime battle to get your way. It's ok, to compromise on things that aren't important to you but really important to your spouse. Life is better for everyone when you bend here and there.

This is not a compromise. "Change it because I want it changed." Where's my consideration in the "compromise"? For a compromise to happen both sides need to give up something. Here's the compromise: "I'll stop complaining about it if you change it."

3 Replies

@Barry2021,

You just live for conflict.

You're not happy unless you've got something to moan about.

At least nobody can say you don't appreciate misery.

0 Replies

@Barry2021,

I can not understand why can't you talk with your in-laws or even your own parents about this anti-trust nonsense????

I am saying it again, their is no "compromise" you might as well get a sex-change and call yourself "Shela".

In fact just to be on the safe side ( work wise ), maybe ( if you and your superiors are understanding and somewhat respectable like friends ), you could mention to your boss that "My wife is thinking loopy nonsense about me at the moment so she might come down here and make a scene". It is childishness "because some of my friends are not men"

In fact while your talking to your superiors you might as well talk to the Union lawyers afterwards, while doing this you might as well have your phone secretly recording the conversations.

Because that is what happen to my cousins husband. This idiot came into her office and pushed the idea she was sleeping with her boss because he could not understand why she was making more money then him. Which resulted in security being called on her and then she was fired "for providing an unsafe work environment etc...."

Your "Wife" sounds like an insane person who is going to barge into your office place and make a scene causing you to be fired, or some evil nonsense like that.

............

THEIR IS NO COMPROMISE!!!. That is just your co-worker and your friends with her, and if my friends just happen to be women you should not have a problem with that. Because unlike them we are inside a monogamous relationship. They are like the dudes I play video-games with.

So far she sounds trusting and you want a stereotypical resolution.

0 Replies

@Barry2021,

That sounds perfect. Ask her if she will stop complaining about it if you change it. If she says yes, you change it, no problem.

0 Replies

@Barry2021,

Just out of curiosity, do you sleep with one eye open at all times? I would, if I were you!

It’s simply Amazing how many of these conflicts you come up with in such a small interval in time!

1 Reply

@Ragman,

Clearly he is whipped by a type of predatory female who is putting up the front that she is jealous without saying. The idea that he is only associating with this person because of her outer appearance.

When your relationship is based on racist out-dated ideas and that does not matter we go into "oh she looks like me". It is like the poor military guy who got some impulsive angry bi-polar girl pregnant and the only reason she is quiet is because the guy is good to her. But you could see it in her eyes,.

I am really sick of these nice looking men who could pass as teenagers or male models with these messed up witches who look like their grand mothers or mothers or if they got up on their upset ( truck hit them in the face ) side. No amount of make-up could hide that fact. I am not talking about kugarism, but the fact she looks like the term "stress". Unpleasant and unhappy even with children.

.......................

It is the internet it is not real.

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My wife's insecurities, again!!

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