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We got dogs and found out niece is allergic and cannot spend the summer our house with her cousins

 
 
mallem
 
Reply Tue 31 May, 2022 10:01 am
So since my husband and I don’t work in the summer, aside from the occasional meeting, we run a sort of unofficial daycare with our niece and nephews. It works out great because our kids get to stay social in the summer and spend time with their cousins and nobody has to pay for childcare in the summer (aside money for food/excursions). We have a bunch of stuff to keep the kids occupied and they all seem to have a great time. According to them our house is the fun house.

Anyway my husband and I recently adopted a mama dog with multiple pups. We had promised our kids a dog for a long time and she sort of fell into our hands so we felt like it was destined to be. They are not weaned yet, but all are very healthy. There are 5 of them. My husband plan on keeping the mama dog and at least one of her puppies. That leaves 4 of the puppies. Since my husband has 1 sister and I have 3 siblings its the perfect amount for each family to get a puppy if they want one. If not we plan on keeping any remaining puppies. Our siblings and kids are all big dog lovers. So I sent a text to our group family text to tell them about the dogs and offer each family a puppy once they are old enough to leave their mom. I also said that we could watch the puppies during the day as well.

My husbands sister wanted a puppy. My sister and one of my brothers were also enthusiastic about getting a puppy. My Brother, Kyle, was however not. Which was okay because we can keep the mom dog and two puppies no problem.

Later on though Kyle texted me privately about how we should have asked about getting the dogs before because his new stepdaughter (he just got remarried) is extremely allergic to dogs. Like she has trouble breathing if she’s around a dog. We never knew or were told about it. We were supposed to watch her and my brothers son during the summer along with the rest of the cousins. With the dogs being here she cannot come over. Supposedly she was really excited about coming over here during the summer because my nephew told her about our house being the fun house. So Kyle is mad because we are now excluding her. As well as his son as he cannot risk him coming back home with dog hair on him. We also basically made our brother and sisters houses off limits since they will also have a dog now.

Yesterday Kyle texted he is upset because now he has to find last minute childcare for all summer long for both kids. School ends in less than two weeks and according to him he is unable to find any affordable summer camps with spots still open as registration was in April. The only one nearby with spots is the extremely expensive one. So he and his wife are now expecting we either get rid of all the dogs and find them homes unrelated to anyone in the family. Or we have to pay for both of his kids to go to the expensive summer camp, which costs $450 a week. It’s a lot because this camp is in the next town over from the one we live in and charges non residents more.

Also I heard through my sister that this has caused internal strife through Kyles family as his son is now upset and blaming his stepsister for both not getting a new puppy and not being able to come over to our house this summer.

My family does not want to give up our dogs. Me, my husband, and our kids have become very attached. I also don’t feel like its right to take away a promise I made to give each of my siblings a puppy. They know about the situation with Kyles stepdaughters allergies however they still want the puppies. They already told their kids and they are similarly excited having already picked out names and bought dog stuff. Spending that much money on childcare for my brothers kids is just way out of our budget though.

I’ve thought about trying to find someone to look after the dogs for awhile so Kyle and his wife have more time to figure out childcare. However I have not found anyone willing to unless we surrender ownership of the dogs. I talked to a friend about it and she sort of agreed with him since we caused this mess. She said we would be playing favorites with my siblings and my nieces and nephews if we were not willing to get rid of the dogs or pay for camp that we should just not watch all the kids to be fair to everyone. The problem is I know that would put my other brother and sister in a very bad spot as they couldn’t afford to pay for summer camp either. They’re younger than me and Kyle and less established in their careers.
I don’t know what we should do here. My husband is unbothered and just says we won't watch Kyle kids and thats the end of it as far as he is concerned.
 
Mame
 
  3  
Reply Tue 31 May, 2022 10:39 am
@mallem,
I'm with your husband. Too bad for Kyle. You didn't know the child had allergies but even if you had known, your life should not be run on his issues. You shouldn't have to pay for the daycare or even consider doing so. Not your child. You are allowed to live your life which now includes dogs. Plus, you were providing FREE daycare so you owe them NOTHING. What if you guys had been in a car accident and couldn't look after her? He needs to grow up.
0 Replies
 
engineer
 
  2  
Reply Tue 31 May, 2022 11:11 am
@mallem,
Awfully ungrateful of Kyle for not appreciating all you have given him and his family. You are not excluding Kyle and family from your house. He is rightfully making a call based on the health of his family, but you aren't responsible for it. As someone who is also allergic to cats and dogs (although not as seriously as you describe) I get the concern. If someone is hosting and has pets, I might pass on going to their house, but I would never suggest they shouldn't own pets or have an obligation to cater to me. Asking for a minor concession like putting the pets in a room for a few hours is one thing, demanding someone else take the pets is something else.
0 Replies
 
izzythepush
 
  3  
Reply Tue 31 May, 2022 12:23 pm
@mallem,
Your brother isn't entitled to anything.

You did him a favour and now he thinks you have a duty, no way.

His kids, his problem.

Your husband is right.
0 Replies
 
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Tue 31 May, 2022 01:06 pm
Here's an article I found on this:

https://www.hillspet.com/dog-care/resources/coping-with-dog-allergies

You may want a dog, but are concerned about your allergies or those of a family member. Or you may have a dog and know that your allergy is a problem. The good news is that dogs and people with allergies can live together.

What causes allergies from dogs? Allergies are caused by a reaction to certain proteins found primarily in oil secretions from a dog’s skin and in a dog’s saliva. It is not hair itself that causes allergies. When your dog sheds hair or its skin flakes, proteins are carried into the environment where they may cause an allergic reaction.

Some people report developing immunity to their dog. Others grow out of the allergy, but don't depend on it if you’re getting a new dog. It is possible that an allergic reaction worsens with greater exposure.

Are there hypoallergenic dogs? Contrary to what you may have heard, "hypoallergenic" dogs do not exist. It is suggested that the hair of some breeds (such as the poodle and bichon frise) helps prevent more allergens getting into the environment, but many report just as strong a reaction to these dogs. A small dog may provoke less allergic reaction than a larger one simply because he has less skin and hair to shed.

Employ diligence in the home to limit allergies:

Wipe smooth surfaces in the home regularly and vacuum frequently.
Frequently wash any bedding that your dog sleeps on.

Possibly restrict access to certain areas of the house. The allergic person’s bedroom is a definite no-dog zone.

Hardwood floors retain fewer allergens and are easier to clean than carpet.
If you have only a few rooms in your house with carpet, you probably should keep your dog out of those.

Upholstered furniture will retain a lot of allergens. You may choose to keep dogs off this furniture or not allow access to those rooms.

Brushing is key to controlling allergies. Providing the best dog care includes weekly brushing. This will be extremely helpful in reducing allergic reactions because it helps prevent loose hair from getting into the air. Groom more often in springtime when your dog sheds its winter coat. Also, whenever possible, grooming should be handled by someone who isn’t allergic to dogs. It should be done outdoors, too. Also consider buying Science Diet® dog food with precise nutrition for a healthy coat.

Ask your own physician about the possibility of prescribing anti-allergenic drugs or ask for suggestions to manage the problem.
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Tue 31 May, 2022 01:08 pm
And here's another one:

https://vet.osu.edu/sites/vet.osu.edu/files/legacy/documents/pdf/education/mph-vph/allergic%20to%20your%20dog.pdf
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Tue 31 May, 2022 01:28 pm
@mallem,
Oh my gosh - how in the world is it that YOU caused this problem? You had no idea that she was allergic when you got your dog and the puppies. To me this is no different than as if you had this dog for 3 years. Dogs are a part of your family you don't just give them up - they are a life time commitment. And to ask you to pay for child care? You could have billed them for the years you provided child care previously.

No you are not to blame and it is up to each individual family to decide whether they still want a puppy or not.

Yes, it is sad for that little girl and her brother, unfortunately sometimes in life things are not fair and this could be a life lesson for these kids rather than say we are going to force everyone else to accommodate this situation.

I agree that you should do any sort of reasonable accommodation to help this child as you should anyone, but not turn your life around and give up something that is important to you. Making reasonable accommodations would be something like - during the summer you can keep the dogs outside or within a barn - something like that if you have facilities for this. But not changing your whole household by giving up a member of it (which a dog is).

Did you ask how they would compensate you for everything you need to change to provide FREE child care for two children over the summer?
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Tue 31 May, 2022 01:30 pm
@Linkat,
OH and to add to that - if Kyle persists that you should pay for the more expensive child care - send him a bill for the lowest priced child care - for each of the years you have cared for his son.

Say, sure, I'll pay for the higher priced child care when you compensate me for the free childcare I provided for the past 5 years.
0 Replies
 
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Tue 31 May, 2022 01:41 pm
@Linkat,
Right? It seems Kyle's used to being bossy with his sister, doesn't it? To demand she pay for his children's child care??? Whoa! He doesn't seem to have appreciated what her family has done for his at all. Why shouldn't they have a dog? Her sister wants to keep their puppy, too. After reading those two articles, I think the allergies can be managed.
engineer
 
  1  
Reply Tue 31 May, 2022 01:47 pm
@Mame,
From the original post.

Quote:
Later on though Kyle texted me privately about how we should have asked about getting the dogs before because his new stepdaughter (he just got remarried) is extremely allergic to dogs. Like she has trouble breathing if she’s around a dog...

As well as his son as he cannot risk him coming back home with dog hair on him.

I can manage my allergies, they just aren't that bad. This sounds like a different level. I can see her parents saying "no exposure to dogs at all".
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Tue 31 May, 2022 01:52 pm
@engineer,
Yes, I read that, but we don't know how bad it really is. And there may be allergy medications for her, according to the articles.

There might be some accommodations she and her family can make, as well. But still, it is a problem.
0 Replies
 
mallem
 
  1  
Reply Tue 31 May, 2022 02:14 pm
@Mame,
I think one of the big problems her mom had is that our house is fully carpeted except for the kitchen and bathrooms. She said it was basically impossible to get all the dander out unless we have it professionally cleaned since her daughter is so sensitive to trace amounts.
0 Replies
 
mallem
 
  1  
Reply Tue 31 May, 2022 02:17 pm
@engineer,
My brother did say that she had previously had to go to the ER because of exposure and she has epipens. So I think it is actually a lot more serious than just being sneezy.
engineer
 
  2  
Reply Tue 31 May, 2022 02:19 pm
@mallem,
That's how I read your posting. I think you're just going to have to tell your brother that you can't host his children anymore, sorry. You incur no financial obligation for reluctantly refusing to do a favor.
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Tue 31 May, 2022 05:16 pm
@engineer,
Sounds like they won't be able to visit with them anywhere, doesn't it?
Below viewing threshold (view)
engineer
 
  1  
Reply Wed 1 Jun, 2022 06:46 am
@Mame,
Mame wrote:

Sounds like they won't be able to visit with them anywhere, doesn't it?

Maybe. A shower and clean clothes works wonders to remove allergens, but if the daughter is sensitive enough, who knows.
0 Replies
 
glitterbag
 
  1  
Reply Wed 1 Jun, 2022 07:34 am
I hope the little girls mother is working with the doctors to help with her daughter's allergies. The little girl is going to meet people who have their own cats and dogs and cannot always be sanitized just in case they meet someone with cat or dog dander allergies. Allergies are awful to have, this child needs as much help as possible.....but it does not mean that everyone else has to limit the choices for their personal lives and homes.
engineer
 
  1  
Reply Wed 1 Jun, 2022 07:46 am
@glitterbag,
I think if the allergy was to peanuts, I would be willing to put the peanut products away and clean the kitchen to support a niece coming over. I'd be willing to put the dog in the back room for a few hours for a brief visit. The request you get rid of the dogs is over the top though. Dogs are family members. This is not a reasonable accommodation.
glitterbag
 
  1  
Reply Wed 1 Jun, 2022 07:59 am
@engineer,
agree with you
0 Replies
 
 

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