i am a medical train wreck

even more unfair...i can only trace the allergies and high blood pressure to family. the stones and cysts...no one.

and even more maddening...most male docs (except my obgyn which is why i probably chose him) think that because the ovary has no nerves attached to it, cysts shouldn't hurt.

i can't figure hubby out...he just keeps saying i make all of this up so i can have an excuse not to have to sex. i mean we have it 5 times a week what more can he want? plus, sex with a cyst is very painful and then he gets upset when i dont have this huge grin afterward. i wish for one day i could transfer the pain to him just he would know what it was like. he is trying to understand though, i will give him that, and i love him that much more for it. i think it just difficult to understand unless you feel it yourself. plus its an everyday thing so i see where he is coming from. it is rather unbelievable and i am the one feeling it.

thanks noddy, you always say the best stuff.

oh one silver lining...

when i have a cyst, i can't eat all that much because when i eat, my stomach expands, and there is only so much room in the abdomen. and my cysts generally weigh around 3-5lbs, so i may have lost more weight than i thought...

however, tomorrow is the ultrasound, if there is no cyst (which i highly doubt) then we are in real trouble. cuz then there is no real reason for the pain and the last time that happened...was my 3 hours of open abdominal repairing all that the last cysts had destroyed...

and my last cyst was november 2004...

Dragon--

Thanks for the kind words. You and your ultrasound will be in my thoughts tomorrow.

I'm tempted to suggest some sort of adventurous sexual activity where a tennis ball duck taped to your husband's abdomen would inconvenience him but not you.

Unfortunately men are fancy outside and women have the interesting bits snugly tucked away.

Have you thought of starting your family in the near future and then getting rid of the plaguey fertility bits?

Dragon - your venting wasn't trivial at all!

Dragon, everyone here supports you. In good times and in bad. And as littlek just said, your venting is never trivial. Sometimes we just have to let it all out and tell someone! Someone other than the SO's, the hubbies, the family and the doctors. At times, I have found them all to become a bit complacent, and on my part anyway, I sometimes feel I have already burdened them all with enough and they don't want to really hear anymore of it.

I DO sympathize with you completely. Chronic pain takes such a toll and it is extremely difficult for someone who has not or does not have it, to really understand how it affects your entire life. I can't even begin to count the number of days that I wish never existed, especially knowing the next day and then the day after that would probably be just the same.

So vent away, let it out and tell us anything you want. We're here for you dragon, if for nothing more than to listen and offer our compassion.

My thoughts are with you....

How is dragon today?

good news today!!! no cyst!!! i just got back and apparently two of the four times they have been in there, they had to do stuff to my abdominal wall. the first time, my ovary was embedded in my abdominal wall so after they rescued my ovary they sewed up that abdominal wall so that couldn't happen anymore. the second time (during my laprotomy) they implanted mesh because the cysts had been so big it had deteriorated my abdominal wall.

as a consequence, all of the scar tissue there is huge and very hard. in my quest to lose weight i added situps to my routine which has torn the scar tissue (a good thing yet very painful) and begun to break it down so it is not so hard and immovable. so good news!!! i just have to push through it and keep going because as it begins to tear more it will release some of the tension in the scar tissue. i guess after three laproscopies and one laprotomy there is bound to be some scar tissue.

thanks so much everyone, i am much more relieved today and your kind words helped so much yesterday when i was down in the dumps. the only things still pending i guess are the root of my high bp and why i have 5 kidney stones sitting in my kidneys-no one seems able to answer those.

noddy, if this had been another cyst, we would have thought very seriously about starting a family. they have already told me that once my fam is done, the ovary is coming out (right one). my hesitation is that being 1 year out of grad school and my husband having just changed professions completely and starting at the bottom of the ranks again, we are quite a bit pressed on funds. While we are making it, having a child would severly hamper that (we basically bought a house we really couldn't afford-and not with interest only loans or arms...we financed 30 year fixed which is probably why its more difficult).

so all is good! i just have to somehow deal with the pain which is much easier than dealing with the uncertainty!

That's all great news, dragon! Just wanted to add my voice to the chorus of support.

thanks soz!

What a huge relief, dragon! I am very happy for you that it was not another cyst and that what you have been doing exercise wise is actually benefitting you in spite of the initial pain. It has to be really wonderful to know that things in that department are getting better at least!

Working on the other two issues of the kidney stones and the blood pressure are at least something you know for certain and with that knowledge at least you can hopefully feel a bit more in control of you own body. The blood pressure meds should do wonders and I thought I had heard of something, although I don't know where, about some type of medication that can actually shrink the stones so if they eventually do pass, they don't leave you in excruciating pain.

Keep us posted on your upward progress!! I am very, very happy for you, girl!

ok so here's the complete update.

1. kidney stones, who knows why i get them but i can pass them now with no painkillers!!! don't know if that's a good thing though...no one can figure out why i get so many or have so many sitting in my kidneys.

2. high blood pressure- genetics i guess or BCP and decongestant related. have very good cholesterol and no renal artery stenosis so something else there.

3. allergies-getting shots like a madwoman and trying to stay away from things that give me a headache or worse or that is on my do not eat list they gave me. also switched from allegra D to regular allegra (bp concerns) and using nasonex.

4. cycts-well don't have one currently. just the scar tissue causing pain. fortunately it isn't on my ovary so reproducing is still in my future -heehee mr. d is happy about that.

so all in all, it is never as bad as you think it is (yesterday). however, my life has changed significantly in the last 4 years. have to watch what i eat very closely because you never know when they add that coconut oil for flavoring. have to watch what i drink because who knows what is causing my kidney stones and water with lemon is best. have to get 5 shots in my arms each week to build up tolerance to allergies. and in the morning i have to take allegra with nose puffer (nasonex) and multivitamin (low in calcium-kidney stones: try finding that one). at night i take allegra again and bp medication.

yesterday was just one of those days, you lean back and say, i just can't do it anymore. After having an MRI in the am, along with allergy shots, and then finding out i had to have an ultrasound today, i just got overwhelmed. Thanks for listening everyone, i will update you if anything changes-hopefully for the better

thanks lady J! i am definitely much happier today!

Waaay cool, girl! Keep smiling!

dragon--

If you must have pain, better scar tissue pain than another cyst. You are probably saving yourself some extra, unusual pregnancy pain down the road to say nothing of developing intestinal fortitude.

No cyst--you can continue to plan your family on your terms!

Has your Kidney Man considered shattering your kidney stones into managable rubble? Or are you on a Wait And See regime?

There will always be days you need to vent--and we're here.

Hold your dominion.

unfortunately they said my current kidney stones are too far embedded in the kidneys to do anything about them. and when they are in a position to do something, they will already be on the move. i have passed 6 in the past, only 2 of which were aided by pain killers, i think i got used to the pain. much like the cysts. i can usually make it a good 3 months with a cyst before i have to actually do something. funny, my pain tolerance is high, but i always tell people i am in pain. am i too needy? i do have quite the collection of pain killers however from non narcotics like darvocet to the heavy guys like oxycontin and percocet. haven't had to take any though since last november when i had the last cyst removed

funny you mention intestines...i say anyone who hasn't had either a cesarian or laprotomy has no idea what gas pain can do to you...holy cow.

yeah my obgyn did say that better to be having the scar pain now (adhesions i guess by medical terms) than when i am pregnant.

Discomfort is pain. In these days of Women's Lib when women are expected to move mountains, announcing pain should still be respectable.

Lady J. is absolutely right about the way even heavy discomfort drags you down, down, down.

With your grocery list of ailments, you're entitled to be needy.

I haven't had either but I've had gas pain bring me to my knees. I almost fell off the toilet once. This was all before the discovery of my lactose intolerance. Somtimes it feels like a hot knife twisting in my middle. Literally.

yeah its the worst...not good stuff...and it doesn't smell that nice either...

noddy-thanks for the reassurance, but i am working on not being that way since mr. d doesn't really understand, and i think my fam is just plain tired of it. it can't be easy on any of them either - while i am the one in pain, i make sure they all know i am in pain.

i am gonna be positive, positive, positive

I've never had to pee a stone though either...so maybe I don't know pain....

i have heard it is much worse for men than women...much further to go...

my first stone was the worst. was puking from the pain, now they just kinda hurt my back and make me have to pee...

i don't know i have had gas from dairy before that was pretty bad. although about 6 days after my last surgery, i had to take a laxative...lost literally 10 lbs one night...ugh