Is one more day going to hurt? (I never take her advice, according to her)

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As usual when my wife gives advice, if you don't take her advice then she feels like "why did you ask me then?"

My SUV has been having some problems for a few months now. AC issues, engine codes causing it to idle rough, driver's side window won't go down 9 months after replacing the window regulator. I've really been limiting driving it as to not cause any more damages to the engine until I can get it fixed. I took it to a national chain shop who diagnosed the AC and the engine issues but stated they couldn't do the work. So I finally took it to the dealership. They have figured out the problems and the total cost of repairs is about $4500. To me it's worth getting it fixed because the SUV will be paid for in a few months and I'm really not looking forward to starting over with payments. Ok, I decided to take a loan out on my 401k (pay myself back over time) for the amount of the repairs and to put a few tires on the truck. When the dealership told me the repair cost I just asked them if I could leave the truck there until I got the funds together because I was going to let them do the work, I just needed to get the money together? They said that was fine. That was last Thurs. I took out the loan and it was approved. Sat I get an email saying they money would be deposited into my bank account in 3 or 4 business days. Mon was the Juneteenth holiday so banks were closed. Yesterday (Tues) I was discussing it with my wife and she said that since the money is coming to go ahead and tell the dealership to start the repairs. I told her I would rather wait till I had the funds before they start working on it. See, I know how some things go. The dealership starts the repairs and then there's a delay on the funds being deposited. Or they finish the work and I still don't have the money. This morning I woke up about 3 or 4 AM for some reason and just decided to check my account. The funds were there. Ok, my plan was to call the dealership when they open to tell them to go ahead and start the work. Granted, it's been less than 24 hours since the wife and I discussed it and since she suggested I tell the dealership to start the work (yesterday). This morning while making coffee she asked me if the funds were in my account and I told her yes. She said that's good given she had told me to tell the dealership to go ahead and start the work. When I told her I didn't call them yet and I was about to call them this morning she got all in her feelings saying why did I ask her if I wasn't going to take her advice. I don't think I asked her directly but we were talking about it. She made the suggestion so since I didn't take her suggestion then that shows that I don't value her opinion. She then goes off on this long tangent about it saying the dealership could have started the work and I'd be closer to getting my truck back. Again, what is one day going to hurt? They have had it since last Tues night. They said it would only take 2 days or so to do all the work but with all they have to do and the fact that they have already told me they were short staffed I seriously doubt I would get my SUV back this week, plus, I'm not rushing them to complete the work.

If any of you have ever had a major repair on your car do you tell them to start the work before you have the money and was / did one more day hurt just to make sure you have the money first? The repair bill didn't go up because of one more day. And how do you deal with people who always offer advice but feel that since they took the time to give you their advice that you are obligated to take it and when you don't, they get upset like they wasted breath and words on you?

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@Barry2021,

I value my marriage over a vehicle. It's a shame you don't.

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@neptuneblue,

neptuneblue wrote:

I value my marriage over a vehicle. It's a shame you don't.

I value my marriage too but do you always, ALWAYS take the advice of your spouse simply because they said it? She's not paying one dime on the repairs nor is the money coming out of our joint account. It was one day. It's not like she told me last week to tell the dealership to start the repairs and here it is this week and I still hadn't said anything to them. You don't always have to take someone's advise simply because they are your spouse.

A few years ago our city created several toll lanes on the highways and interstates to charge people extra money to use when the regular lanes were backed up. My wife is one of those who won't leave home to go to work until the absolute last minute. Me, I always leave with plenty enough time in case there's a wreck on the highway, traffic is just backed up for some reason, or if I decide to stop and get a coffee or a breakfast sandwich. I don't rush to get to just and be there just in the nick of time. My wife decides to use the toll road because she says it saves her time. Ok, she gets the bill in the mail probably for $5 or $10 and she pushes it off. A few months later she gets a letter from the state DMV saying her registration on her car is being blocked because she hasn't paid the toll bill. By this point the bill had gotten up to well over $100. I told her instead of using those toll road to get to and from work to just leave 10 or 15 minutes earlier but she refuses. She will even take the toll roads home so she can get to the house a few minutes earlier. Did I get all upset when she didn't take my advice, nope. That's her toll bill and registration being blocked until she paid it. And like with my car repair, no money was coming out of my pocket or bank account to pay her toll bill. If she takes my advice she does, if she doesn't she doesn't. No skin off my nose. However, I didn't go off on a tangent about it either. Now she had to come up with over $100 on a bill that originally was a few dollars. I accidentally got on that toll road once and when I got my bill it was $1.15. I paid it immediately. She could have done the same to avoid her registration being blocked and the bill now increasing to well over $100 in fines and penalties.

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@Barry2021,

A couple of thoughts here.

-It sounds like you didn't ask her, she volunteered an opinion.
-Her opinion wasn't all that bad. I'd have probably started repairs. Even if the money got held up, a credit card would have allowed you a 25 day grace period.
-Your opinion is also not all that bad. I can see your reasoning. You've got to be comfortable laying out that kind of money.
-When she stated her opinion, that was the time to say "I can see what you are saying but I'm really not comfortable until I see the money." That's a fair position. By not saying anything, you contributed to her misunderstanding.

So what do you do now? I'd tell her that her idea was a good one, but you are conservative with money and just weren't comfortable until you saw the money. Respect her input, explain your position.

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@engineer,

engineer wrote:

A couple of thoughts here.

-It sounds like you didn't ask her, she volunteered an opinion.
-Her opinion wasn't all that bad. I'd have probably started repairs. Even if the money got held up, a credit card would have allowed you a 25 day grace period.
-Your opinion is also not all that bad. I can see your reasoning. You've got to be comfortable laying out that kind of money.
-When she stated her opinion, that was the time to say "I can see what you are saying but I'm really not comfortable until I see the money." That's a fair position. By not saying anything, you contributed to her misunderstanding.

So what do you do now? I'd tell her that her idea was a good one, but you are conservative with money and just weren't comfortable until you saw the money. Respect her input, explain your position.

Oh no, I've told her on several occasions that I would rather wait till the money is in my account. Her way is no better than mine. Either way would work but in this case since I didn't got the route she suggested then I thumbed my nose at her. That has been no big secret. I told her I would rather wait till I had the money. We discussed that all weekend. She is just tired of us having to use her car for things and she just wants me to get mine fixed ASAP. When it comes to my car being repaired I do not want to rush anyone to do anything. We are a 2 car family and we both work from home so it's not like I have to have my car sitting in the driveway. It needs repairs and it's at the shop. If I use her car it's just to run to the store to get something for dinner or I may go run to my parent's house 5 miles away to check on them. I'm not taking her car and leaving her stranded for hours at a time. And then with working from home sometimes it's just nice to get out of the house for a few minutes and get some fresh air. I guess what I'm saying is you don't always have to take someone's advice simply because they offer it. And they shouldn't get all upset when you don. There was no hard done in waiting 24 hours. The dealership is going to have the truck a few more days anyway.

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And the thing is this, my wife feels she knows more than any and everyone. She can be driving her car and hear a slight rattling noise and automatically think it's her catalytic convertor about to fall off. When she mentions it to me I'll tell her that's not it. She gets angry with me because now, I'm undermining her. She knows what it is but is mad because I won't take it to the shop AND pay for the repairs. 6 months later she'll hear the noise again and we're back to square one again. Or she got on this kick some years ago that I had to put a stop to. When she thinks something is wrong with her car she had gotten to the point to where she wouldn't even tell me, because she knows more than me. We'd be sitting in the house and a guy in a van will pull up and all he'll have is a screwdriver and a wrench in his hand. She'll tell him what's wrong and he'll make a few suggestions then she'll pay him and he leaves. She loves dong things like this on the cheap. And even when her car is really giving her issues she thinks it's best to take it to 4 or 5 places to get repair estimates on it but then when you've gotta pay for those estimates that money ads up. She's looking for the cheapest place she can find. My truck is an investment for me. I want it to last longer than a few years. So no, I'm not just going to take my car to any neighborhood shop or a guy with a van and a screwdriver. I like getting a warranty on my car repairs. Not saying I won't get a warranty at a neighborhood place or from my buddy down the street but if I'm on a road trip a hundred miles or so away my buddy isn't going to pack up his tools and come meet me. It's still advice or an opinion. you can take it if you want but you also can not take it and decide to do what you want on your own.

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Common bitch theme in your posts: “Wife thinks she knows better than anyone else . “

Stop competing for the “Ah Ha” moment. She gave her opinion, you chose to do things your way.

No one won here.

Carry on and drive ( when you can)

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Is one more day going to hurt? (I never take her advice, according to her)

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