1
   

How much do you share in a relationship?

 
 
Reply Mon 23 May, 2022 02:46 pm
Probably not what you're think about so let me clarify.

My wife and I have been together some 20 years or so, married for the past 11. She feels that since we're husband and wife what's mine is hers, but not necessarily what's hers is mine. She feels she has right to any and everything I own. One of our biggest arguments is the fact that we both have our own vehicles. Since we started dating we had separate cars. Up until our last vehicle changes we never even exchanged keys to each other's cars. Now she drives an '09 Nissan Murano and I have an '08 Lincoln Navigator. When I got my SUV my wife was adamant about getting keys to it thinking she was going to drive it. The day I signed the paperwork on it she was sitting right there and when the guy gave me the keys and fob she graciously took one. A month or so later when she got her Nissan I made sure to get a key to that one. And to this day she['s probably only driven my SUV less than 10 times. Personally I think that if that' the car you picked out from a dealership or car lot then you should be happy to drive it since you're making payments on it. No, she doesn't just walk outside and decide which car she wants to take.

Several years ago, I was diagnosed with sleeping issues and was put on medication to help me sleep at night. All of a sudden my wife now has sleeping issues. This is a woman who when she gets in the bed and the covers hit her chest she's out like a light. Several years ago we were talking on the phone while I was at work and she told me that she took one of my "prescribed" sleeping pills. We're not talking about an OTC product. This is stuff you can only get from a pharmacy and I only get a certain number each month. Knowing that she now put my sleep, for one night, on hold so she could try out the pills to see if they helped her made me livid. We had a major argument that day. Not only did she not ask but she took someone else prescribed medication without consulting with her doctor to see if they were safe for her.

As a guy I have a number of things I use for personal grooming. One of which is my nasal hair remover. I ordered and have ordered a number of devices to keep my nose hair at bay. A few months ago I ordered one and it is working out nicely for me. I usually trim about once ever 2 weeks or so. The other night my wife casually told me that she tried out my nose hair trimmer to see if she liked it. I'm looking at it this way. That device goes up in my nose. I could have a cold or what have you and it's all in that trimmer. Now knowing that my wife stuck it up in her nose again makes me wonder, can I not have anything of my own. My wife has never been concerned about a stray nose hair and I told her if all she had was one hair, the best option was to pluck it with some tweezers. Plus the fact that my nose hair trimmer has been all up in her nose. Again, she doesn't ask if she can use it she just tells me after the fact. This is one of those "it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission" scenarios.

Do you share everything with your spouse or are there just some things only you use and there are some things only they use. Next thing I know she's going to use my razors and shave her legs or her. . .

Do you share everything?
  • Topic Stats
  • Top Replies
  • Link to this Topic
Type: Question • Score: 1 • Views: 898 • Replies: 9
No top replies

 
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Mon 23 May, 2022 03:15 pm
@Barry2021,
I think I'd be annoyed at the razor/nose hair trimmer thing and would likely just get him his own and put mine somewhere he wouldn't find it Smile

I think the pertinent thing here is that she is not respecting your boundaries.
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Mon 23 May, 2022 03:28 pm
@Barry2021,
Well my husband shares my underwear and bra - I yell at him because he stretches them out.

Is that crossing a boundary?
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Mon 23 May, 2022 03:36 pm
@Linkat,
Does he look better in them than you do? Maybe that's the real reason you're yelling at him.
0 Replies
 
Barry2021
 
  1  
Reply Mon 23 May, 2022 04:52 pm
@Mame,
Mame wrote:

I think I'd be annoyed at the razor/nose hair trimmer thing and would likely just get him his own and put mine somewhere he wouldn't find it Smile

I think the pertinent thing here is that she is not respecting your boundaries.


According to her there are no boundaries as we are husband and wife. But now let me use something of hers then I get read the riot act.
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Mon 23 May, 2022 08:18 pm
@Barry2021,
Well, then use something of hers. Put earplugs in and let the riot act ensue. Good for the goose, good for the gander.

I don't know why you two stay together.
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Tue 24 May, 2022 07:08 am
@Barry2021,
Yeah - try her underwear and bra on - that should be a good conversation starter.
0 Replies
 
Barry2021
 
  1  
Reply Thu 16 Jun, 2022 09:28 am
Something else to this story that just happened.

For months now both my wife and I have our own moist toilet wipes when we go to the bathroom. She has her brand and I have mine. I use to could find mine at Walmart but now all they have are the mint scented ones and that's not a pleasant smell on your hands afterwards so I started ordering a 3 pack from Amazon. One thing about me is that there are certain things I'm not going to run out of. I always keep deodorant on hand. Right now I have probably 11 aerosol cans in the bathroom. And when I get down to about 4 or 5 I stock back up. I keep a pack of breath mints in my book bag I would carry to work. I keep one in my truck and one on my desk here at the house. I always have 3 or 4 tubes of chapstick. 1 in my pocket at all times, 1 in my truck, and extra packs in my book bag. I always keep a tube of lotion in my book bag and one in my truck in case I get a little dry. There are just certain things I refuse to run out of.

My wife, on the other hand will only buy 1 tube of deodorant at a time. She says that's all she needs so why would you buy multiple tubes when you don't need them. Well, I pulled one of the brand new 3 pack I just had delivered of the dude wipes out of the bathroom cabinet and sat it on the back of the toilet where she keeps her feminine wipes. I didn't open it because I had just emptied the last pack. Today I go into the bathroom and when I opened the lid I noticed that it was already opened and there were a number of them just jammed back down into the pack like someone had used them and pulled too many out. Ok, again thinking I had just sat it on the toilet last night and knowing I hadn't opened it I immediately thought Amazon had sent me an opened package someone possibly had used and returned. I honestly was about to throw the entire package away. I pulled the jammed in wipes out and immediately threw them away. When I got back to my desk I sent my wife a text asking her did she open them. She said yes, because she was out of hers. I told her to let me know next time when she opens something of mine because I was about to throw the whole thing away. Her rationale was that she didn't need to tell me because I should have known she opened it.

We both have our own brand of cereal we like to eat. If I run out of mine I'm not going to just open hers and not tell her. And if I did open hers and not tell her do you honestly think she's going to grab her box of cereal and when she sees it's open just say, "he must have been out so he opened mine." Nope, I'm going to get the wrath of her because I opened her cereal. But in this house "what's hers is hers and what's mine is hers."
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Thu 16 Jun, 2022 11:36 am
@Barry2021,
One word --- "petty". This is all stupid petty stuff that you should overlook. Yes, you are set in your ways and so is she.

I agree with you if this bothers you to speak with her about it. Do just like you did, please tell me if you open something or use something of mine. I know that does not bother you but it does bother me so please just let me know.

That's it. That is all you should have to do.

But on the flip side I am with your wife on this - if I had something that I used predominately and say my husband has another brand he prefers - if I found my new bottle/container open - I would assume it was my husband that opened it. It is a logical assumption; then later I would verify with him or he with me if unsure. It should not be this huge issue.

And if it bothers you that much, put it somewhere she typically would not have as easy access. That way if she runs out - she won't have anything and will quickly learn she needs to replace her stuff before it runs out.

As others said - it is surprising you are married to each other.
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Thu 16 Jun, 2022 01:02 pm
@Linkat,
Agreed. Why have his and her wipes, anyway? That solves that problem. And I don't want to read 5 paragraphs about how you prefer X and she prefers Y. They're wipes!

Q: There's no one else in their house so who else would have opened it?

Q: Don't you think he'd have noticed an open box of wipes when he bought them or put them away?
0 Replies
 
 

Related Topics

 
  1. Forums
  2. » How much do you share in a relationship?
Copyright © 2024 MadLab, LLC :: Terms of Service :: Privacy Policy :: Page generated in 0.04 seconds on 05/19/2024 at 02:44:38