Having a baby in sexless marriage

Reply Thu 7 Apr, 2022 09:53 am
Hi Everyone, desperate need of some advice. I have been in sexless marriage for 8years i am 26 now i got married early. From the beginning i thought it was my problem not able to have sex. I love my husband emotionally alot but physically, I always had problem with his huge belly. When I got married, he was over weight. I didn't care. but every-time we try to have sex it hurts so bad that I didn't want to do it. I always felt, i do have good sex drive bcoz i would always like to masterbate. even like deep kissing him i didn't like it bcoz he has very thick saliva due that he had bad breath, which he went to doctor for and go to dentist regularly. We have try everything both of us is perfectly fine medically. I went in depression phase, i didn't know what to do! i thought it's my issue and i destroying his life like this. I always said I am okay with separation, he doesn't want that at all. So in my 6years of zero sex life marriage he went out of the country for 5weeks. This was my time to figure out if something was physically wrong with me so i start dating and slept with people. During that time i found that I am really good at bed and I love having sex. It felt amazing. When he came back it, was so hard for me to stop so i continue few months then the guilt was killing me so i stopped. I cry myself often to bed bcoz i really want sex in my marriage but it never works with him i am so dry even using lubricant so we stop even trying. I love him alot he loves me way too much too. He doesn't want divorce! i brought it up many times and I am not sure if i want that too. We are financially very well off and great life together. From outside view we are so much in love! which is true in emotionally. He treat me like a princess and I take care of him, how a wife should. But now he wants baby! he have been wanting it ever since we got married. Now we decided we will have it with medical help (IUI). But it's killing me thinking that once baby is born I will die in this sexless marriage. I don't know what to do. Finding someone not hard for me but i absolutely hate cheating. I did what I did, out of desperation, tried of getting blame is that everything my fault. Now every time he says I have low sex drive, i can say lets go into open marriage.Then i think now he knows that i don't have any physical problem. I want family with him. I want a baby so bad too but at the same time i want sex in my life. I know it's not well organize writing but I am so much in dilemma now. I am a good wife I take care of him and his family live with us. But i just felt like i am taken for granted bcoz i am so scared to change. He earns very good and he never say no to me well part of reason is i don't ask way to much too but to make me happy he give me all the luxury. But is that enough?? I am even crying writing this! i love the life I have but once baby come I am stuck in this life. I love kids! so definitely my baby will be my world but will that make me happy for rest of life?? It's huge sacrifice, I know i am attractive and people love my personality. Please advice.
Reply Thu 7 Apr, 2022 04:15 pm
Are you in a country or a culture where you cannot get a divorce?

My advice will change if that's the case (and I suspect it is).

But just in case it isn't, do NOT bring a child into this marriage. It won't make anything better; it'll just add work for you. And I don't mean you won't love your child or hopefully receive love in return. What I mean is, in a cost-benefit analysis, you would likely be taking on most of the responsibilities and are already stepping out on your marriage.

When your husband figures out you cheated on him (not if, but when), it will not be pretty. Don't drag a child into that kind of mess.
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bobsal u1553115
Reply Thu 7 Apr, 2022 06:01 pm
Please listen to Jespah.
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