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Am I overthinking things?

 
 
cjohn
 
Reply Wed 18 May, 2022 03:55 am
Before I start I just want to say this post is in no way shape or form bad mouthing my parents, they are great parents but I just need advice/perspective.

I'm 21 male and identify as bisexual. I told my parents in Jan 2021, they were a little shocked/at first didn't really understand what it meant and we talked it through a few times and they said they supported it and to be happy basically.

A few years ago my dad did used to say the odd homophobic thing however he doesn't say anything like that anymore and I think he realizes that its wrong, our neighbors across the road have a gay son and when we had our chats about me being bi he said "he loves the bones of him" and even before I said I was bi he once said something like "it would never make a difference" and I've certainty never heard him say anything bad about it in the last 4-5 years.

However, despite this my brain always questions do they support me, what do they think etc. and I tend to overthink a lot of time about it. I have an anxiety disorder/diagnosed OCD.

And then something happened yesterday and I'm worrying about it even though I'm aware I'm probably being stupid.

Recently where I live in Blackpool a footballer has just came out as gay and its been all over the media/social media and in the newspapers.

My grandparents always send the papers round for us (even though my dad doesn't read them) and yesterday on the front was the story about the footballer being gay.

There was 3 newspapers lying on the table and he chucked the one with the gay footballer out and left the other two. The papers were in 2 piles opposite each other (1 pile with just the gay footballer story and a pile with the other 2 newspapers in) (he also chucked a few other bits of paper out) and said he was clearing the table and that he doesn't read them.

Then my mind just went to the worst places, was he chucking it out because there was a gay footballer on basically.. and I've just been feeling horrible because of it.

Then I went on facebook and 2 of his friends had posted about how brave he was, basically 2 posts in support of him and saying well done to him for coming out and how it shouldn't be an issue in football and my dad had liked both posts suggesting he was fine and in support of it.

Basically what I'm asking is am I overthinking, should I be worried. I'm aware how stupid this post seems but I feel like I need to get it out there to see what other people think.

I even feel guilty for writing this because I have great parents and this isn't me bad mouthing them but I just need advice I guess.
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izzythepush
 
  2  
Reply Wed 18 May, 2022 06:42 am
It still is news. This is the first time a player has come out while still playing.

Justin Fashnu came out muchlater as was treated terribly.

On Radio 4 there was a conversation with gay sports players which I think was probably a coincidence.

I think the story about Jake Daniels was in all the papers yesterday although he may not have been on the front of all of them.

My son is transgender, he's almost 30 and is married. I try to be supportive and we get on incredibly well, but I still have fucked up.

I don't know what was going through your dad's head. If the paper he threw out was the mail I'd be all for it regardless of who is on the cover.

Talk to him, tell him how that action made you feel. Try to be as dispassionate as possible which isn't easy.

Don't start accusing and blaming.

Something like, " I don't know if you realise this, but yesterday when you threw out the only paper with Jake Daniels on the cover it made me feel..."

I'm sure it will work out.

Btw, this is a predominantly American forum. I'm about the only Brit on here.




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jespah
 
  1  
Reply Wed 18 May, 2022 06:42 am
@cjohn,
You're right; you're overthinking this.

He discarded a bunch of papers(and may not even have noticed the one with the footballer on the front page). He didn't discard YOU.

And if you think your Dad can't be that oblivious, think again. Ask your mother about all the times he didn't notice she had made something special or changed her hair. I bet there are at least a few examples.

That's all this is. Don't give it another thought.
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