My daughter doesn't want to go see her siblings in foster care?

Tue 17 May, 2022 03:34 pm
A while ago I posted asking for advice about what to get my daughters siblings for presents here https://able2know.org/topic/567891-1

Because of the post I got the idea of taking my daughter on a trip to go see them this summer. Some people suggested that seeing them/hanging out with them would be the best present.

So I got in touch with their social worker and set up a date for late July. Her siblings are supposedly very excited. I had thought my daughter was excited as well.

However, yesterday my daughter told me that she doesn't want to go. Like at all. She has no interest in seeing her siblings. I also found out that she still hasn't been talking to them on the phone and is just pretending too. She says she would rather go on a real vacation to somewhere fun as we never got to go before. If we go on this trip I will not be able to afford another trip this year.

I do plan on bringing this up with her therapist to make sure everything is okay. Her next regular appointment isn't for another two weeks and I don't really want to set up an earlier appointment and disrupt her schedule. We still have a lot more time before the maybe trip to figure things out anyway and there doesn't seem to be any immediate cause for concern. She was a bit quiet earlier this week because she was nervous about asking not to go. Now that she's told me she's back to normal energetic self.

Anyway until then I was wondering about getting some more outside input. I know that people always say its important to keep siblings close and connected especially when foster care is involved, so that's what I've been trying to do, but what if one kids just isn't interested in the others? Its a bit of a pickle too since the other kids are interested.
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Tue 17 May, 2022 03:50 pm
If she doesn't feel comfortable talking with them on the phone and she doesn't want to go and visit, I wouldn't push it. Even though the other two are excited, I think your responsibility is to your daughter.

Not all families are close, even in the same house.

I wouldn't fret about it. Find some reason to tell them it won't be possible. Maybe if there is more contact, when your daughter wants it, it would be a more meaningful visit.
Tue 17 May, 2022 04:21 pm
Agree - you cannot force this on her - however, it might be good to find out why just in case there is some reason stopping her. I guess in part I wonder about the hiding she is talking to them when she is not -- makes me think there is an underlying reason.

Maybe take the pressure off her and say we do not need to go see if you do not want to, but is there some reason? And let her know that her answer will not impact how you feel about her - you just want to understand.

One other thought - can you call the therapist and ask her? Maybe just let her know you are concerned about this and does the therapist feel there is a concern.

Like Mame said you can apologize to the siblings and simply say - ug it is my fault I did not realize I had XYZ and cannot make it.

The other alternative I thought, if your daughter simply really wanted just a "fun" vacation - is there some sort of combo - like go to visit the siblings for a day and then go to a beach or park or whatever type of vacation you guys would like that might be in the general area?
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Fri 3 Jun, 2022 04:43 pm
As long as she is under her care you could make her walk the plank for all she knows whats good for her. Seriously your daughter is a woman. Many women could be that way forever. IDK, maybe I should, etc etc. Given the choice to be lazy but again she is a girl and you have to make her adjust to doing the right thing retaining to keep a close bond with family members.

You are being responsible not as an adult but a parent.
Sat 4 Jun, 2022 09:24 am
Your blatant sexism doesn’t make me inclined to take your advice.
Sat 4 Jun, 2022 09:44 am
Don't get upset about PoliteMight, none of his responses ever makes any sense. I think his goal is to annoy people and is hopeful for a spirited discussion on why women are useless. Nobody cares enough to respond to him.
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