in love with a "happily"married man (?)

Abogado del diablo
Total posts: 1

MorningDew,

Why try an validate your actions with this post when you came here asking for advice? Were you upset that 100 percent of the people warned that your actions were not in your best interests?

Abogado del Diablo, you are good "devil's advocate", as your handle suggests, and we need them. I do believe that one can love two people at the same time. It's a fact that I love my wife dearly, and its also a fact that if my late wife miraclously returned to life, I would love her too. My problem would not be that I love two people; it would be that in a non (indeed anti) polygynous society, I would have to choose between them. This is similar to the problem of MorningDew. But her's is easier, I suspect. Her boyfriend's "love" for her is problematical whereas that for his wife is probably real. HE has to make a choice, but apparently he does not want to. When he came to the fork in the road, he followed Yogi Bera's advice and just took it.
This is an ethical problem rooted in a moral context. Our society is morally monogamous, ergo, the man's ethical dilemmma. In a polygammous society he would only have the problem of the willingness of the two women to be co-wives. That's probably why the polygynists in Colorado City dominate their women, so that they have no power to choose; they are assigned to husbands without recourse.

I find Abogado´s and JL´s answers quite balanced and realistic.

Nothamster, you have a problem assuming things that are not happening.
Dear, get a life! instead of online stalking your ex- Safe travels!

(and be consistent, no contact --> no tracing your ex. Nothamster = Pamy)

http://www.able2know.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=57214
This thread goes into some of the issues we are dealing with here.

hit a nerve?
It seems someone is here with an agenda! Nothamster, I assure you I am a real person and not MorningDew. I believe in open minds looking at alternate views. That often entails playing the devil's advocate. I take pride in being able to argue more than one side of an issue. I am not a fan of liars and cheaters, but will not cast judgement. If you do, indeed, have an agenda and are e-stalking . . . i guess I could examine both sides of it. I call it mental masturbation.

Re: hit a nerve?
Never Wrestle With A Pig you'll both get dirty, and only the pig will enjoy it.

Arguing on the internet is like running in the Special Olympics. Even if you win you are still retarded.

Hmmm, maybe the 3 (2?) of you need to go somewhere private to sort yourselves out.

Putting some of this on a public board, where you can be traced, may not be the best approach to a discussion like this.

Nothamster9935 you have an fascinating, poignant, and exhilarating dilemma. You are being judged by the people on the board obviously. Did I mention what a great person you are? Be my friend please!

Follow you glands...umm...I mean heart and grow stronger.

I assure you I am not Mountain Dew nor am I Diet Coke. I am a real person.

/satire off

We are not amused. Y'all take the personal stuff elsewhere.
We don't mind talking about things impersonally.

Plus, don't mess with ehBeth, you are not ready for that. Just listen and obey.

Bye, bye.

Thanks to all!
Hello, everyone who read this thread and answered in one way or the other. I have gone through answers and, again, I value the mature insight of both Abogadodeldiablo and JLNObody.

I apologize for other posts that may have sound too personal. I apologize for the personal aspect of "Nothamster" and "Notnothamster"'s posts (you must have realized he is the same person). Although one may forgive but not forget, I am confident that time heals all wounds and my dear Not will get his inner peace.

Please, feel free to post and give more insights. I would like to hear more from Abogado and JL's especially. Cya, DEw.

Interesting but highly risky situation, MD. Here some insights for your reflection (and I avoid being judgemental)...

1. Did he say the L word? If so, and let's assume he is NOT a liar, I think that the one who is in trouble is the guy, not so much you.
2. How happily married? did he define it? 24 years is a long time of cohabitation. Maybe he is bored, not getting what he would like to get (not only sex, but affection or attention), maybe he loves his wife, but not in the same way he loved her 20 years ago. Love changes through life and his certainly might have changed. E.g. he is maybe infatuated with you, sexually aroused by you as he is not any longer by his wife. BUT, for how long?
3. If you guyz have more than sexual attraction, to what level/extent?

If I was you, I'd ask him how far will he go with this and what's his goal.
Would he leave his wife to make a life with you? If so, experience tells me that if he did not do any radical move in 3 to 6 months, forget it. He won't, even if he wants you badly. He'd be too afraid to finish with 24 years of habits and shared feelings, good and bad times.
Would you be able to offer the same to him for the next 20-25 years?
If yes, say so. If he does L you, he will make any effort to be with you the next years. If he's only infatuated, he will not even consider such a thing.

If no, just enjoy it until it becomes too risky for you and move on.

Protect yourself. I have been where you are and I hear you. Even at the risk of being judged here, mine worked and I have a made a life with a man who was married 20 years before I showed up. We love each other, but it was not easy at first.

Best luck, Tij.

Thanks
Again here...I had been gone for a while and just read in detail the answers to this thread. Some pending answers:

Abogado:
No, I was not a victim of prey. He did not chase me. We worked together at first, and we ended up talking for endless hours, and falling for each other. He was very honest from the beginning, talking about his wife and wearing his wedding band. When "it" happened, it was late: we were in love already. Even without physical involvement, he and I were already deeply emotional involved... and so far we decide to live with it.

Tij: yes, he did say the L word, unexpectedly for me. And I found myself doing it too. No, I do not think it is infatuation. It's beyond that point.
I do think in his wife, I do not want anyone to get hurt. At the same time I cannot (yet) resist this forbidden fruit.

We'll see what happens. Dew

Update
Abogado del diablo is NOT Morning Dew.
Abogado del diablo is the guy, is in love with Morning Dew, and will spend a life time with her. :wink:

The divorce will soon be final.

I guess I wasn't all that happy after all.

I'm in love with a happily married man too.

My own.

Interesting thread.... I missed it the first time around, must have been on vacation at the time. I'm trying to imagine what my thoughts would have been.... probably something along the lines of suggesting she stay away from married men like most of the original posters. As I read it this morning, however, I found myself thinking more along the lines of what C_Jane has described as more common in Europe (and actually what MorningDew wanted originally), -- the idea of the wife-sanctioned mistress. It somehow seemed to fit better here than carrying on an illicit affair.

It's all moot, as it turns out. I'm curious how the wife is doing and truly missing Lady J from these boards.